Disclaimer: GW does not belong to me. Never has done, never will.
“Quatre! Quatre, wait up!” I call as I follow him out of the safe house.
“Go away, Trowa!” he shouts, quickening his pace. I catch up to him easily enough and grab onto his wrist, pulling him to a halt. “Let go of me!” he says, struggling to escape, but I don’t release him.
“I think we need to talk,” I say, leading him to the garden and guiding him to sit on the bench beneath the apple tree. I let go of his wrist and thankfully he doesn’t run off, only moves as far away from me as he can and fixes his eyes on the ground. I take in a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. I’ve been meaning to talk this over with him for some time now, but I guess I’ve kind of been sidetracked. I feel even guiltier for neglecting him and I’m determined to use this opportunity to put things right between us. “First of all, I want to apologise to you.”
“Apologise?” he asks, looking up at me sharply. “What for?”
“For ignoring you,” I tell him gently. “I know I’ve been…caught up with Heero lately and I haven’t been paying as much attention to you as I should–”
“Trowa, it’s okay,” he says, cutting me off. “I’m not some pet you have to feel guilty about not taking care of.”
“I know that,” I reply patiently. “But I have been neglecting you, Quatre. You’re my best friend and I care about you. You seem so unhappy lately and I can’t help thinking it’s my fault. So I want to apologise for making you so upset and I want to know if there’s anything I can do to make it better.”
He looks at me and his expression is one of sadness. It isn’t one that suits him and not something that I want to see on him. I want to see the kind, happy Quatre he used to be.
“Trowa, the only way you could make me feel better is if you stopped seeing Heero,” he says and he raises a hand before I can interrupt. “But I know you won’t,” he continues. “I know that you…that you love him.” It sounds as though it pains him physically to say those words.
“I do love Heero,” I say softly. “But you’re my friend, Quatre. I need you almost as much as I need Heero. I couldn’t bear to lose either of you.”
“I’ve already lost you,” he mutters, looking away again. I frown in confusion.
“Quatre? What do you mean by that?” I ask slowly, not understanding what he’s just said.
“You say you’re my friend and that you don’t want to lose me,” he whispers after a moment. “But you’re becoming so distant towards me. I feel like I have to fight to get your attention these days. We used to hang out together all the time. Now I barely see you.”
I lower my head, the guilt growing even larger. “I’m sorry, Quatre,” is all I can say.
“That’s okay. You have Heero now,” he tells me, not sounding too happy about that.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I’m still not too great at dealing with this whole aspect of emotions even though Heero and I have come so far together. I guess I still have some learning to do. “Quatre, I will always be your friend,” I say. “If you still want me to be that is.”
“You just don’t get it, do you, Trowa?” he says with that same sad smile.
“Get what?” I ask, hoping he’ll start explaining what this is about.
“I want you to be more than a friend to me,” he whispers, resting his chin on his hands and sighing deeply. “I’ve wanted more for a long time now.”
I look up at him sharply. “Quatre…I never knew,” I reply honestly. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. All the longing glances he sent my way, the little touches and smiles…and I missed it completely.
“I know,” he says simply. “I knew that you cared for me and I stupidly believed that you felt the same things for me that I did for you.”
“Quatre, I’m so sorry,” is all I say. I just wish I knew what to do to fix things.
“I know,” he says again. “It just hurts, you know? Every time I see the two of you together, it just reminds me of what I don’t have.”
“I’m sorry.” God, is that all I can say? I’m starting to sound like a broken record. “But I’m with Heero. I love him, I really do. And I know how it must hurt you, but I love you as a friend. That’s how I’ve always seen you.”
I dare to look at his face and I bite my lip when I see that he’s crying. “You hurt me, Trowa,” he murmurs. “But I still love you.” He touches a hand to my cheek and I close my eyes, wishing I knew how to deal with this situation. My eyes fly open though when he grasps my face firmly between his hands.
“Quatre, what are you doing?” I ask uncertainly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He doesn’t answer, just darts in and presses his mouth to mine. “Mmph!” I get out, pulling away from him. “What the Hell?” He isn’t looking at me, but over my shoulder and I frown, turning on the bench to see what he’s staring at. My mouth goes dry when I see who’s standing there. Heero. He’s staring at me, his expression one of shock and hurt. I quickly rise to my feet. “Heero, this isn’t what it looks like,” I begin, cringing at how pathetic those words sound.
He doesn’t answer, but his hurt expression changes into the blank mask and that hurts more than anything he could say to me. I was so pleased when he let me in, let me see him for who he really was without need for any masks to hide behind that to see him now is like a slap in the face. He turns on his heel and walks away. I make to go after him, but feel something clutch my wrist, holding me in place. Quatre tries to pull me back down on the bench and I pull free, backing away from him. I’m angry with him for what he’s just done, but I’m more concerned about Heero right now. “Dammit, Quatre, what was that for?” I snap.
He’s taken aback by my sharp tone and his lower lip quivers slightly. “I…I just wanted to kiss you,” he whispers. “He gets to kiss you, so why can’t I?”
“Quatre, you’re not my lover, Heero is,” I tell him impatiently. But not for much longer if I don’t catch up with him, I think grimly.
“Trowa, I’m sorry,” he says softly and I sigh.
“Apologise later,” I reply tiredly. “Right now I have to find Heero.” I hurry off in search of Heero in the hope that I can make things right, cursing the day my life grew this complicated.
The first place I go to is the room that we share, but there’s no sign of him. I do a quick search of the house and again, no Heero. I bump into Duo and Wufei, interrupting their game of chess and ask them if they’ve seen Heero.
“Yeah, he said he’d been called out on a mission,” Duo replies.
“Did he say anything else?” I query, yanking on my coat. Duo shakes his head in answer. “Just said it was something J wanted him for, but that was all.” He looks closely at me and something must have caught his attention because he asks, “Are you okay?”
“Fine!” I call, slamming the door shut on my way out. Well, at least I have one logical starting point, Doctor J’s lab. I’ll never be able to get there quick enough and Heero’s already had a head start.
I barge back into the house again and rifle through the jackets hung up on the coat stand. I find what I’m searching for and slam the door shut again, heading over to where Wufei has parked his motorcycle and place the keys in the ignition. The motor starts up as Wufei comes barrelling out the door.
“Barton! What the Hell do you think you’re doing?” he bellows.
“I’m just borrowing this!” I yell over my shoulder before I drive away.