Open Your Eyes

“Trowa? Is that you, Trowa?”

“Go away, Dorothy.”

Dorothy Catalonia stared down at the huddled form of Trowa Barton, not daring to move any closer to him just yet. He was crouched in the corner of an alleyway, his hand tightly gripping something that she couldn’t see clearly. It didn’t take a highly observant person to notice that he was obviously upset and she didn’t want to do anything that might push him over the edge.

“Trowa, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you at home?” She kept her voice as low and comforting as she could, trying to soothe his fears. If she could just talk him into trusting her, maybe she could get him home where it was safe.

“I went away,” he said simply, still not looking at her. “I’m never going back. After tonight, they’ll never see me again.”

“You’re going to run away?” Dorothy asked carefully.

“No, I’m going to kill myself.”

Dorothy’s eyes widened at that. He’d stated it so simply, so coldly and the way he’d said it sent chills up her spine. She had to talk him out of this. “Why would you want to do that?” she queried. ‘Keep him talking,’ she reminded herself. If he were talking, he wouldn’t do any harm to either him or herself.

“Dorothy, have you ever had one of those days where you wish you could just stop and hit rewind?”

“All the time,” she replied, wondering where he was going with this. “I take it you do too?”

“You have no idea,” he said, shaking his head. “I just can’t deal with this anymore. I don’t want to live anymore. My family hate me and are ashamed of me. Relena hates me for taking Heero away from her.”

“He was never hers to begin with,” Dorothy pointed out smoothly. Trowa just glared at her.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters to me. I’m going to end this, Dorothy. If I’m gone, all the people I care about will be able to get on with their lives so much easier if I’m not in it.”

“Don’t you talk like that!” Dorothy said sharply. “That’s not true at all, Trowa and you know it. Think of all the people who would miss you if you were gone. Your family would miss you. Heero would miss you. I would miss you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“No,” Trowa said flatly. Dorothy almost growled.

“Dammit, why do you have to be such a blockhead?” she said angrily. “You need to grow up and stop thinking about yourself all the time. I thought you loved Heero. That’s what you told me. What would he think if he knew the person he loved had just decided to commit suicide just because he was feeling sorry for himself?”

“You don’t know me!” Trowa snapped, narrowing his eyes. “Don’t think you can talk me out of this because you can’t. I’m going to go through with this whether you like it or not.” He raised his hand and Dorothy saw the glint of cold hard steel.

“Where did you get the gun, Trowa?” she asked softly, trying to ignore the way her stomach was tying itself in knots.

“I used my resources,” he replied with a smirk. Damn him, he almost looked amused. “Now, unless you have a strong stomach, I suggest that you go away. I doubt you’d want to witness this.”

It was then that Dorothy really saw red. “You stupid fool!” she cried, leaping forward and delivering a hard, vicious punch to his face. His head snapped back from the blow and Dorothy cursed, rubbing her fist with her free hand. “You’re so stupid, Trowa!” she growled, grabbing hold of his shoulders and shaking him. “You’re a fucking stupid idiot!”

She had been shaking him with so much force that it took her a few seconds to realise that he wasn’t fighting back in the slightest. She glanced up at his face and was surprised to see that he looked shocked, dazed even. Good, she thought angrily. So she had managed to knock some sense into him after all.

“You’re such a coward!” she told him, grabbing his face in her hands to force him to look at her. “A selfish, stupid, miserable coward who can’t bring himself to face his own problems. I thought more of you than this, Trowa. I thought you were different. You never seemed like the type to throw their life away over something this trivial. Real men don’t run away from their problems. Only cowards.”

Dorothy’s shoulders slumped slightly as the adrenaline rush faded. All of a sudden, she felt tired and weary. She jumped when she felt a pair of hands settle on her shoulders and she looked up to see Trowa staring down at her. He no longer looked shocked and his expression was now one of guilt and shame. He looked like a lost little boy, she thought to herself. It was then she realised that he really was.

She’d accused him of being a coward, of not being man enough to face his own problems. But he was still just a boy…he was simply too young to deal with the things that had been thrown his way and he’d reacted in the only way he knew how. And she’d yelled at him, even hit him. Dorothy felt like a complete heel.

“Trowa, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, clinging to him. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I was angry and I take them back. Please forgive me, Trowa.”

She was surprised when she felt him gently touch a finger to her cheek and it was then she realised that she had been crying. She sniffled slightly, feeling ashamed for breaking down like that in front of him. She had never cried like this before, so what was wrong with her?

“Dorothy.”

His voice. So different to how it had been just a short while ago, so calm and compassionate. She looked up into his eyes and saw that he was smiling slightly. Why was he smiling?

“I should be the one to apologise,” he said softly. “You’re right. I was being an idiot. I was being selfish. I didn’t think of you…or Heero…or anybody else. I only thought of myself. I’m sorry, Dorothy. I’m so sorry.”

He looked down and Dorothy heard the clatter of the gun as it fell from his grasp and hit the ground. “Oh, Trowa,” she murmured, reaching for him and burying her face in his hair. She stroked his back soothingly and kissed the top of his head. “Come on,” she said after a while. “We need to get you back somewhere safe. I know you don’t want to go home right now so you can stay at my house at least for a couple of days while you try to sort yourself out.”

She tipped his chin up and frowned down at him. “But after that, you have to go back and work things out, okay? You have people who care about you, Trowa. Don’t you ever forget that.”

She rose to her feet awkwardly, pulling him up with her. “Come on,” she said, wrapping an arm around his waist. He allowed her to steady him, trying not to lean too much of his weight on her. “Let’s go, Trowa. Let’s get out of here.”