Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing.
A.N: This story is based on the song 'A Message' by Coldplay which is by far the most romantic song ever IMO. It makes me feel all mushy inside. So I wrote this while I was listening to it. Sorry if its not good... I suck at songfics, I didn't want to put the lyrics in the middle of the story because then it breaks the flow so I tried something new. Let's see how it goes...
Posted on 17th Nov. 2007
I had known Heero since forever almost. I met him when I was fifteen, shot him… twice… ended up rescuing him and eventually he rescued me. I guess we became kind of friends after that. At least…I liked to think so.
Seven years after the Eve Wars we were still friends. All of us. Quatre and Trowa got together and were very happy. Honestly, they were so sweet together it made my teeth hurt sometimes… and not in a bad way.
I lived alone but never felt alone. I had the guys over so often my landlord recognized them and let them in without a key whenever they wanted. So there were times when I would come home and find everyone already there, the food on the table and an entire evening with the guys.
I loved it. And I know Heero enjoyed it too. Because he was there at every gathering, no matter how small. He even came when no one else was here. Sometimes I’d come home to find Heero watching TV, or just tidying up my place. He regularly came over to work late into the night. He wouldn’t say much but I know he enjoyed the silent company I provided.
Silent? Yeah… Heero would have told you otherwise… but I had grown out my need to keep talking. It was a way for me to stop thinking of the future back in the wars. I can’t think while I’m talking. But those days? I thought a lot. This time, I had a chance to make something of my future because it was going to be there.
So I didn’t talk as much… but I was still the wise-ass that made all the jokes and teased Quatre and Trowa about their love-life. I still annoyed Wufei with silly nicknames and I’m sure he realized quite a while ago that if he just ignored me I wouldn’t have as much fun making up names for him. But he let me carry on. And I love our bickering which has continued to this day.
Back to Heero. So we had a routine. We were comfortable with each other and I considered him my best friend. Life was good.
And I had no idea what I did, or when I did it, that made Heero fall in love with me.
So, one day I returned from school to find Heero lounging on the couch. Seven years ago had someone told me that Heero would ‘lounge’ I would have laughed. But now? It was normal to see him relaxed and calm, his posture not as perfect… although still better than most people…
ANYWAY! So I found him on the couch and he looked at me and smiled very slightly. Just a twitch of his lips. “Hey Heero.” I greeted him not surprised by his presence at all. I threw my bag onto the floor - I was a full time student at the local college at that time – and I headed into the kitchen to get some supper.
Guess what? He cooked. I drooled slightly at the smell because Heero is, by far, the best cook I’d ever known.
We ended up eating together on the small breakfast table I owned that seated four. The meal was in silence but comfortable. After dinner I did the dishes while Heero worked. Around midnight, just as the routine was, Heero got up to leave and I followed him to the door to walk him out.
This is where he broke the routine. He stopped in the doorway and looked at me intensely. “Duo.” He said in his slightly gruff voice, a little deeper than normal.
“Yeah?” I asked him.
“I love you.” He told me before he hugged me, very hesitantly as though worried I would reject him. I let him hug me but I was surprised and shocked so I didn’t return his hug. Only he can confess to love that abruptly. A few moments later he let me go and looked at me expectantly.
Oh! This the part where I’m supposed to say something… Okay, how could I put this so that our friendship won’t suffer…?
“Heero… how… when?” I sputtered not knowing what to say.
“I don’t know. I just do.” He told me looking away. “One day, I just knew. I like being around you. It calms me. And I just don’t want to be with anyone else.” He said completely calmly but I sensed the tension in him through the way he moved his jaw slightly.
“I’m sorry Heero… but you’re just a friend to me.” I said to him and I watched his jaw tighten so I hurried to correct my words. “My best friend. You’re the first best friend I’ve ever had.” I told him, “And I don’t want to lose that. I’m sure you’ll find someone who will love you back… like that.” I said to him and patted him awkwardly on his shoulder. He shot a glare at my hand and I removed it quickly.
“I don’t want someone else. I want you.” He said to me, his voice angry but his eyes were upset so I didn’t take offense at his words… quite the contrary actually.
“No Duo. I’ll make you love me. You’ll love me I promise.” He said to me with such a strong determination that I swallowed thickly. He left right after and I was left wondering what he would do.
The next day I got flowers delivered to me with the words ‘My song is love, love to the loveless shown, And it goes up, You don’t have to be alone.’ written in a card. I stared at it, tried to decipher it… didn’t understand it. Forgot about it.
That night Heero came over again, cooked again, and we ate in silence. I didn’t ask him what the message meant and to be honest, I had a pretty good idea. I just wished, so badly, that we could continue to be friends the way we were without this whole mess. But I never said anything.
Following routine he got ready to leave at midnight. But this time he hugged me again, less hesitantly. I didn’t return his hug but that didn’t seem to deter him much. I decided to just ignore it. Hey… friends hug… right?
Next week, I got a box of chocolates… with caramel filling… my favourite… with a note attached to it again saying ‘Your heavy heart… is made of stone… And it’s so hard to see you clearly… you don’t have to be alone.’
I read it. I read it again. I squinted at it, looked at it under a UV light for hidden words… nada.
I just can’t imagine Heero writing poetry I’m sorry.
The image that that thought conjured up made me laugh the rest of the day though. Heero the poet! I kill myself!
Same thing as all the previous nights, he came over, left at midnight, hugged before he left. Same old, same old.
One night he told me he loved me again. Just stated it. Didn’t say anything before or after it. Just said ‘I love you Duo’ and left.
Over the course of the next few months I continued to get gifts from him, some with notes attached, some without. None of the words on the messages made much sense though. But I collected them nonetheless.
I realized soon enough that putting all the notes together in order of receiving made them rhyme… kind of like a poem…
Heero the poet… pffftttt…
Then one day… we fought.
“I’ve had it Heero! I’m not some fucking girl! Stop sending me flowers and chocolates and all the clichéd things guys send their girlfriends!” I told him throwing down the bouquet of roses I received that day in class from a ‘secret admirer’ to my embarrassment.
“But how do I make you love me otherwise?” He asked completely calmly and it made me angrier. He just didn’t get the message did he?
“Stop it! Just stop okay? I’m not going to fall in love with you. You’re my best friend, nothing more. And if you continue like this I doubt I could even stay your friend.” I told him my voice catching slightly, but it was the pure terror in his eyes at my words that drove the guilt home. Here was a guy who was socially inept, and was taking huge steps to try and be with me… and I just kept shooting him down.
“So what do you want me to do? Tell you I’m sorry? That I take back everything?” He asked me, schooling his expression into blankness.
YES! YES! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT!
And so I told him.
“Exactly Heero. You don’t have to apologize but let’s go back to how we were before you found out you lo… liked me like that.” I looked away from him not wanting to see his expression.
“Hn.” And he turned around and left. Now how was I supposed to take that response?
I didn’t have to wait long to find out what was going through his head. Next day I got a note in my inbox from Heero, it read - And I'm not gonna take it back…and I'm not gonna say I don't mean that…you're the target that I'm aiming at…and I'm nothing on my own…got to get that message home’
I sighed. At least… he didn’t send me embarrassing flowers this time.
And it continued. Three months after he had decided I was his ‘target’ I had grown accustomed to the sudden statements of his love for me, the hugging, the random gifts, the intense way he looked at me all the time… I got used to it, started expecting it even.
It became the new norm.
Then one day, as Heero was getting good at doing, he broke that norm.
“I’m leaving.” I snapped my mouth shut, halfway through inviting him into my place. As usual he had shown up near evening today and currently he was standing in the doorway looking at me intensely.
“What?” I asked not knowing what he’s talking about.
“I got a job in Canada, I’m leaving.” He told me with a completely straight face.
“But… but…” I sputtered.
“You don’t have to worry now. You got what you wanted. I can’t pursue you from there.” He said as he turned to leave but then stopped, turned around and hugged me tightly and then left really, really quickly.
I was surprised he didn’t start running.
The apartment felt really empty that night.
I found out from the guys that he was leaving in three days. So I expected him to come over for the three days that he was here.
I tried calling him, but his voicemail always picked up. Frustrated I tried to get into contact with him via email.
I went to his house, camped out at his doorstep for an entire night… he didn’t come home.
I was getting worried… very, very worried.
I contacted Quatre to get in touch with Heero… turns out none of the guys have been much in contact with him. All they knew was what day he was leaving, not even the flight he was going to take.
So the night before Heero’s departure I sat in the living room and stared at the door just willing Heero to walk through it. I thought of all the times I had come home to him waiting, how he had cooked dinner, how it was so comfortable to be quiet in his presence… how he radiated strength and determination… how warm his hugs used to be…
Did this mean I’d never have him hug me again? He’d never tell me he loves me again?
Do I want him to? Didn’t I want him to stop? To go back to being the way we were?
Why is it that the prospect of not having those things made me feel empty?
When midnight struck I knew Heero wouldn’t be coming back. I went into the bedroom to get my laptop when I noticed his t-shirt on the ground. He’d left it at my place a couple of weeks ago when I had spilled ketchup on it. He had worn one of mine for the rest of the day while I had promised to wash it for him…
I had forgotten about it.
I picked it up and stared at the dark red ketchup stain… but mostly I remembered the moment when he had been sitting across from me listening to me describe my day at dinner and in my enthusiasm I had whipped out my hand to the side while I was holding a fry dipped in ketchup and it had splattered on his t-shirt.
I remember how he had smiled at my horrified expression and had calmly proceeded to wipe it off.
“It’s okay Duo. It’s just ketchup.” He had said.
Why did I feel like crying?
In a moment of inspiration I booted my laptop, and searched for the poem he had sent me in pieces.
My eyes widened at the song lyrics… all the pieces he hadn’t sent me… all the words put together… they made me hurt… and I wanted him back.
Doing a quick search for his flight tomorrow I knew he would be leaving early morning. In fact, late as it was I had to get going if I was going to catch him before he left.
And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're the target that I'm aiming at
And I'm nothing on my own
Got to get that message home
I got to the airport in time to see him go into the ticket-holders only area.
“Heero!” I called out but he didn’t hear me over the roar of the crowd. I panicked and took off running towards him. Two guards stopped me and asked for my ticket. “You don’t understand!” I told them desperately, “I have to talk to him, he’ll leave otherwise! I can’t have him leave!” I told them.
“I’m sorry sir only ticket holders are allowed in this area.” One of them said with infuriating calmness.
“Please!” I begged them, “You have to give me just five minutes with him!”
“No sir, we can’t allow you inside.” God damn I was ready to kill them!
Glaring at them I quickly took out a piece of paper and scribbled a note hastily on it. “Could you please just give it to him? Please make sure he gets it?” I folded the paper in half and handed it to a guard who nodded. “He’s Asian.” I told them and then recited what he was wearing based on what I had seen. Nodding again the guard entered the area. The other guard stood there and kept an eye on me. Five minutes later the guard returned and said he had delivered the message.
“What was his reaction?” I asked and the guard shrugged.
“He didn’t say much.”
Feeling disappointed I decided to wait for a few minutes. Twenty minutes later I was convinced Heero wouldn’t come back. Almost ready to cry at my stupidity I thanked the guard for giving him my message and I turned to leave.
“Did you mean it?” I heard from behind me and I turned around to see Heero standing there, my note in his grasp and looking very hopeful yet worried at the same time.
“Heero!” I ran to him and hugged him tightly, wrapping my legs around his waist in an attempt to get as close to him as possible. Luckily he was quick to balance himself and managed to hold me up. “Yes… every word.” I said to him in his ear and he tightened his hold on me.
“Thank you.” He whispered and I heard the relief in his voice.
Letting go of him I grabbed his hand. “Let’s go home Heero, I still haven’t returned your ketchup stained shirt to you.”
And he smiled.
He still has that note. Just as I have all of his.
The note I wrote to him… it was the conclusion of the song he had been sending me in pieces. It fit perfectly and I guess it seemed befitting that I end the song he started.
“Duo! You forgot to turn the oven off! The turkey’s burnt!” Heero yelled and Duo jumped, his hands stopping their dance across the keyboard. Quickly he saved his file and switched the computer off.
“Oh my god! I knew I was forgetting something!” he said before dashing down the staircase into the kitchen that smelled like burnt meat. “I’m sorry?”
Heero sighed. “You can’t even switch the oven off at the right time! What am I going to do with you?”
“Oh you still love me!” Duo said with a cheeky smile and Heero caved.
“That I do. Let’s just order out.” He said calmly and kissed Duo.
“Mm… I want Chinese.” He said grabbing Heero’s hand as he pulled him into the living room to order food, the identical gold rings on their fingers sparkling brightly.
And I'm not gonna stand and wait
Not gonna leave it until it's much too late
On a platform I'm gonna stand and say
That I'm nothing on my own
And I love you, please come home
A/N: So how badly did it suck? (ducks and covers)