Open Your Eyes

He was late.

Hilde had already arrived and now they were just waiting for Heero to show up. Duo had suggested that he and Hilde meet them at the church as Father Maxwell had offered the four of them a lift into town. That and he wanted to meet Heero.

Hilde, he and Sister Helen had already met and approved of and Trowa wondered idly what they would think of Heero.

Bored with the small talk, he had left the kitchen and wandered into the chapel, sitting down in front of the piano and running through a few scales and arpeggios to warm up. The church was currently empty so Trowa knew he wouldn’t be bothering anyone with his playing.

He still wasn’t sure what to make of Heero offering to accompany him on their little trip into town. On the one hand he was relieved that he wouldn’t have to feel like a third wheel around Duo and Hilde, but on the other, he would actually be expected to interact with Heero.

Trowa snorted to himself at what the other boy seemed to deem as interaction. He had purposely avoided thinking about the kiss, trying to shove that thought to the back of his mind. Every now and again though, the memory would catch him when he least expected it. He’d see Heero out of the corner of his eye and think about how the smaller boy’s lips had felt on his.

Trowa couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to kiss Heero again. He wanted the pleasure, but he didn’t think he’d be able to cope with the guilt that came with it. He felt messed up enough just from that one kiss and he dreaded to think how he’d be if they ever took things any further.

‘But we’re not going to take things any further,’ he reminded himself firmly. All he and Heero were going to do was tag along on Duo and Hilde’s date. That was all.

So why did he feel disappointed?

Trowa was vaguely aware of the sound of the door being opened, but he didn’t look up. “Is he here yet, Duo?” he asked softly, not letting up on his playing as he waited for an answer.

He was so caught up in the music that it took him a while to realise that whomever had entered the chapel couldn’t be Duo. Duo was never this quiet for so long and Trowa’s fingers fell from the keys as he twisted slightly in his seat to see who it was.

“Don’t stop.”

Trowa couldn’t figure out whether the quiet voice had made a request or a demand, but he stiffened slightly when he felt the intruder walk up to stand close behind him.

“Heero.”

“Hnn.”

Trowa’s lips twitched in amusement. Apparently the other boy was feeling as communicative as ever.

“We’ve been waiting for you.”

“I know.”

“We should go.”

“No.”

Trowa frowned slightly. “No?” he echoed. “Why not?”

“I wanted to be with you,” Heero stated. Trowa looked down at where his hands where still resting on the keys, the piano having long since fallen silent. “I thought I asked you to keep playing.”

“You did,” Trowa replied quietly.

“So why don’t you?” Heero asked. Trowa shrugged and then froze when he felt warm hands settle on his shoulders. He fought hard to keep from shivering when he felt Heero’s hot breath against his ear. “Please,” he murmured. “I want to hear you play.”

“What should I play?” Trowa’s voice was equally soft as though he was afraid of breaking the tranquil spell that Heero had seemingly lulled them into.

“Anything,” was the reply. Trowa nodded mutely and began playing again. He didn’t know what music Heero liked to hear if any, but he figured that he couldn’t go far wrong with a hymn. He could almost hear Duo singing along in his mind as he played.

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there’s despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness only light
And where there’s sadness ever joy

Trowa almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a pair of soft lips brush against the nape of his neck and he faltered for a second, striking a couple of wrong notes.

“Keep playing,” was Heero’s only response and Trowa did so, occasionally drawing in a sharp breath whenever Heero’s lips sought out a sensitive spot on his skin.

Oh master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul

Finally, the song came to an end and silence fell once again.

“Beautiful,” Heero whispered and Trowa closed his eyes, unsure of whether Heero meant the song or him. His question was quickly answered when Heero gently pulled on his shoulder so that Trowa was facing away from the piano. He moved between Trowa’s legs and touched his fingers to the taller boy’s face, tilting his chin up slightly.

Heero caught Trowa’s gaze with his own, keeping his hold on the other boy’s chin so that he couldn’t look away. “Why are you so afraid of me, Trowa?” he asked softly.

Trowa blinked up at him, unable to think clearly being in such close proximity to the other boy. He could feel the warmth of Heero’s body against his. He wasn’t feeling too uncomfortable yet with the closeness, but he wasn’t sure how long that would last.

“I…I don’t know,” he murmured, closing his eyes, giving himself up to the feeling of Heero’s calloused fingers gently caressing his face. “I…you make me feel confused…”

“Why is that?” Heero queried, tracing the lines and contours of Trowa’s face as he talked. “Am I doing something to make you feel bad?”

“Mmm,” was all Trowa could say in reply. “No, I…”

“What is it, Trowa?”

“We shouldn’t…it’s wrong…”

“You think it’s wrong?” Heero’s voice was quiet, but his words were fierce. “How can something that feels so right be so wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Trowa muttered, his brow creasing slightly as he tried to concentrate. “It’s just not right.”

“Who says so? God?” Heero retorted, sliding his free hand into Trowa’s hair, toying with the soft strands. “We’re all going to go to Hell, Trowa. It doesn’t really matter which way we get there.”

Trowa frowned slightly at those words. “Your pillow talk leaves…a lot to be desired,” he managed to get out, struggling to open his eyes as Heero carefully explored the shape of his face.

The deep, throaty sound that came from Heero might have been a laugh. Trowa couldn’t tell for sure, he was too busy feeling right now. He almost didn’t notice when his own hand trailed up Heero’s back and into his hair, pulling the other boy closer.

It almost felt like a dream as he felt himself lean up slightly and touch his lips to Heero’s. He tasted nice, Trowa thought to himself, wondering why he had waited so long to kiss Heero again. It took him a moment to register the fact that the other boy wasn’t responding to his kiss and he pulled away slightly, his eyes fluttering open, unsure as to what was going on.

He was met with the sight of Heero standing stock still, his eyes closed and his hand still cupping Trowa’s cheek. His thumb was idly rubbing against his skin and it was then that he realised that Heero was holding himself back so that Trowa could be in control.

Trowa could almost hear the pounding of his own heart as he arched up once more, capturing Heero’s mouth in a gentle kiss. He kept things simple at first, still feeling a little awkward with what he was doing. Heero’s lips felt so soft pressed against his own and Trowa wondered what the rest of him would feel like.

Heero had been right though. How could something that felt this good be so bad?

His hand tightened in Heero’s hair, fingers clenching the messy locks. He could vaguely hear the delicate sound of their mouths meeting again and again and Trowa sighed, carefully taking Heero’s lower lip between his teeth and nipping lightly.

Heero opened his mouth on a soft moan and Trowa took the opportunity to slide his tongue inside the other boy’s mouth, hesitantly running it along the inside of Heero’s cheek, nudging against Heero’s own tongue. This was nice, Trowa decided, small sounds of pleasure escaping his throat as they kissed languidly. In fact, it was more than nice…

“What the Hell do you think you’re doing?”

Trowa jerked apart from Heero guiltily, his eyes widening when he saw Duo standing in the entrance of the chapel, his expression one of shock and disbelief.

“I…we were just…” Trowa stammered, but Duo cut him off.

“Heero, would you mind giving me a few minutes alone with my brother please?” he asked steadily. Heero frowned slightly, glancing back and forth between Trowa and Duo.

“It’s okay, Heero,” Trowa said softly, lowering his gaze. “We’ll be out in a minute.”

Heero nodded uncertainly and slowly moved away from Trowa, glowering at Duo as he walked past the other boy. Duo waited until the door was closed before he spoke again.

“May I ask what exactly you think you were doing kissing him?” he asked, his voice calm. “Do you want to tell me something, Trowa?”

Trowa stayed silent, not moving his gaze from where it was fixed on the floor. There wasn’t anything that he could say. There was no point trying to deny anything. Duo had seen with his own eyes exactly what was going on.

“Are you trying to say that you get your kicks out of kissing other guys?” Duo asked after a while. “Or were you and Heero trying to pull some sort of joke on me?”

“It wasn’t a joke, Duo,” Trowa said quietly.

“So you do like kissing other guys,” Duo said, shaking his head. “Why?”

“Why?” Trowa repeated in confusion, finally looking up. “What do you mean why?”

“Trowa, I thought we never kept secrets from each other,” Duo said softly and Trowa could see that his expression had changed to one of hurt.

“We don’t,” he replied, but Duo only narrowed his eyes.

“Oh yeah? Then how come you never told me that you just happen to be gay?” the braided boy asked accusingly.

“I…Duo, it’s not like that,” Trowa murmured. “It’s complicated, okay? I still don’t really know what’s going on here.”

“You don’t huh? Well, it sure didn’t look like it from where I was standing,” Duo told him. “So how long have you and Heero been going at it? I thought you had a girlfriend, Trowa. Does she know about this? Do you even like her in that way?”

Trowa looked away miserably, not wanting to face Duo’s anger anymore. “Duo,” he said softly. “I think I need to be alone right now.”

Duo stared at him for a long moment, but didn’t say anything.

“Please, Duo,” Trowa said again. “I need time to try and think things through.”

Duo still didn’t reply and that upset Trowa more than anything. Duo only ever didn’t respond when he was really angry or upset and it took a lot for that to happen. Long moments passed and finally Duo frowned down at Trowa before turning on his heel and walking out of the church, slamming the door behind him.

Trowa slumped down further in his seat, now feeling thoroughly miserable. Duo probably hated him and would never even look at him again never mind speak to him. Not for the first time, Trowa found himself cursing the fact that he was alive. Dammit, why couldn’t things ever be simple?