Time goes by, I just try
To hold my head up high
People try to deny
Classify, or just hide
The feelings, what’s inside
Broken hearts, and hard times
Don’t let life break you down this time
I’m sitting here, crying here
You’re alone and dying there
Waiting for bad news
Like walking on broken glass
When I woke up on the couch ‘Fei was gone. Tro and Quatre were in the kitchen though. Probably ‘cuz ‘Fei called one or both of them. It made me momentarily glad to know that at least someone cared about me enough to not leave me alone. I vaguely wondered for a brief second why I was in the living room. However I soon remembered why I was there. I had fallen asleep in Wu Fei’s arms... crying. Crying because Heero, the one person in the world I dared to care about beyond simple friendship, the only person I decided to trust completely after losing so many others in the past, hated me. Yea, I know ‘Fei said that Yuy doesn’t hate me, that he’s jus’ bein’ a jerk. But, Wu Fei didn’t see what I had. He didn’t see the disgust and contempt in Heero’s eyes as he got up and left the room, forsaking my trust and leaving me completely shattered and utterly alone. I wondered why he could loathe me so for a minute before it dawned on me. It was almost glaringly obvious. I was weak. I loved him, and I cried. The two biggest signs of weakness as far as Heero Yuy is concerned. And Solo had always said boys don’t cry. Damn if I wasn’t pathetic and didn’t deserve his scorn.
And worse, now I was wasting Quatre and Trowa’s time with my dumb problems. I know they are both very busy people, why the hell am I such a nuisance? Wufei probably left to go yell at Heero too. Damn Wufei he’s done nothing wrong this is my fault! I’m the weak little cretin that made Heero hate me. I better find him.
No answers for what was asked
You’re all alone
Cuz you know I’d give up my life for you
Time can be nothing but our enemy
Don’t give up just hold on
Is the pain too strong
To hold on
Sometimes we’re wrong when we think we’re right
Tonight will be the night
You’ll break free from this fight
Don’t let life break you down this time
I’m sitting here, crying here
You’re alone and dying there
Wait for bad news
Like walking on broken glass
When I came back into the room Duo was swiftly making his way towards the door. “Duo! Where are you going?” I asked. Trowa heard and came in. Duo turned to face me and his face looked so sad it nearly tore my heart in two. “I’m going to apologize to Heero.” I think my jaw hit the floor. I mean Heero had left Duo and hurt him. Everything Heero had done and Duo wanted to apologize to him? “For what?” were the only words that popped into my stupid head.
Trowa thought much better than I did. His first instinct was to restrain Duo, prevent him from leaving. “I have to say sorry for being weak!” Duo insisted as Trowa held him fast. “Duo you’re not weak…” I began only to be cut off by him.
“Yes I am! I loved him! I cried! Two sure signs of weakness!” I didn’t know what to say to that one at the moment so I simply wrapped him in a comforting hug. Then I thought of something. A question. “Duo? Do you think I’m weak?” The question in place of a command seemed to startle him. “Huh? Nah Quat… of course not.”
“Well how then can you see yourself as weak? I love Trowa. I cry. If those don’t make me weak how can they make you?”
No answers for what was asked
You're all alone
Cuz you know that I'd give my life for you
Time can be nothing but our enemy
I die inside from all I feel
Does it have to be this way?
Memories of yesterday
When it all just slips away
I give up everything I had to keep you one more day
I know that it's not right
Why do we feel this way?
Why do I feel this way
I’m sitting here, crying here
You're alone and dying there
Waiting for bad news
Like walking on broken glass
It surprised me when Quatre asked if I thought he was weak. I’ll admit that much. To me it seemed almost as if he started thinking on a different tangent. Well, whatever it was, it caught me off guard. However, Quatre didn’t understand. My upbringing didn’t allow for emotions like his did. Living on the streets of L2 it was survival of the fittest, a hand to mouth survival. Emotions, especially love, were signs of weakness. And were useless as the person you loved could die at any given moment, particularly when you least expected it. I learned that the hard way. First there was Solo, my best friend. He was like a big brother to me; I knew I could trust him to always be there for me. That was until the plague got him. I stole the cure from an alliance hospital, but it was too late. That night 2 little boys died, Solo, and the street rat they called Purple Eyes. Also on that night, I was reborn, as Duo.
Shortly afterwards, after a bad raid on an alliance base, my gang and I were taken in by the Maxwell Church. It was there that I met Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. To me, they were like the parents I had never had. They loved and cared for me. Also they taught me that I didn’t need to steal to get what I needed. They also showed me that violence, though most effective, isn’t always the right answer. The year I spent with them was the happiest year of my life, but it too ended in tragedy. The Maxwell Church Massacre. The Alliance military attacked and destroyed the church as a rebel group had taken up residence there to care for the wounded and plan a strategy of attack. 245 people died that night. I only survived as I had left to steal a mobile suit from the alliance for the rebels so they would leave. The church was nothing more than rubble when I returned. It was then that I became Duo Maxwell, the Shinigami.
Now Quatre is one of the strongest guys I know. But, back then; emotions also made a person a target. A victim preyed upon by all the sick and twisted individuals of the world. And that is something I do not want to have to live through ever again. Back then; you had to learn to hide your emotions and fast. And if you could just bury and forget them, the better off you were. But I would never tell him this. He’s too good for it. He doesn’t need the problems a pathetic ex-street rat.
No answers for what was asked
You’re all alone
Cuz you know that I’d give my life for you
Time can be nothing but our enemy
“Yuy, answer me.” He growled rather upset. I think my persistence in my correctness in the decision to leave was getting on his nerves. I sighed and closed my eyes. I knew what I wanted to tell him.. But I couldn’t. The words wouldn’t come. Also, I am not used to being so open in my feelings. Which only made the task more difficult. But I finally settled on what I would say... Now the only problem is... How will he react?
I lowered my head, opening my eyes to stare at the ground at my feet, preferring it to the scowl that was sure to be on Wu Fei’s face.