Disclaimer: I Don't Own Gundam Wing
A/N: Whooo! I actually finished it today! Nice!
RECAP: Duo makes tracking watches for Heero. Heero plans to give the watches to the other pilots except Duo. They go to a restaurant to have lunch with Quatre and Trwa where Heero has a break down and is taken home by Duo. Heero goes to work. He gets chewed out by a new Agent called White and then Duo asks Heero out to a movie.
Moving on!
Posted on: 19th May 2007
I found out that Derosia was being held in Preventeers headquarters. It was the back building that functioned as a small high security prison as well. We only ever put criminals there when they needed to be supervised twenty four hours or until they were convicted by the jury.
I hadn’t known he was held there.
And no one had bothered to tell me… for obvious reasons so I couldn’t find it in myself to hate them for it.
It did however continue to nag at me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, or why I was even restless… but ever since I found out the knowledge just sat at the back of my mind and diverted my attention from work.
That got me into trouble with White again… but at least he didn’t call me to his office to yell at me.
He caught me in the cafeteria and reprimanded me in front of all the agents there. I don’t know if it really was better that he hadn’t called me to his office or not.
Duo had been attacked by White as well. I think he had started disliking everyone I liked so Duo was pretty much his first target. Since Duo insisted on going everywhere with me White had accused him of being my boyfriend.
Strangely Duo hadn’t reacted… but the rumors about that one were stifling me.
Duo didn’t seem to care… but my paranoia took a leap. All the time I kept expecting someone to be watching me, I kept expecting someone around the corner eavesdropping on Duo and my conversations…
So I started avoiding him during work. I’d take my computer and my files to the cafeteria, the records room, even the obscure photocopying machine room where I pulled a chair from a nearby empty office and would work on the desks there.
Duo, of course, noted that something was wrong. But when I refused to talk he gave me my space.
That was another thing that had changed about Duo.
He had changed so much I often found myself wondering if this really is the same Duo who tried to threaten me with a spider, dragged me to a picnic with an empty basket and fed me cotton candy until I got sick…
He’s always watching me though… not in the way that Derosia watched me… the way a mother would watch a child or a lover would watch his lover…
His eyes… he doesn’t want anything to happen to me again…
So he watches me… he doesn’t ever say a word when I gather my stuff and leave the office and he never asks me where I’ve been when I come back… but I know he knows where I went.
So currently I was sitting in the photocopying room working on my report. Half my mind actually working, the other half wondering where exactly Derosia is being held… if he’s chained to the wall like he chained me… if he’s fed seldom and sporadically like he did me… if the cuffs are digging into his wrists and ankles…
Without thought my fingers flew over my keyboard and I pulled up Derosia’s file from the Preventeers database.
I swallowed thickly as Derosia’s picture appeared in front of my eyes.
“Being held in Section 9, cell A12K3.” I read off the screen.
Unconsciously I fingered the watch on my right hand. I had given the rest to the other pilots except for Duo. I was still holding onto his.
The weight of the watch on my wrist made me feel unbelievably safer. I knew that if I needed help then I could contact my friends with the push of a button.
I sighed. I don’t know what to do. Derosia’s picture swam in front of my eyes and I itched with the need to go see him. Why? I don’t know. I know that nothing good can come out of this. Seeing him will only screw me up more… but the itch remained nonetheless.
I packed my files and shut my laptop screen.
Why do I want to see Derosia so badly?
My hands were sweaty and my laptop kept slipping in my grip. Finally reaching our office and dumped all my stuff on my desk and started leaving.
“Leaving early?” Duo said and I didn’t look at him.
“Aah.” I answered.
“Want me to drop you home?”
“I’ll manage.” And I left.
Walking out of the main building I headed towards the gates, planning on taking the subway to the mall and then walking from there to the apartment. A five minute walk, tops.
But for some reason, before I reached the gates I turned. My feet led me around the main building and onto a cement path leading to the large steel and iron building in the back.
I flashed my badge to the guards in front of the barred doors and they nodded briskly.
Entering I glanced at the three men sitting at a desk.
“Yuy, Heero. Cell A12K3.” I said robotically as I showed them my badge as well and one of them quickly took out a register and took that information down even as I signed in the designated spot.
I headed into an elevator with an agent accompanying me. He inserted a key card into the elevator to activate it and we headed down into the basement.
The agent looked curious but thankfully he didn’t ask any questions and the elevator ride was made in silence.
As the doors opened my heart skipped a beat and I took several deep breaths to control the faint shaking of my hands.
“I’ll take it from here.” I said, my voice sounding normal.
“I’ll wait here. The elevators don’t work without a key card.” He told me and I nodded.
I headed down the hallway and showed my badge to another guard sitting in front of surveillance monitors. There were metal bars behind him that signaled the beginning of the holding area. This area was devoid of windows and any doors. The most vicious of criminals were held in the basement and no amount of security was too much.
He got up and opened the door letting me through before quickly closing it behind me.
“Do you need an agent with you? Just in case.” He asked and I shook my head. He returned to his monitors.
I headed down the hallway, some prisoners making lewd remarks and others threatening my life.
One of them actually begged me to let him out claiming that the children had asked him to kill them and that he was innocent.
Sometimes I wonder why I put my life on the line to save humanity if this is what encompasses it.
Hallway A.
I kept my eyes on the numbers as they increased.
Cell block A12.
Another agent. Another barred door.
Section K.
“Stay away from the bars. They’re electrified.” The agent said bored.
The cell bars in this section were electrified.
I felt a small smile tug at my lips.
Derosia was being held in an electric cell.
How… ironic…
Almost all of the cells in this section were empty. It was rare that a criminal was considered dangerous enough to be put into an electric cell.
Reaching cell A12K3 I looked in.
I could hear the almost silent buzz of the current running through the bars and I made sure I wouldn’t come into contact with them, even accidentally.
His back was to me. He was staring at the wall, or maybe just asleep sitting up.
The cell contained one steel bed frame with a rather uncomfortable looking mattress, a metal chair, a sink that was nailed to the wall and a toilet seat that looked very unhygienic.
“Miss me Hee-chan?” He said not looking at me. I felt myself shiver at his voice. Even though he was sitting in a dark, dirty cell wearing a grey-brown jumper that reeked of sweat and other bodily fluids, his voice was the same.
I didn’t say anything, but my hands had started shaking again.
He turned around and looked at me, his blue eyes still prideful, and they struck fear deep inside me again.
Unconsciously I took a step back plastering myself to the wall behind me.
“You’re growing fat Hee-chan. You know how I don’t like you fat.” He got up and came close to the bars but didn’t touch them. He leaned on the wall on one side and looked at me nonchalantly. “We’ll have to do something about that. I can’t have your ass all flabby while I’m pounding into it.”
My hands curled into fists.
“Why’d you do it?” I ground out. “You didn’t have to torture me. If you had just asked…”
“Will you go out with me Hee-chan? Will you let me fuck you Hee-chan? Will you let me keep you all to myself forever Hee-chan?” He said in a singsong voice. “Would you have said yes?” He added in a serious tone.
I looked away.
“You were in love with your fucking boyfriend.” He spat at me. “I had no chance. I wanted you so badly! Ever since I first met you! When J put you in my arms… you were so beautiful… I knew then that I would never be able to see you with anyone else.” He punched the wall and left a dent in the metal but he didn’t even flinch.
“I was five! How could you decide something like that then?!” I asked incredulously.
“You were beautiful Hee-chan.” He reached out his hand as if to touch me but stopped just before his fingers touched the bars. “You’re still beautiful.” He whispered.
“You almost killed me.”
He shook his head. “I knew how much you could take. I know J’s training methods. Electricity would not have killed you. An effective torture mechanism but it would never have been enough to kill you.”
He sighed and ran his fingers through his longish hair. “I love you Hee-chan.”
“Shut up.” I snarled at him.
“I love you.”
“I said shut up.”
“I love you Hee-chan. I love you. I love you. I love you.” He chanted.
“Shut up! I said shut up! You don’t love me! You don’t! That’s not love! You abused me, tortured me, starved me and raped me! You don’t do that to a loved one.”
“You do that to a loved one when you know that they’ll leave you otherwise.”
“I would’ve given you a chance if you hadn’t… if you hadn’t forced yourself on me.”
“No you wouldn’t have. You love that bastard, and that bastard loves you. There’s no place for me. I had to take what’s mine by force or I couldn’t have you at all.”
“He doesn’t love me.”
“Will you take care of Hee-chan for me?” Derosia sang in a high pitched mocking voice. He spread out his arms and twirled in the middle of the room. “Do you love him? Is that why you touch him?” He suddenly stopped and put on a serious face, “Of course I do Duo. I love Heero very much. I’ll take care of him don’t worry.” Then he made a goofy face and started twirling again, “But Hee-chan is scared of you. He shakes when he sees you.”
“What are you doing?” I asked but I was ignored by him now standing still and putting on a serious face.
“I want to love him Duo. And you know how love hurts when you’re gay.” He nodded vigorously. “So he is scared. But I will try very hard to make sure he doesn’t hurt.”
“Duo doesn’t talk like that.” I shook my head and jumped when he threw the metal chair at the bars, the electricity cackling loudly.
“He fucking handed you to me! Hate him! Hate him!” He yelled and I pushed myself further into the wall.
“I do hate him!” I said and he laughed, a loud deranged laugh.
“NO! No you don’t! All I had to do was touch you and you hated me! He hands you to me and you still love him! It’s not fair! Not fair!” He screamed some more.
“I hate him!” I yelled too and he stopped screaming suddenly.
“Let me guess. You’re still living with him right?” He asked in all seriousness I wondered if I had imagined the screaming match we just had.
I nodded slightly.
“And you drive with him to work.”
I nodded again.
“You sleep in the same bedroom as him.”
I looked away.
“You share an office with him. You cook for him. Clean for him. Do his laundry. Worry about him. Right?”
I didn’t acknowledge him.
“It’s not fair. Not fair.” He repeated softly.
“I could’ve fallen for you too…” I whispered. “You hurt me from the very start…”
“If I say I’ll never hurt you again, will you be mine?” He whispered too.
“I don’t trust you. You’ll chain me the moment you get your hands on me.”
He shook his head. “If you promise to never leave me, I won’t cage you.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“See why I had to keep you chained? You would’ve run away if I hadn’t!”
“That’s not an excuse!”
“No? But I thought that’s what one does to keep someone from getting away.” He said looking pointedly at the iron bars in front of him. “Not like these can stop me.”
“You can’t bend them if you can’t touch them.”
“How do you know I can’t touch them?”
I blinked at him and he stared back. “Even you can’t bear electricity enough to be able to bend iron.”
He smiled at that. “Wait for me Hee-chan. I’m coming for you.”
“Orner’s going to have you executed.” I said with more confidence than I felt.
“He can’t. I didn’t kill anyone. I’ll get ten years in jail for torture and then I’ll be free as a bird… not that I’ll wait that long.” He added as an afterthought.
“If you try to hurt me again I’ll kill you.” My fisted hands had started shaking with fear, anger and despair all mixed into one.
“You can’t. You know you can’t.” He smiled again.
“You’re just human…” I said more to myself than him. “You can’t get out… you can’t.”
“I….” He whispered, “can…” He brought his face as close to the bars as possible, “bend…” He grinned at me, his eyes narrowed as I sweated. “Gundanium.”
It made sense didn’t it? I had been able to bend metal when I met him and Derosia still treated me like a weak child. No normal adult man could have done what he did to me with such ease.
“You will be mine Heero! You are mine!” He yelled.
I turned and ran out of the hallway hearing his laugh echo and then grow fainter as I put more and more distance between us.
The prison inmates jeered at me as I dashed past them but I didn’t pay them much heed.
The guards let me through without much trouble and I burst out of the building and ran straight into a hard chest and strong arms.
“Heero…” Duo whispered into my hair and I held him tightly. “You shouldn’t have gone there Heero.”
I didn’t say anything. I just hugged him as tightly as I could and Duo held me back just as tightly.
“I won’t let him have you Heero. I know my promises don’t mean much anymore but I still swear I won’t let him have you.” He whispered fiercely into my ear.
I wanted to believe him so, so much…
“I want to go home.”
Entering the apartment I quickly checked all the locks on all the windows, closed the curtains and switched the alarms on. Duo didn’t say anything, he just watched me move back and forth checking and then rechecking the locks.
When I decided to peek outside to see if anyone was watching Duo grabbed me around my waist and hugged me tightly.
“Stop Hee-chan.” He said to me and strangely I found myself obeying.
“He’s going to come for me.” I hadn’t meant to say it, but it escaped me anyway.
“Orner’s going to…”
“Orner can’t get him executed.” I fisted his shirt and his arms tightened. “He’ll get ten years for torture and then he’ll be free.” I repeated Derosia’s words to him.
“We’ll move. We’ll go somewhere where no one knows us or I’ll just kill him and make sure no one knows he’s missing…”
“Shh…” I shushed him. “He’ll get me. I know it.” Why am I so calm about this? Have I actually given up? Have I resigned myself to a life of torture?
I breathed deeply, his scent surrounding me and I felt that familiar wave of invincibility that came with being around Duo. I felt as though nothing could hurt me.
“Why’d you do it Duo?” I asked him still holding his shirt afraid he’ll let go.
“What?”
“Why’d you leave me when I begged you to save me?” I buried my face into his chest and waited.
He knew that his answer would decide how we would proceed. The next words out of his mouth would decide whether I walk out right now and disappear or stay here with him.
I could feel him trembling but I held on and thankfully he didn’t let go either.
“I love you.” He whispered.
I pushed away from him. “That’s not what I asked.” I felt a lump form in my throat at his words and my heart skipped a beat.
I’m such an idiot. Here I am asking a guy why he betrayed me in the worst way possible and my heart soars with hope at three little words.
Why do I still want him?
“I know… but I wanted… needed you to know that first.”
He looked like he didn’t know what to do with his hands now that I had stepped away so he decided to shove them into his pockets instead.
He looked around a bit, he opened his mouth to say something and then changed his mind so he stayed quiet.
Then after a little bit he sank down on the couch and put his head in his hands.
“I need you to know that what I am not offering excuses for my behavior… my actions that day were inexcusable and nothing can change that. All I’m offering is an explanation.” He said not looking at me. I came and perched myself on the coffee table listening to him intently.
“God… I don’t even know how to explain this… or if I even can explain it.” He wove his fingers into his hair and then pulled. “When I was young… ever since I can remember… men have tried to prostitute me. I learned early on how to tell such men apart from others… and I swore to myself I would never, ever spread my legs for another man.” He sighed and still didn’t look up, keeping his eyes trained on the brown carpet.
“It was hard… specially when I had to go without food for days when just one night would have given me a hot meal… but I stuck by it and I was often beaten up by pimps who tried to whore me out… I started hating men who looked at boys that way… My belief was only further solidified when one of my… one of… I joined Solo’s gang, I’ve told you about them right?” He looked up at me then and I nodded.
“So there was this kid… about a year younger than me I think although I never knew since I was small for my age… he got pimped out to this guy… Jacob, the kid, his name was Jacob…” He said to himself as though only now remembering.
I knew this was hard for Duo… he looked like he was in pain, thinking about his now dead friends… but I let him continue, I needed to know why he did what he did.
“So Jacob… got pimped to this guy who well…” He took a deep breath, “He came back the next morning and he was bleeding… down there… ya know… so anyway Solo told me if was normal for boys to bleed after so we didn’t do anything. We took the money he had made and bought food with it. Everyone was surprised that the john had given him so much… usually the boys only brought in quarter of that… Jacob’s sacrifice that night gave every kid in that gang a full stomach for once.
“He died the next day. He kept crying about how it hurt. By the time Solo found out that Jacob hadn’t stopped bleeding the kid had lost too much blood.
“I hated johns who came after boys with all my heart after that.”
Duo tried to discretely wipe a tear away and I noticed but I didn’t say anything.
“Then the plague came and everyone died. Then Father Maxwell took me in, and he taught me that hell waited for the man that lied with another man. That statement put ease to my heart since I figured that if I wasn’t able to exact my revenge on those men then at least God will do it for me.
“Life was good for a while after that. Then the church burned down. I got trained by G. Met, you… shot you… fell in love with you…” He took a shuddering breath.
“I’d never had a crush before you ya know? Not guys, not girls… and then I saw you at the military harbor… believe it or not your butt was the first thing I looked at.” He said with a smirk. When I didn’t return his grin he grew serious again and continued.
“Well needless to say my attraction to you scared me. So I tried as hard as I could to stay exactly on friendly terms with you. Then the war got over and we moved in together.” A small smile graced his features this time. “Talk about sweet hell. Every day I’d see you, I’d come across you changing, walking out of the washroom wet, the water dripping down… the curve of your ass…” His eyes turned dark as he remembered.
As he talked I felt myself blushing… this had been going on that long? And here I was worried about looking like a pervert!
“I loved it and hated it at the same time.” He finished coming back to here and now. “But everything was okay… I’d try and prove to myself that I was straight by going and fucking random girls… then I’d feel so disgusted about lying to myself, you and that random girl that I’d go and drink myself into a stupor…”
That… explained a lot…
“But it was still all right. I thought you were straight so I knew there could be nothing between us… and it kept me sane…
“Then… that day I found out you were gay too and my world crashed. I knew there was only one way to make sure that I didn’t go back on my vow or do something that would make Father ashamed of me… it was to separate the two of us… either I leave or you do…”
He exhaled sharply and rubbed his face in frustration. “I realize now how stupid I was being! I could have talked to you! I could have left! I could have asked you to leave! I could have done a hundred thousand things! But I only saw you as an enemy… you destroyed the fake world I had carefully constructed… you made me realize that I couldn’t run anymore, and I panicked.
“I called Derosia to ask him what he felt for you. I decided that hey, if you were gay then you’d probably like what gay guys do to each other ya know… so I talked to him, he told me he loved you and that he would take care of you… so I took you to him.”
“That works up until you took me to him.” I ground out, trying not to lose my temper but feeling it edge anyway. “What happened when I begged you to not leave me? How can you explain that?”
“I can’t.” Duo whispered. “I wish I could change what I did but I can’t. I was so torn right in that moment! And when I got a glimpse of what Derosia was like I didn’t want to leave you there but I got selfish. And I left. I had hoped that you’d calm down and then you and Derosia could be together but it clearly didn’t work out that way…”
I nodded trying to seem as objective about the whole thing as possible.
“Derosia said you had made a deal with him…”
“He offered me my job back in exchange for you. ‘As an offer of friendship’ he had said.” I noticed that Duo was wringing his hands. “And that’s pretty much it.” He looked up at me with large worried eyes and I took a moment to think things over.
“I’m going for a walk.” I got up and Duo got up as well.
“It’s dark, it may be dangerous…”
“I can take care of myself Duo.” I said trying not to sound harsh.
“Okay…”
So I headed out, only grabbing my keys and my gun.
It was warm. I headed towards the park. That place always soothes me.
I sat down on a nearby bench overlooking the play area. It was deserted right now, all the children having gone home. But it still exuded a kind of innocence.
“Duo loves me…” I whispered but my voice disappeared in the wind. It was hard to believe that while I had been pining for Duo… he’d been pining for me… and for longer too.
“And I love Duo.” I said to myself again.
Then what’s the problem?
And I thought. What was the problem?
That I can’t trust him anymore? I’m already trusting him whether I like it or not.
Duo’s been through hell too… at a much younger age when he shouldn’t even have known about things like rape and pimping…
What makes me so special?
I realized right then that I had been behaving like a brat. And my face grew hot with embarrassment at the notion.
While I had been rather vocal about the wrongs done to me, Duo’s always been quiet. Always keeping his pain inside him. Always smiling for the rest of us.
God I’ve been such an idiot.
My mind made up I ran towards the apartment. Duo’s had his first friends taken from him, his first family, his childhood… and he never complains. He takes life like a blessing and moves on even if there are painful things in his past…
And I refused to move on.
I really am a brat.
Dashing upstairs I burst through the door and looked around searching for Duo.
“Duo!” I called.
“In here.” He was in the bedroom folding his laundry.
I shook my head smiling fondly at him. He’s been trying so hard to change into someone who I would like.
He actually cleans his side of the room and I don’t find his underwear stuffed into the study table drawers anymore. What he doesn't realize is that these things are not what makes Duo Duo. And I love him not because he cleans his side of the room or actually knows to cook something edible.
He looked surprised at my smile.
“That was a short wal-“ He was interrupted as I closed the distance between us and placed my lips squarely on his before my courage would leave me.
He squeaked in surprise and I broke the kiss. It hadn’t been much of a kiss really, it was only a peck but my face felt like it was going to explode from all the blood rushing to it and Duo’s mouth was open in shock.
“Hee-chan…” I looked pointedly away from him.
“D-Do you want to be my umm…” I struggle thinking of a word that didn’t sound too strong. Lover was too suggestive, but boyfriend sounded too… uh… not serious enough…
Duo’s confusion dissipated as he jumped off the bed and launched himself on me, tackling me to the ground and hugging me fiercely.
“Be mine Hee-chan?” He whispered into my ear and I smiled into his shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him just as tightly.
“Hai.” I answered feeling him kiss my neck softly.
“I love you.” He whispered into my ear again.
“I love you too.” I whispered back, my cheeks flushing at saying those words. I had never, ever said them before.
Right at the moment, with the both of us lying on the ground hugging each other… I didn’t think it was possible to be happier.
A/N: Sooo... they're finally together! The next few chapters will be low on drama and high on cuteness! So watch out!
hehe!
I love writing!! So stress reducing...
Until next time!
Persephone