Open Your Eyes

“What exactly do you think you’re trying to pull here?”

Trowa looked down at the irate girl standing before him. “What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“What I mean,” Relena told him, drawing herself up to her full height, which compared to Trowa’s wasn’t much. Trowa recognised an intimidation technique when he saw one though and although he was the one with the height advantage, Relena seemed to be driving on pure anger. “Heero had a talk with me earlier,” she continued, flipping her hair back over her shoulder. “And he told me in his own way to buzz off. Understand now that Heero does that quite regularly. It’s this silly kind of game he enjoys playing with me.”

“And your point is?” Trowa asked beginning to realise that the little ‘talk’ that Heero must have had with Relena must not have gone down all that well.

“My point is,” Relena said archly. “Is that after Heero told me to leave him the Hell alone, he also told me something that I found rather interesting. He told me that he wasn’t in love with me, but with someone else. At first I thought he was joking. I mean, come on! I’ve been in love with Heero for such a long time now, why wouldn’t he return my feelings? But anyway, he said that he was in love with someone other than me and you know how that made me feel?”

She carried on before Trowa could say anything. “It made me feel angry. Upset. Betrayed. Now, imagine how I felt when Heero told me that he just happened to be in love with another boy and that not only was he in love with someone of the same sex, it just so happened to be you. Now, I want to know what you’ve been doing to my Heero,” she snapped. “You’ve somehow managed to turn him to your sick ways and I won’t settle for it. Heero was never this way before he met you, Trowa and you’ve made him into some sort of a freak!”

“Heero is not a freak,” Trowa protested. “And neither am I for that matter. You can’t control Heero, Relena. You can’t force him into doing something that he doesn’t want to do.”

“You managed it,” Relena said bitterly. “I thought you were supposed to be dating Dorothy, Trowa.”

“Dorothy and I are no longer seeing each other in that way,” Trowa replied, keeping his voice as calm as he could.

“You mean you dumped her for Heero,” Relena told him. “You’re worse than I thought.”

“Think what you want about me,” Trowa said tiredly. “Dorothy knows about Heero. She took the news a lot better than you did. I’m sorry if you think that I took Heero away from you, but he’s the only one who can make these decisions. It’s his choice who he decides to stay with and you or I can only influence that choice, not control it completely for him.”

“Well if that’s the way you feel, I’m sure you won’t mind telling it to the headmaster,” Relena said with a smug smile. Trowa’s face must have registered some sort of surprise because her smile widened in response. “That’s right, Trowa. Once I learned about yours and Heero’s sordid little affair, I went and informed the school authorities who were very interested in what I had to say.”

“You told the headmaster?” Trowa asked in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’d stoop so low!”

“Now nearly as low as you,” Relena said with a smirk. “Anyway, I’m afraid I have to dash, Trowa dear so like I said, don’t be too surprised if you find yourself called in to explain yourself sometime. Bye-bye now.”

Trowa glared at her back as she left. It wasn’t too long before the anger drained out of him though and he sank down onto a nearby bench, burying his head in his hands. He fought the urge to panic, but he couldn’t see any way out of this. If Relena had been telling the truth and he had no doubts that she had, then he really would be called up to talk to the school officials. After they’d chewed him out and probably expelled him, then he would have to deal with Father Maxwell and Sister Helen and that would be even worse. He wouldn’t be surprised if they disowned him for this.

Trowa groaned quietly, wishing he knew what he could do. Things had been going so well for him as well, but then it was just his luck after all. He should have been more suspicious when things had been all hunky-dory. That was the way his life worked. Sometimes he’d experience a short period of something that resembled happiness and then everything would come crashing down around him.

It took him a few seconds to realise that someone was speaking over the tannoy system and he listened closely, feeling his heart sink at what he heard.

“Would Trowa Barton please report to the headmaster’s office immediately. I repeat, would Trowa Barton report to the headmaster’s office. Thank you.”

Well, there was the death knell, Trowa thought to himself as he rose to his feet and began to walk in the direction of where he had just been called. He might well have been a condemned man walking to the gallows for all he felt. Only what was in store for him would be so much worse than a hanging. Trowa didn’t realise much worse it could be until he stepped inside the headmaster’s office. When he saw who was there waiting for him, all hope died in him completely.

Sitting side by side across from the headmaster’s desk was Father Maxwell and Sister Helen and neither of them looked particularly happy to see him.

“Trowa,” the headmaster said in greeting. “Please take a seat. I believe there are some things that we need to discuss.”

Trowa nodded silently, sitting down on the chair nearby Father Maxwell and fixing his gaze firmly on the floor.

“Trowa Barton, you’ve been called into this little meeting today so that we can discuss certain information that has been given to us by one Relena Peacecraft,” the headmaster began. “She informed us that you and Heero Yuy have recently started sharing some sort of indecent relationship.”

“It’s not indecent,” Trowa muttered angrily.

“I see.” The headmaster’s voice was calm and annoyingly patronising. Trowa wondered if Heero had already been called in and what he would have said in response to the headmaster’s accusations. Most likely, he would have threatened to bring his chair down on the man’s head before coolly telling him to leave him the Hell alone. Trowa smiled inwardly at the thought, trying to gather strength from it and from Heero.

“But the two of you do have a relationship that would not be seen as platonic, am I correct?”

Trowa glanced up at the headmaster and nodded once.

The headmaster sighed and leaned forward so that his elbows were resting on his desk. “Trowa, I know you’re at an age where you feel confused about yourself and your sexuality, but do you really think that being around Heero Yuy is really such a good thing?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Trowa asked, suddenly feeling stubborn. He had just been through this with Relena and he didn’t really feel the need to justify himself or his and Heero’s relationship anymore. “Look, I know you might see it as bad or wrong, but the fact is that I love him. I don’t care that I just happen to be in love with someone of the same sex. I…I just love him,” he added quietly.

“Trowa…” The headmaster seemed as though he was struggling to keep hold of his patience. “I’m aware that you’ve had somewhat of a difficult past as your records have shown, so I won’t be as harsh with you as I should be. I believe that you are genuinely confused about yourself and that maybe you should seek professional help. We have an excellent team of school counsellors who you might like to speak to.” He looked down at his desk and flipped through a few pages. “It says here that you’ve never been for counselling at all. Can you tell me why that is, Trowa?”

“I never felt that need,” Trowa said calmly. “Just because I didn’t feel the need to talk to some stranger about my personal problems doesn’t mean I’m insane.”

“I’m aware of that,” the headmaster replied tiredly. “I just think it would be for the best if you did speak to someone.” He picked up a pen and scribbled something down on a slip of paper before handing it over to Father Maxwell. “This is the number you can reach our counselling department at. I recommend that you start arranging regular appointments for Trowa. In the meantime, you might try and discuss this matter amongst yourselves to try and resolves these issues. Trowa, I’ll allow you to take the rest of the day off so that you can sort things out with your family.”

Trowa just nodded numbly, daring a glance at Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. Father Maxwell just gazed stonily ahead while Sister Helen looked more than a little upset. Trowa bit his lip. They were acting calm and collected now, but he knew that the real trouble wouldn’t begin until they arrived back home.

“Come on, Trowa,” said Sister Helen softly. “Let’s go home.”

Father Maxwell quietly thanked the headmaster and then led the way out of the office. Trowa trailed behind them, unwilling to walk too close. He could feel the disappointment and upset pouring off of them like waves and he felt bad for being the cause of that upset.

They were silent during the time it took for them to get back to the church and once Father Maxwell pulled up into the parking lot, Trowa clenched his fists as though he was bracing himself for a fight. In a way, he was. It just wasn’t a physical fight.

Nothing else was said until Father Maxwell bade Trowa sit down in the living room. Father Maxwell stayed standing, staring down at Trowa from his vantage point.

“I see that you didn’t deny any of the headmaster’s accusations,” he said evenly. “So he was correct in informing us that you have been having relations with someone of the same sex?”

Trowa nodded mutely, trying to keep his temper in check. He hated arguing at the best of times and he wanted to avoid it if he could.

Sister Helen spoke up next. “Trowa dear, you do know that that kind of thing is considered as wrong,” she said softly, leaning forward and taking his hand. “Maybe it was something we did. Your headmaster picked up on the fact that you’ve never asked for counselling. I realise now that we’ve never really talked about how you must be feeling before. I know you’ve always been a quiet boy, but Trowa, you would tell us if there was anything wrong, wouldn’t you?”

Trowa nodded once more. “There’s nothing wrong with me,” he murmured. “I’m sorry for upsetting you and I know that the church still sees homosexuality as a sin, but…I love Heero. Really, I do.”

“I see.” Father Maxwell sat down next to Trowa on the sofa. “Trowa, did you ever stop to think that this Heero boy might be leading you on at all? How would you know if what you have really is love? Have you ever been in love before?”

“No,” said Trowa. “But I know what love is. I know there are different types of love and the love that I have for Heero…well, that’s definitely different.” He tried to force a weak smile. “I’m not a freak,” he said earnestly. “Neither is Heero. Just because we’re different doesn’t mean that we’re…that we’re bad.”

“Oh, Trowa, we never said that you were bad,” Sister Helen told him soothingly. “I just think that you might be mistaken at all. You’re still young and unlearned in the ways of life. Maybe you think that you love him when really you’re just confusing love with some other emotion. I think that you believe that you’re a homosexual, but it doesn’t prove that you are one. You did date Dorothy for a while, did you not?”

“Yes, I did,” Trowa replied. “But I never felt anything for her like I do for Heero. Heero makes me feel…he makes me feel good about myself. He told me that he loves me and that he wouldn’t let anybody hurt me ever again. That’s not so bad, is it?”

“Maybe you do love him,” Father Maxwell said after a while. “But you know that Sister and I simply can’t allow such a thing under our roof. You and Heero…you’ve never…indulged in any…” The elderly priest seemed to stumble over his words slightly. “Any…sexual activities, have you?”

“No!” said Trowa vehemently, knowing that he must be blushing terribly. He didn’t mention the fact that he’d sometimes thought about it though.

“Well then, maybe we can still help you,” said Father Maxwell, his voice tinged with relief. “I think it would be for the best if you didn’t see Heero any more.”

“What?” Trowa rose to his feet in astonishment. “Not see Heero? But…but why?”

“You need to seek forgiveness from the Lord,” Father Maxwell told him gently. “Thankfully, all you have is a teenage crush. Things aren’t as bad as I thought they were. All you have to do is admit that you were wrong, Trowa. The Lord if very forgiving, you know that.”

“I don’t care what the Lord thinks!” Trowa burst out. “Heero and I haven’t done anything wrong! It’s not fair that you won’t allow for us to see each other anymore. I love him! Why is that such a difficult concept to get your heads around?”

“Trowa, I think Heero has had a bad influence on you,” Father Maxwell announced, getting to his feet also. “You’ve never acted in this way before and it’s obviously because of him. Why, you’re rude bordering on offensive and that is most unlike you.”

Trowa took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “I’m sorry if I’ve been rude,” he said shortly. “But I know that I’m not wrong. You can’t keep me away from Heero, you just can’t!” He knew he must be acting somewhat melodramatic, but he couldn’t help it. The mere thought of not being able to see Heero again was almost enough to set him off into hysterics. Now that he’d found Heero, he couldn’t let him go. At least not without a fight.

Father Maxwell sighed. “Trowa, you know I don’t believe in forcing you to do something against your will, but you must listen to us on this one. Sister Helen and I fear for you and we simply can’t allow you to fall from the good graces of the church.” He placed his hands on Trowa’s shoulders. “We took you in when no one else would. We look upon you as we would our own flesh and blood. We care for you and love you because those are the Lord’s teachings. Trowa, we’re just trying to choose what’s best for you.”

“I know,” Trowa said miserably, hanging his head. “And I’m sorry. But…if that’s what it takes, then I don’t want to be a Catholic anymore.” He winced upon hearing Sister Helen’s gasp of shock, but continued. “I don’t want to be a Catholic if it means I can’t be with Heero anymore. Please understand,” he said softly. “I just want to be with him.”

“Trowa.” When Father Maxwell spoke again, his voice was stern. “I want you to go to your room and think about what you’ve just said. I also want you to pray, Trowa. You must ask the Lord for forgiveness. I’m sure that He would understand your wanting to reject him, but you mustn’t do such a thing. It was bad enough to say it, but to actually do such a thing…”

“I said I don’t–”

“Go to your room!”

Trowa stared at Father Maxwell in shock. This was the first time he’d ever heard the priest raise his voice before.

“Do as Father says, Trowa.” Sister Helen sounded as though she was about to cry and Trowa noticed that she was tightly clutching the crucifix around her neck. Trowa nodded, his heart sinking as he trudged wordlessly up to his room. For the first time in his life, he’d made Father Maxwell angry. ‘They must hate me so much,’ he thought bitterly. ‘They must be so ashamed.’

Well, there was only one thing he could think to do in order to solve this problem. ‘I’m sorry, Father…Sister,’ he thought, throwing open his bedroom window and carefully climbing out onto the tree outside. ‘It would be better for you if I wasn’t with you anymore. Then you wouldn’t have to deal with me and my problems. I’ll take care of them all by myself.’