Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Gundam wing and it's characters belong to their to their to their rightful owners. I may continue this fic if you want me to. Thanks for reading.
If you must really know who I am, I am a prostitute. The funny thing is when you you are walking across a street or wandering through the streets full of people you will only see me as a normal boy. I too have my mask and adjust it when I come in contact with people. All of us put on different masks but they don't fool me. I am not saying I will be able to stare into your naked soul or anything. It's just that it has been a long while since I have stopped seeing with my eyes. When people come near, I let my senses wander and just feel their being. Today I was sitting in the library hall, my back towards the world and losing myself to the to the universe created inside that little flickering box. I have and e-mail from my sister. No I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna go back to those hollow stares, to the emptiness, to nightmares... I get out. The world is quiet, the silence surrounding me is made of glass. I scream. It shatters. I pick up a broken piece and I cut my flesh and it bleeds and bleeds. I dig further till I get to that nightmare lingering somewhere in my unconscious. I wanna cut through that too.
One great thing about this new life is that I don't have to cope with my family anymore. They were a really good family in case you are wandering if I left home because I was mistreated. There was one thing wrong with them though. They all all came from some exotic universe and they were pretty amazing people when you thought about them as as natives of a distant planet. I left home because I was rotten inside and out.
My childhood was pretty silly. The funny thing is I wasn't so naïve and good as other children even back then. I remember myself stealing crayons and hiding shoes that I had filled with mud. I remember myself throwing a gold wedding ring down a pipe, My sister's wedding ring to be precise and getting in trouble for it. I am proud of myself for that. I never was like other kids. I was simply a self-centered idiot but a happy one. I lost myself in the world of poetry and book and made up the oddest characters from the people I saw in the everyday life.
It all changed pretty quickly. I split apart when I was 14. It just all happened because I had to grow up over one year. I don't blame anybody for that really. I lost my friends, my sanity and my sense of belonging. I grew distant and one day I just took off on my wings and ran away from it all.
Now I travel playing my fiddle in the corner of the street and gather money. I don't belong anywhere and I am not committed to anybody not even God or myself. I have slept in lots of weird places. For me prostitution is a form of survival. I am actually afraid of sex and you know something I die every time it happens or else I would be screaming or crying from pain. I like my life this way, I get to be reborn a thousand times in a life time.
When I am all by myself lying on the wet asphalt staring at the red downtown heaven, I dream of the stars I will see tonight. Nothing can disturb my peace as I open my chest and let the night sink in bringing the all the beauty and bitterness of an unknown mystery inside of me. The mystery of night. I am not a stranger to the night. It hides in the castle of darkness and when I am down it sings to me or takes me to chase the moon in the water puddles till I am nothing but a faint shadow, part of the background of this city, of this world even. That's why you can never tell I am a prostitute even if you stare into my naked soul. Each night I am baptized again in the forever cycle of death, birth, life and eternity.