Toi Et Moi

“Trowa, there’s someone here to see you.”

Trowa frowned upon hearing the unhappy tone of his sister’s voice. “Who is it?” he asked, climbing out of the clown pants that he used for performances.

“I think you’d better see for yourself,” was her only reply and Trowa hurried to change into his usual outfit. He really needed to take a shower, but he decided that it could wait until he had found out who had decided to come visit.

It had been three months since the day the five of them had destroyed their Gundams. Three months of Trowa trying to build a new life for himself at the circus. It was…strange trying to get used to the idea of peace. He had been fighting for so long now that he still felt a little uneasy now that there were no more missions.

Catherine teased him about it and told him that he had to move on with his life, but it was hard. For the first time in Trowa’s life, he wasn’t a soldier and it was difficult for him to leave that behind. He simply wasn’t used to living as a civilian.

Trowa thought that Quatre would have been the one who had decided to drop by. He was the one who visited Trowa most often. Duo and Hilde had come over one time, which had been quite the surprise. Trowa opened the door of his trailer one day only to have Duo all but leap on him in his enthusiasm.

He had claimed that he and Hilde needed a break from running their business at the salvage yard, but in his own roundabout way, he had said that he’d missed Trowa. And so the two of them had stayed with the circus for eight days, Hilde sharing Catherine’s trailer and Duo sharing Trowa’s.

It brought back memories of times back when the five of them would hide out in various safe houses between missions. Usually Trowa would room with Quatre, but on the odd occasion, he’d get to share with Duo, which was always something of an experience.

His lack of orderliness irritated Trowa constantly and he knew it, even found it amusing. If Duo enjoyed anything, it was antagonising other people.

Sharing his trailer with him though, only served to remind Trowa of how lonely it was sometimes not being around the other pilots. He still wasn’t used to not working as a unit anymore and if he was honest with myself, he missed the company.

He thought that Duo sensed it somehow and that’s when he let slip that he’d missed them all. He’d already been to visit Wufei before Trowa and he mentioned that he would soon be on his way to see Quatre. Trowa had asked him if he planned on including Heero on his little reunion list and he’d just shrugged, saying that no one knew where Heero was.

Heero. He was always the most unpredictable out of the five of them.

Trowa had had the circus to return to after the war. Quatre had his business, Wufei had the Preventers and Duo had his salvage yard. But what did Heero have? Who did he have to go back to once the war was over?

In a way, he reminded Trowa of Dorothy. Seeing her on the Libra, she had seemed lost and without purpose. “Well, unlike you, I don’t have anyplace left at all to go back to,” was all she had said and that’s when Trowa realised that although he had told her that he’d been slowly killing my own heart, he hadn’t been able to destroy it completely. He still cared. He cared about her…He cared about Quatre. He didn’t want either of them to die. He might have fought to quell his own humanity, but he couldn’t bring myself to not care about anyone.

Trowa sometimes wondered if Heero ever felt like that. Did he ever feel lost and without purpose now that they no longer had to fight? Did he, like Trowa, struggle to live out his new life as a civilian?

Giving up on his musings for the moment, Trowa pulled the curtain back, revealing the last person he would have expected to see.

“Heero.”

“Trowa.”

No wonder Catherine had sounded so unhappy. Out of all the Gundam pilots, Heero was the one she liked the least. She was probably still pissed off with him about Trowa’s failed attempt at self-detonation.

“Why are you here?” Trowa asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I wanted to see you,” was all he said in reply. They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds before Trowa sighed, relaxing his defensive posture somewhat. He turned his back on Heero and started walking in the direction of his trailer. He didn’t look back to see whether or not Heero had decided to follow, but he didn’t need to. He could hear the other boy’s footsteps behind him and Trowa wondered why he had decided to walk behind him rather than at his side.

Not putting any more thought into the matter, Trowa stopped outside his trailer and open the door for Heero, allowing him to enter first. Never let it be said that he wasn’t a courteous host. Maybe Catherine had had more influence over him than he’d thought.

Closing the door behind him, Trowa suddenly realised that it had been almost two years exactly since he had nursed Heero back to health in this same trailer. He wondered if Heero knew that too.

Heero didn’t say anything at first just took off his jacket and draped it over the back of the tiny couch. Trowa felt his lips curve up in amusement when he saw what Heero had been wearing under it.

“Nice sweater,” he said casually, raising an eyebrow. Heero only grunted in response, but Trowa noticed that his cheeks had coloured slightly. At least now he knew what had happened to his old turtleneck. Trowa idly wondered when Heero had had the time to swipe it. He’d rolled back the cuffs which made sense seeing as it was probably a little on the large side for him. Trowa wanted to ask him why he was wearing it, but eventually decided against it.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, watching Heero carefully. All this time, Trowa had been wondering about what had happened to him, where he had been, but now that he was right here in front of him, he couldn’t bring himself to ask him any of those questions. All he could do was stare at him, still not quite believing the fact that he was actually here.

Heero was still standing and his expression was one of uncertainty. Trowa motioned towards the couch and he nodded, gingerly sitting down on it. He looked down at his feet for a moment; awkwardly studying the shoes that he was wearing before he spoke again. “Are you lonely, Trowa?”

His question caught Trowa off-guard for a moment and he narrowed his eyes at Heero, trying to think of a reply. He’d always been honest with Heero and he didn’t intend to start lying to him now.

“I don’t know,” he finally replied. “Sometimes I wonder if there could be more…but I try not to think about it too much.”

“Why not?” asked Heero, finally looking up again, his gaze meeting Trowa’s.

“Duo was here,” Trowa said quietly. “Having him around made me realise that sometimes I miss having company.”

“I see.”

“Heero, why are you really here?”

“I…I wanted to ask you something.”

“It must have been important if it meant that you’d travel all the way out here just to see me,” Trowa remarked.

Heero shrugged. “I just wanted to ask if you’d like to come to L1 with me.”

“The reason being?”

“I need the company.”

“Oh.” Well, that had knocked Trowa for a loop. It must have taken a lot for Heero Yuy to admit that he needed anything or anyone. He’d never done that before and Trowa wondered why he was doing it now.

“So?” Heero’s tone was flat and disinterested, but Trowa caught a faint note of hopefulness in it.

“I guess I should go and tell Catherine.”

Heero’s eyes widened slightly at Trowa’s response as though he had been surprised by the other boy’s answer. Trowa almost smiled. He knew what Heero had been thinking before. If you never expected much from other people, then you’d never be disappointed. He was more than a little surprised himself that he’d actually agreed to go with Heero. Catherine wouldn’t be best pleased.

“When do you intend for us to leave?” Trowa asked.

“As soon as possible,” Heero said quietly.

Trowa raised an eyebrow. “Then I’d better hurry and pack.”

Heero watched as he pulled a couple of battered old canvas bags out from underneath the bed and Trowa was surprised when the smaller boy began helping him pack away the few possessions that he had. For some reason, it just felt right for the two of them to be standing there side by side, doing something as mundane as folding and packing clothes.

They left the trailer together and found Catherine waiting for them outside, her hands on her hips as she glared at the two of them. Her eyes narrowed further when she saw the bags. “You’re leaving,” she said flatly.

Trowa nodded, not wanting for her to be angry. “We’re going to L1,” he announced.

“So that’s it then?” asked Catherine. She jabbed a finger at Heero angrily. “He just waltzes back into your life one day, asks you to go to L1 with him and that’s supposed to be fine with me?”

“Trowa can do what he wants,” Heero said mildly. “You don’t own him.”

“Well, it seems that you have that pleasure,” Catherine said with a scowl. “Why must you always insist on taking him away from me?”

“Catherine, I don’t know how long I’ll be gone,” Trowa told her, quickly putting a stop to the potential argument between his sister and his friend. “I’ll call you when I get there, okay?”

“Hmmph!” was all Catherine said. “Have it your way then.” She glared at Heero again. “Don’t forget, Trowa always comes back here, always.” She turned to her brother, her expression relaxing somewhat, but she still looked mad as Hell. “Don’t expect me to make you some soup before you go. Call me, or so help me I’ll track you down myself.”

“Yes, Catherine,” Trowa said calmly, hoisting one bag further over his shoulder before turning away. Heero reached out and took the other bag. Trowa let him, understanding that in his own way, Heero was trying to apologise for causing an upset between him and his sister. If carrying Trowa’s bag made him feel better, then Trowa didn’t see how it could hurt.

“The shuttle leaves at nine,” Heero said shortly. “It’ll be a long flight, so we’ll get the chance to catch some sleep while we’re onboard.” He stopped suddenly and placed his hand lightly on Trowa’s shoulder. “Thank you…” he murmured, not meeting the taller boy’s gaze. “For coming with me.”

“Not a problem,” Trowa replied, somewhat startled by the fact that Heero had touched him voluntarily. Heero nodded and pulled away and together, both boys began their journey to the spaceport.