Open Your Eyes

“Trowa? We need to talk.”

Heero looked down at the taller boy who at present was sitting with his back against the trunk of an old oak tree, his eyes closed. Trowa’s eyes fluttered open and he smiled slightly upon seeing Heero.

“Sure thing. Sit down,” he said, patting the ground beside him. Heero sat down next to him, crossing his legs and placing his book bag on his knee. “What is it you wanted to talk about?”

Heero stared at the other boy for a long moment, trying to think of the best way he could put into words what he had told Duo earlier. He’d been so determined to let Trowa know how he felt about him, but now that he was right here in front of him, Heero suddenly found himself nervous and he didn’t like it.

He looked away from the taller boy and began absently plucking at the grass, suddenly reminded of Trowa’s eyes. “I talked to your brother,” he said finally.

“You talked to Duo?” Trowa asked, raising one eyebrow in question.

“Okay, he came looking for me to tell me that he’d kill me if I ever hurt you,” Heero told him.

Trowa sighed. “I’m sorry, Heero,” he said quietly. “I’ll have a word with him about it. He worries too much about me sometimes, so I’m really sorry if he said anything to upset you.”

“It’s not that,” Heero assured him.

“It isn’t? Then what?” Trowa frowned slightly when the other boy didn’t answer right away. “Heero? What did he say?”

“Why did you slit your wrists?” Heero blurted out suddenly. His eyes widened and he felt the urge to smack himself on the head for being so stupid. So much for tact.

Trowa seemed a little caught off-guard by that question, but on the whole, he didn’t appear to be too surprised. “So that’s what you guys were talking about,” he said quietly. “How did he tell you?”

“He just mentioned that you had run away from your foster parents,” Heero muttered. “He said that you were unhappy. He didn’t exactly go into detail.”

“I see,” was all Trowa said.

Heero risked a glance at the taller boy and he was upset to see that Trowa’s facial features looked pinched as though he was experiencing a headache of epic proportions. “Why did you do it, Trowa?” he asked softly.

“Because I wanted to die,” Trowa replied matter of factly.

Heero fought the urge to sigh. “But why?” he queried. “Why would things be so bad that you didn’t want to live anymore?”

Trowa’s eyes narrowed slightly and Heero quite rightly took it as a danger sign. “Why do you even want to know?” he asked stiffly. “Why didn’t you just ask Duo?”

“Because I wanted to hear it from you,” Heero said calmly. “Because I want to get to know you better, Trowa. Is that so wrong?” Trowa just shrugged. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” Trowa said flatly. He shifted slightly and Heero could see that his posture had changed from being relaxed to rigid and it didn’t take an empathic to know that Trowa must be feeling pretty damn uncomfortable. Duo had warned him that this was still a touchy subject for Trowa and Heero didn’t want to push him too far.

“Okay,” Heero said slowly. “Will you tell me how you and Duo first met?”

“I slit my wrists. He found me and called an ambulance before I could bleed to death. The end,” Trowa said sharply. Heero frowned and reached out to gently touch Trowa’s shoulder. The other boy flinched, but he didn’t move away, just kept staring straight ahead.

“Trowa, I know this must be hard for you–”

“How could you know, Heero?” Trowa interrupted sharply. “Have you ever tried to kill yourself? Did you ever have a death wish?”

Heero’s silence spoke for itself and not for the first time, he found himself wishing that he were more like Quatre. Quatre would be able to handle situations like this. Quatre wouldn’t have launched an offensive and attacked Trowa’s weak points, namely his reluctance to talk about his past.

Trowa took a deep breath and suddenly he changed from being agitated and irate to being carefully expressionless. He had relaxed again somewhat, but it was only a false pretence that he was okay. He still sat somewhat stiffly and Heero forced himself to choose his words carefully before continuing.

“Trowa, I want to learn how to get closer to you,” he said softly. “But you’re going to have to help me do that. And I want you to know that this isn’t just a one-way thing. You can ask me whatever you want in return, all right?”

Trowa looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “Quid pro quo, Heero,” he said quietly. Heero’s expression must have clearly been one of puzzlement because Trowa relaxed even further, his expression transforming from tense to mildly amused. “It’s Latin, Heero. I tell you things, you tell me things. Quid pro quo.”

Heero stared at him carefully, but nodded. “All right. So who goes first?”

“Was the only reason you came to talk to me today to find out why I tried to commit suicide?” Trowa asked, ignoring the other boy’s initial question.

“No,” Heero replied. “I…I just realised that if we want to make this work, then we’re both going to have to make an effort. It takes two people to make a relationship to work.”

“It takes one person to destroy a relationship,” Trowa pointed out mildly.

Heero only shrugged. “I kept up my end of the deal. Quid pro quo.” He paused for a moment before saying, “Do we even have a relationship, Trowa?”

Trowa looked at him thoughtfully before nodding. “I’d like to think so,” he said. “Albeit a somewhat complicated one, but a relationship none the less. What do you think about Relena?”

Heero blinked at the sudden change in subject, but it was his turn to answer one of Trowa’s questions. “I think she’s a nice enough girl. She needs to learn to butt out where she’s not wanted, but other than that, she’s okay. What do you think about Dorothy?”

“I feel sorry for her,” was Trowa’s quiet reply. “She deserves a lot better than me. Preferably someone who looks upon females as being attractive rather than potential sister figures. Have you ever liked girls?”

“You mean do I find them attractive?” Heero shook his head. “Not nearly as attractive as you.” He smiled slightly when he saw that Trowa’s cheeks were tinged with red, but he didn’t comment on it. Anyway, it was time for another question. “Do you find me attractive?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Trowa replied, finally turning to face Heero directly.

“You answered a question with a question,” Heero pointed out. “Evasive tactics. Do you find me attractive?”

Trowa looked away again and Heero barely caught his whispered response. “Very much so.” He cleared his throat and his voice was a little louder when he spoke again. “Why do you like me, Heero?”

Heero bit his lip, wondering whether or not he should just come out and tell Trowa now. Looking at the other boy though, his resolve wavered slightly and again, he felt like kicking himself for being such a coward. And he was the one who’d accused Trowa of being evasive.

“I think you’re beautiful,” he finally said. There. It was honest and there was no way that Trowa could take offence by that.

Trowa glanced up at him, but his expression was sceptical. Heero was puzzled. “You seem upset,” he said. “Did you not want to hear that?”

“Heero, I’m not beautiful,” Trowa said flatly.

Heero glared at him. “Oh no? Then there must be some other guy I know who makes my heart beat faster every time I look at him. It must be someone else who every time I watch him speak, all I can think about is covering his lips with my own. It must be someone else I know who plays piano like he was born doing it.”

“If you think I’m good on piano, you should hear me on flute.”

Heero blinked in surprise, his head cocking slightly to the side. Had Trowa just made a joke? “Trowa, was that a joke?”

“Yes,” Trowa said, his lips curved up in a tiny smile. “Did you find it amusing?”

“I was too surprised to really take notice,” Heero replied truthfully. “If you’re going to make me laugh again in future, I’ll try to pay attention.”

“I’ll be sure to give you a warning in advance,” Trowa told him solemnly.

Heero smiled at Trowa. Really smiled. Not one of his usual little smirks, or one of his half-hearted attempts at smiling. This was the real thing and he hoped that Trowa was aware of that. Judging by the way the taller boy was looking at him, Heero guessed that he did. “Do you want our relationship to work out?” he asked hesitantly.

Trowa stared at him for a while and Heero was almost afraid that he would say no, but then Trowa nodded quickly.

“I want it to work out,” he whispered. “God knows I want it to, Heero. But I don’t know if it will. Duo is the only one who knows about us. I don’t even know if I want anyone else to find out.”

“Then we can figure it out when the time comes,” Heero assured him. “First of all, we need to make sure that we’re comfortable with each other before we go about telling anyone else. I want to make sure that you feel happy with this and that you won’t bolt from me anymore when I try to kiss you or show you some sign of affection.”

Trowa cast his gaze down demurely at that and Heero sighed, inching closer to the taller boy and tipping his chin up so that he could meet his eyes. “I wasn’t criticising you, Trowa,” he said. “All I need to know is that I can kiss you and know that you’re enjoying it.”

“But I do,” Trowa murmured, his tongue darting out to wet his lower lip. “God help me, I do enjoy it, I… Heero?”

The smaller boy reluctantly moved his gaze from Trowa’s tempting lips to his eyes. “What is it?”

“Do you ever think that someday we might…you know…do something more than kissing?” Trowa’s voice was so quiet Heero could barely hear him and he moved even closer to the other boy. So that he could hear him better, he told himself.

“Maybe,” he replied. “When you’re ready for it. When we’re ready for it.”

Trowa nodded once. “So you want to…make love to me?”

“Right here?” Heero asked and Trowa pulled away, flustered.

“No!” he said, trying to look annoyed and failing. “I mean one day…when we’re ready and all…”

“Yeah, I know,” Heero said, all seriousness again. He cupped Trowa’s cheek with his hand, feeling the heated skin under his fingertips where Trowa was still blushing. Staring at the taller boy who was looking at him so trustingly, Heero suddenly felt very possessive. “I want you to break things off with Dorothy,” he announced. Trowa’s eyes widened, but he nodded.

“I’ve been meaning to do that for some time now,” he murmured.

“I just don’t want to have to share you with anyone else,” Heero said softly. “I want to know that I’m the only one you look at in this way, that I’m the only one that you want to kiss.”

“You are,” Trowa told him, closing his eyes. “Only you, Heero.”

“Hnn,” was also Heero said, but he couldn’t deny the fact that the other boy’s words had pleased him greatly. “I’ll try and knock some sense into Relena. A mallet might do the trick.”

He felt Trowa’s shoulders shake with silent laughter and again, he felt pleased. For the first time in his life, things felt right. It was as if Trowa was meant to be with him like this, that he was meant to hold Trowa and kiss him and make him laugh.

“Trowa?”

“Hmm?”

The taller boy’s eyes were still closed and that seemed to make Heero feel a little braver for what he was about to do.

“I…I love you.”

There. He’d said it. If anything, Duo would be happy. Now he just had to see how Trowa would react to those words.

The taller boy pulled away suddenly and stared at Heero, his eyes wide. “What did you say?”

“I love you,” Heero repeated, reaching out for Trowa. The other boy offered no resistance when Heero pulled him into his arms, resting his chin on the top of Trowa’s head. “You don’t have to say it back yet if you don’t want to. All I need is for you to know how I feel.”

“You love me?” Trowa asked, his tone disbelieving.

“Yes,” Heero said simply. “I love you, Trowa. And you’re the only person I’ve ever said that to, so don’t go thinking I don’t mean it because I do.”

Trowa was still staring at him, but his gaze had softened. “Heero, I–”

Heero placed a finger to his lips, shushing the boy before he could go any further. “Only say it when you’re ready to,” he murmured. “I love you.”

“Te quiero,” Trowa said softly and Heero raised an eyebrow. He didn’t know the other boy spoke Spanish.

“Ti amo,” Heero said in response, making Trowa smile.

“Je t’aime,” Trowa murmured.

“Ai shiteru,” Heero told him.

Between them, they managed another three different languages, Trowa finally catching Heero out with Swahili. Heero couldn’t even begin to imagine how the taller boy knew that language.

“Maybe someday you’ll be ready to tell me that in English,” Heero said teasingly, giving into temptation and lightly brushing his lips over Trowa’s.

“Some day,” Trowa whispered, reaching up to twine his fingers in Heero’s hair. “But not yet…”

“No,” Heero said, gently touching his mouth to Trowa’s, thirsty for another kiss from those sweet lips. “Not just yet…”