Disclaimer: GW doesn’t belong to me. Nuff said.
I’m stirred from that place between sleep and wakefulness when I feel the edge of the bed dip under his weight. I keep my eyes closed, not having to open them to know who it is. He comes to me every night to share my bed and it’s become something of a routine that we have. It’s been going on for so long now that I can’t really remember when it began. It’s even reached the stage where I have trouble sleeping without him beside me.
Despite what the others think of our little arrangement, all we really do is sleep. Sometimes I like to think of what might happen if we took one step further, but for now I’m happy with the way things are.
I listen to the sounds of him kicking off his sneakers; hear him setting his gun down on the bedside table. He lifts the sheets and I feel the cold air of the room hit my skin, making me shiver slightly. He’s quick to slide under the covers, snuggling up to my body as he wraps his arms around me. I shift a little so that I can circle my own arms around him and he gives a small sigh, resting his head on my chest. His legs tangle with mine and I start slightly when I feel the coldness of his skin seeking warmth from me.
Neither of us say anything; words aren’t needed right here and now. The only thing we need is each other. The steady rise and fall of his chest soothes me as does the rhythmic sound of his breathing. It’s familiar and comforting to me and I wonder how I ever got by without him.
It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep, but I stay awake, staring at him, the pale moonlight shining in through the open window and driving away the darkness of the room. Just like he drives away the darkness of my nightmares. It seems odd, but he seems to ward off my bad dreams when he’s here with me like this.
Just being around him makes me feel calmer, safer.
He talks in his sleep sometimes. I’ve never told him and he never asks about it. I’ll never forget the time when I awoke to hear him mumbling, “Left arm malfunctioning…56% capabilities…” Most people who talk in their sleep recite shopping lists or half-forgotten conversations. He runs diagnostics on his Gundam. Go figure.
I’m honoured that he places so much trust in me, that he’s willing to let his guard down around me. At first it bothered me that whenever we were together, he would instantly fall asleep, but now I realise it’s because he knows that I’ ll watch out for him while he’s vulnerable. I remember a time not too long ago when he rarely ever seemed to sleep, so it’s nice to see him so relaxed.
I don’t know how long I’ve been lying here studying him, but I need to get up so that I can go to the bathroom. He has this little habit that whenever I try to leave him while he’s still in a state of slumber he rolls on top of me so that I can’t move.
This time is no different as I make an attempt to disentangle our bodies. A slight frown crosses features that were previously relaxed and he makes a small sound of protest, tightening his grip on me. I manage to pull my arms free, but upon losing some of the warmth, he moves so that he’s pinning me down to the bed.
“Heero,” I whisper. “Let me up.”
“Hnn,” he mutters, snuggling closer to me. I sigh and manage to move so that I’m in a sitting position and it’s then that he wakes up a little. He glares up at me from underneath his messy bangs, wanting to know why I’ve moved him away.
“Heero, I have to pee,” I tell him and he nods, still looking slightly annoyed, but he loosens his hold on me, flopping back down onto his side and burying his face in the pillow. I’m not even halfway across the room when I hear that his breathing has evened out, letting me know that he’s gone back to sleep. I’m almost out the door when I hear him call out drowsily, “Bring more ammo!”
When I return, he immediately attaches himself to me and this time I’m the one looking for warmth. He gives it willingly and I sigh as I move closer to him, his body giving off heat like a miniature furnace. It’s times like this when I realise there’s nowhere else I’d like to be, that everything I need is in my arms.
Maybe someday I’ll be able to work up the nerve and tell him that to his face, but not just yet. For now I’m content just to be here with him and until the day when we start longing for something more, this is the way it’s going to stay.