Live Through This

“Do you really have to go?”

Nanashi looked down at Duo sadly. The smaller boy was scuffing his toe on the floor and avoiding his gaze.

“Yes, I do,” Nanashi replied softly. “I can’t stay here. They even sent someone out looking for me to bring me back. I have to go back to Earth.”

“So that’s it then?” Duo asked angrily. “You’re just going to go and leave me all alone while you go join another stupid mercenary group? I thought you didn’t want to kill anymore.”

“I don’t,” Nanashi replied. “But it’s the only life I know.”

Duo looked up and his eyes were shining, but he wouldn’t let the tears fall.

“Well can’t I at least come with you?” he begged.

“I wouldn’t let that happen to you, Duo,” Nanashi told him gently. “It isn’t much of a life for anyone, let alone for someone of our age. It’ll be better this way if you stay here. At least you’ll be safe with the orphanage.”

“Yeah, but for how long?” Duo queried, sounding bitter. “Dammit, I just lose two of the people closest to me. I don’t want to lose you too.”

Nanashi sighed. “Duo, I have to go,” he said. “It’s for the best.”

“How do you know?” Duo argued. “I could learn to be just as good a mercenary as you, if not better. If I can drive a truck, I can work out how to pilot a mobile suit I’m sure.”

“Duo, you said it yourself that we shouldn’t be fighting,” Nanashi reminded him. “You hate wars. That’s why I can’t let you come with me. You’d just be miserable in a mercenary unit.”

“I don’t care!” Duo said vehemently. “I just want to be with you, but they want to take you away and I hate it!”

“I know how you feel,” Nanashi replied miserably. “But we can’t change anything. If I don’t go with them, they’ll just kill me somehow. Or they’d go after you.”

“But still…we could go on the run or something?” Duo suggested hopefully. “You ran away and came here to L2, right? I bet that if we ran off together, we could hide out in another colony where they could never find us.”

“We can’t,” Nanashi said flatly. “Even if we tried, they’d be able to track us down. Two kids travelling alone without an adult would immediately draw attention. And besides, we don’t have any money and we wouldn’t be able to steal forever without getting caught.”

“You’re so rational you make me sick,” Duo said with a glare, but it was a somewhat half-hearted one. He kicked the wall, taking his frustrations out on it, but Nanashi took his hand in an attempt to calm him down.

“We’ll see each other again,” he said. “Someday I’ll be able to get away from the mercenaries and I’ll come looking for you.”

Duo looked up at him, his eyes wide. “You promise?” he asked solemnly. Nanashi nodded.

“Yeah,” he replied. “The first chance I get to be free of them, I’ll find you.”

“If I ever get out of here,” Duo began, but then paused. “No, when I get out of here, I’ll come looking for you too,” he said. “If you stay on the Earth, it’ll be easier for me to find you, right?”

Nanashi nodded, not having the heart to tell the smaller boy that his work was going to be cut out for him. “Earth is a pretty big place, you know,” he said softly.

“I know that, dummy!” Duo said irritably, but he gave the taller boy’s hand a small squeeze. “Just promise me that you won’t forget me, okay? Or Father Maxwell or Sister Helen either. Remember all of us, all right?”

“How could I ever forget you?” asked Nanashi, coaxing a smile from the braided boy. “The three of you were the first ever people to show me kindness. I’m not going to forget that.”

Duo smiled up at him, then pulled his hand away from Nanashi’s. “Hey, I know…this should help you remember me better.” He reached behind his neck and fumbled with the chain he wore. After a few seconds he managed to get it undone and he handed the crucifix over to Nanashi. “I want you to have this,” Duo announced.

Nanashi took the necklace gingerly and stared at it in wonder. He remembered all too well what had happened the last time someone had given him a similar gift, but this was Duo. Duo wouldn’t betray him. He trusted the boy.

“I can’t accept this,” he whispered. “Sister Helen gave you this. You need it to remember her.”

“Hey, are you trying to say that I have a crappy memory?” Duo teased, trying to lighten the moment. “I want you to have it. I want to know that you’ll wear it and every time you get sad or lonely, you’ll be able to look at it and think of me. And besides,” he added with a small grin. “You’ll have to give it back to me eventually. So keep it for me now, but when you see me again, you can give it back to me then, all right?”

Nanashi nodded, allowing Duo to fasten the chain around his neck. “I’ll keep it for now,” he said. “But I promise that you’ll get it back someday.”

The smaller boy smiled and drew him into a hug and Nanashi buried his face into Duo’s shoulder, never wanting to let him go. He started when he felt a tap on his shoulder and he looked up, not letting go of Duo just yet.

“The plane’s about to leave,” the man who had introduced himself as Ralph Kurt announced. He was the one who had come to take Nanashi back and the boy didn’ t much trust him although he seemed like an okay guy. ‘I guess I’ll just have to find out for myself if he really is okay,’ Nanashi thought to himself as he gave Duo one last squeeze before releasing him.

The smaller boy was reluctant to let go and he clung to Nanashi’s sleeve, glaring up at Ralph.

“You make sure that nothing bad happens to him,” he said. “Otherwise Shinigami will have your hide, pal.”

“You have my word,” Ralph replied, trying to hide his amusement over the tiny boy who was currently giving him orders. “Come on kid, we have to go,” he said, trying to pull Nanashi away as gently as he could.

Duo followed them until they reached the boarding gate. Nanashi turned to him and managed a small smile. “Goodbye, Duo,” he said.

“Don’t say goodbye,” Duo told him firmly. “Say ‘see you later,’ all right? ‘Cause I will see you again soon, you can count on it.”

“Okay,” Nanashi replied, grabbing Duo’s hand and squeezing it hard before letting go. “I’ll see you later, Duo.”

“See ya, Curtains,” Duo announced, putting on his devil may care face. “I’ll come looking for you, just you wait and see. I’ll come to Earth one day and we’ll be able to find each other again and everything’ll work out just fine, you mark my words.”

Nanashi swallowed, not wanting to leave at all. Maybe he could run away with Duo. It might work out okay; they just had to try, right?

“Time to go,” a voice said, interrupting his thoughts. Nanashi glanced up at this Ralph guy and he did look to be a little sympathetic. Nanashi sighed and gave Duo a final wave before turning away to board the plane, never looking back.

Even when the plane had taken off, Nanashi didn’t say anything to Ralph who had tried and failed to engage him in a conversation. Finally the man had just left him to his own thoughts, telling Nanashi that he was going to catch some sleep before they got to the Earth.

Earth…Nanashi thought. He’d put so much effort into leaving that planet, trying to escape his past, yet here he was returning to that same place. He’d finally succeeded in finding a family, somewhere to go home to only to have them ripped away from him.

Despite his words to Duo at the spaceport, he didn’t think he believed that they really would see each other again. What were the chances of that happening? He might get killed in battle, or something might happen to Duo, or they simply might never see each other again even if they did get round to searching for one another.

But then Nanashi fingered the cross at his neck, lifting it out from underneath his tunic so that he could get a good look at it.

“Every time you get sad or lonely, you’ll be able to look at that and think of me,” Duo had told him. The braided boy had promised that he would find Nanashi one day and Nanashi had made the same promise. Duo never lied and Nanashi knew it. If the smaller boy said that he would find him, then he would come Hell or high water.

That thought comforted Nanashi. Someone out there cared about him, wanted to see him again one day. The thought suddenly occurred to him that he was no longer nameless either. The one person he’d cared about more in the world had given him something he had always longed for, a name.

He even had a family still, even though he and Duo weren’t together anymore. Nanashi told himself to see this situation as a temporary setback. He may have his duties now, but once they were over, he would find Duo and together they would find somewhere to call home

Besides, he couldn’t keep this cross forever. He had to give it back to its rightful owner one day. Nanashi allowed himself a small smile, feeling a little better about himself. All he had to do was look at his cross and think about Duo. He was carrying a little piece of Duo and in a way it meant that Duo would always be with him.

Most people wore crucifixes because they thought it would mean that God was watching over them. Nanashi wore his cross because it had been given to him as a gift from someone who truly cared about him. It had been a gift from a boy who had taught him more about life than anyone else he’d ever known. Someone who had managed to pass on his philosophy and beliefs to him for Nanashi believed in only one God now and that was Shinigami.

End.