Disclaimer: I dont own anything besides the plot and Derosia :D
A/N: Yup, quick update this time! I enjoyed writing the last chapter so much I finished this one really quick too! Now for a heads up! Parts of this chapter have been written almost entirely by jesseklom, who is an amazing author! I liked her lines and ideas so much I shamelessly stole them from her, after asking for permission of course :D.
Recap: Derosia raped Heero and then refused to let him go home. Derosia then starved and tortured Heero until Heero asked Duo to help him. Derosia then tortured Heero to within an inch of his life as punishment for asking for Duo's help.
Now on with the story...
Posted on April 9th 2007
Oh god, my head hurt so much. It felt heavy and I was disoriented. It felt as though I was hanging upside down and all the blood had rushed to my head.
“Put some pillows under his head, that’ll make him feel better,” someone said, their voice disjointed and echoing in my head until the words didn’t make sense.
Someone was moving my head, the pain spiking every time I was moved even though the person was being very gentle.
“Feel better Heero?” The voice was so soft, so soothing.
I opened my eyes with effort and still wasn’t able to completely open them all the way. Through my lashes I saw Duo’s face swim into my vision and I felt myself smile despite my pain.
There was white everywhere and Duo looked like an angel. I tried to move but my hands were too heavy and I groaned in frustration.
“Heero? You’re awake?” Duo asked me his face lighting up in happiness.
I died didn’t I? And this is some kind of hallucination my dying mind is conjuring for me. That has to be it.
I died.
So why did it still hurt?
I moaned as the pain wracked my entire body coming in waves and pulses. Every part of me hurt, even parts I wasn’t sure could hurt.
“Doctor! Heero’s up!” Duo yelled and my head hurt even more.
“Shh…” Was all I could say before I fell right back into the darkness again.
It was dark. I looked around blearily, my pain diminished for the moment.
The hospital.
I was at the hospital.
What?
I survived? But how? It’s not possible…
I felt something shift to my right and I whirled around to see, afraid that it was Derosia lurking in the corner.
It was Duo and he was very strangely and quite possibly painfully perched on a wooden chair, his head hanging forward and he was deep asleep.
“Duo…” I whispered. It felt strange to see him. I’m probably dreaming… he’s not really here.
His eyes snapped open and he quickly looked at me. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair were limp and in disarray.
“Heero?” He squinted to look at me and then beamed. “You’re awake!” He whispered remembering that his yelling might hurt me.
I nodded softly trying to keep myself from going dizzy.
“You’ve been asleep for a week, I’ve been so worried… how are you feeling? Do you hurt?” He asked me softly, reaching out and gently placing a hand on mine, his warmth seeping into me making me realize that it wasn’t a dream.
I shook my head gently.
“The doctor upped your morphine a few hours ago. He said that chances were you were going to wake up tonight and he didn’t want you to hurt,” he continued to whisper.
Aah… that explained it. No wonder it was hard to think right now.
Instead of saying anything I felt myself drift back to sleep.
“Duo, you have to eat something,” I heard Quatre say softly. I groaned as the last grips of sleep left me and the pain came back, not so horribly this time, but it still made me tense up and hurt even more.
“He’s up.” Wufei? Wufei’s here?
I opened my eyes slowly and then shut them back quickly again when the light filtering through the window assaulted my eyes.
I heard someone quickly close the curtains and I opened my eyes again. Duo was making his way from the window towards me.
“Heero…” His voice was breathy, worried.
He collapsed next to my bed and gingerly held my hand and I stared at him wondering what he was doing.
“Heero.” I saw Quatre say softly and I looked at him.
“Quatre…” I croaked. My throat hurt so badly and I needed water. As though hearing my thoughts Duo held a glass of water with a straw in it to my lips and I sucked greedily.
“Better?” Duo asked and I ignored him.
“How are you feeling Heero?” Quatre sat next to me and pushed away the hair that had fallen into my eyes with one hand.
“M’better,” I said, my voice feeling much better. “How…?”
“Duo called us and we rushed to Derosia’s apartment. We had to break down the door to get in.” Quatre answered.
“That man had a reinforced steel door!” Wufei growled and I noticed his arm was in a sling.
He saw my questioning gaze and answered, “I thought it was a normal wooden door and tried to break it down the traditional way, I dislocated my shoulder.”
I nodded.
“Trowa?” I asked noticing that he wasn’t here.
“He’s at Head Quarters. He’s in charge of questioning Derosia,” Quatre answered once again.
I felt myself shiver at the mention of his name and Duo’s hand around mine tightened.
Remembering what Duo had done to me I pulled my hand out of his and then placed it pointedly away from him.
I saw Quatre’s eyes sadden at my response to Duo but he didn’t say anything.
“You should sleep now Heero. You’re still weak and you need to heal,” Quatre said to me and tucked me into the warm blankets before running his fingers through my hair, lulling me to sleep.
“How long have I been asleep for?” I asked no one in particular as Quatre held a spoonful of warm broth to my lips.
I drank it quickly, feeling the warm rich liquid sooth my raw throat.
“This time you only slept for about three days. In total you have been at the hospital for close to a month now.” He answered my question and held another spoonful to my lips.
I was unable to eat by myself. My right hand was bandaged heavily. I had somehow torn out all the nails of my fingers when I had been shocked the last time and my wrist was broken.
I felt like a baby, being fed by Quatre, but at the same time I was glad because I didn’t think I had enough energy to eat as much as I’d like to.
With my left hand I picked on the bandage on my head wanting to scratch but afraid of hurting myself.
“Stop picking at it. If you ignore the itch, it’ll go away.” Quatre admonished me slightly and I put my hand back down.
“We are extremely lucky you survived. When… when we found you…” Quatre choked on his words and continued to feed me the broth.
Wufei filled the rest in for me with his professional attitude, which I was very grateful for.
“When we managed to get in, Derosia opened fire on us and we subdued him only after he had injured one of our agents. We searched the house but didn’t find you until we had Derosia talk. He told us he had u locked in a closet.” I saw his hands tighten into fists.
“That man deserves to be executed via the electric chair for the things he put you through,” Wufei growled.
At his words I reached up and touched my neck where the pin had pierced my skin. I felt a rather large scab there.
“It was infected. You were lucky the infection didn’t poison you before you got here,” Quatre said quietly.
“My neck… was infected?”
Quatre nodded. “The skin around the wound was burnt and heavily damaged. Apparently every time he shocked you the wound grew a little larger as the skin around it died. According to the doctor, since it was covered with metal, the wound festered and it quickly became infected.”
I nodded running my fingers over the scab. It felt strange and the skin around it pulled uncomfortably.
“If the scab is bothering you we can put an ointment on it that will make it softer.” Duo said softly and I ignored him. I saw Duo move further into the corner of the room from the side of my eye looking hurt.
“Do you want me to put some cream on your scab?” Quatre asked me and I nodded slightly.
As he rubbed some cream gently on my healing wound I sighed in relief. The skin around the scab loosened and became softer, not tugging and pulling anymore.
I heard the door swing open and a doctor walked in, his salt and pepper hair a mess, and his white coat billowing behind him.
He was muttering something to himself and only seemed to notice me when he was halfway across the room.
“Ah! Mr. Yuy! How are you feeling today?” He asked me, his grey eyes twinkling at me.
“Better,” I said. For some reason, he made me nervous. I wanted him to stay away from me and not touch me. As he started coming closer I started scooting closer to Quatre unconsciously.
“Mr. Yuy I’ll need to actually come close to you to check you over, you know.” The doctor said good-naturedly smiling at me and I relaxed just slightly.
Scolding myself for acting like a weak victim I gripped Quatre’s hand as tightly as I could and tried to remain calm.
The doctor checked my pulse, looked into my eyes with a small flashlight and then asked me if I hurt.
“Just a little,” I answered and the doctor looked at Quatre.
“Quite a chatterbox isn’t he?” He asked Quatre, who smiled at him, then he returned his attention to me. “Where does it hurt Mr. Yuy?”
“Don’t know… just hurts.” I thought my answer was vague but the doctor nodded understandingly.
Seeing my confused expression he explained, “I’m actually surprised that you not only survived, you didn’t suffer from any severe damage. The strength of the electricity used was enough to cause the blood vessels in your eyes, ears and nose burst not to mention severely cauterize major sections of your lung. How you survived repeated incidents is beyond my medical knowledge.”
I swallowed thickly. Derosia knew what he was doing. He new that the current he was running through me would kill any normal person but with the modifications he knew I’ll survive.
“You’ll never be free Heero. You’ll always be mine. And I’ll come back for you I promise.” His threat rang in my ears and I felt despair take over me.
“I’m not sure if you’re aware, Mr. Yuy, but you have been through several major surgeries in an attempt to control the severe internal hemorrhaging you had arrived with.” He continued, “The last attack had literally boiled your blood so you were dehydrated and your blood ion count was much too high! You had every person in the ER in a panic!”
I heard Duo laugh and I turned to look at him.
“You had Wuffy in tears Heero!” Duo exclaimed and I glared at him.
“Glad to see I was a source of amusement for you,” I said icily and the temperature in the room dropped. I saw Duo go pale and he immediately looked down on the floor refusing to meet my eyes.
A silence, so thick that it could choke, settled upon the room and everyone shifted uncomfortably.
“I was not crying Maxwell! Men don’t cry!” Wufei exploded and the tension in the room dissipated.
“You are the one with the dislocated shoulder, are you not?” The doctor inquired and Wufei nodded.
The doctor then turned to me, placed a hand around his mouth and whispered loudly so as to make sure that Wufei heard, “He was crying.”
“I was not!” Wufei exclaimed again and I found myself relaxing in the jovial banter that started between Wufei and the doctor. Duo was currently trying to make himself as invisible as possible by squatting down in the corner and putting his head in his hands.
“Well I must be going now, Mr. Yuy. You are doing tremendously well and I hope you’ll get out of here soon.” He then turned to Quatre, “Take care of him.”
Quatre nodded and resumed feeding me my broth.
I was getting discharged today. Almost all my wounds had healed and the rest were closing up nicely. I still often got nosebleeds, but the intensity and frequency of them were slowly, but continuously reducing in number and my nails had finally started growing again. My right hand was still bandaged because taking the bandage off made my fingers hurt from the contact with air.
Trowa had paid me a visit last night and had told me that Une was in trouble. Trowa was now my boss since Une had refused to investigate my accusation of molestation. She was demoted and currently temporarily suspended.
That also meant that I was now allowed to return to work as soon as I’d made a complete recovery.
Quatre wanted me to move in with him, but I felt reluctant. He had paid all my hospital bills and he was also paying for the lawyer who was currently trying to have Derosia get the death penalty. I didn’t want to leech off of him anymore.
But I didn’t want to live alone either… the thought of Derosia coming to get me would be worse if no one is there to hear me scream.
At the moment, Quatre was taking care of the formalities of my discharge while Wufei and Trowa were at work. Only Duo was in the room with me.
I was sitting on my bed looking out of the window. I knew Duo was hovering somewhere near the door, hoping for me to notice him but I didn’t give him the pleasure.
After a few minutes he finally gathered the courage to come stand behind me.
“Heero?”
I continued to look outside the window. The birds were singing loudly; Spring was here. I had spent the entire winter with Derosia.
“Heero please! Just say something! Anything! Yell at me, scream at me, hit me, hurt me, do anything you want, just do something, please!” He sounded extremely frustrated.
I refused to acknowledge him.
“I’ll do anything! Please just give me a second chance! I screwed up! Big time!” He slowly moved towards me, making sure I was continually aware of his position so I wouldn’t lash out.
He got onto his knees in front of me and looked up at me. “Please Heero, give me another chance. I want to make it up to you. I need to make it up to you. I’ll do anything I swear…” He finished with a whisper, looking forlorn when I didn’t respond to him.
I let the moment stretch out until Duo, dejected, started getting up to leave.
“Anything?” I confirmed and Duo fell right back down to his knees and nodded fiercely.
“Anything Heero. Just ask me. I’ll give up everything!” He said with such determination I almost believed him.
“Anything I want?” I repeated and he scooted closer to me still nodding, his eyes wide and hopeful. “I want your hair Duo. Will you give me that?” I asked him, looking him straight in the eyes and watched him go pale.
He didn’t say anything. Just got up and left. I sighed, feeling a little sad that he valued his braid so much more than his apology for ruining a friend’s life.
A few minutes later Duo came back into a room. I looked up at him ready to tell him off but I stopped when I saw that his hair was unbound and cascading freely down his back.
He came to stand in front of me and placed a pair of scissors into my hand. Then he turned around and kneeled down so that I was facing his back.
“Take as much as you’d like. Take all of it if you want. Just please don’t shut me out anymore.” Duo whispered and my hand tightened around the scissors.
I ran my left hand through the length of his hair enjoying the feel of the silken strands slipping through my fingers. His hair didn’t have the same shine it used to anymore. The color looked darker and lacked luster.
Duo’s hair only got like that when he got sick… very sick.
Against my better judgment I felt myself worry. Was Duo sick?
“A-are you okay Duo?” I asked trying to keep my worry out of my voice. I felt him tremble against my fingers and I worried more.
“Duo?” I asked again, my worry turning into full blown concern.
Hic.
Did Duo just hiccup?
“Duo?” I asked again trying to get him to turn around so I could see his face.
I saw that his eyes were closed and his face was wet with streams of tears.
I let go of his shoulder feeling as though I had been burned.
“I understand Duo. You can keep your fucking hair. I won’t ask for any of it. It’s clear to me what I’m worth to you that you won’t even sacrifice your hair, which will grow back eventually, for me. I understand completely.” I snarled at him feeling the wall holding my anger in break. I pushed him away from me disgusted and started heading for the door. I didn’t need any fucking wheel chair to take me out. I was perfectly capable of walking, thank you very much.
Just as I reached the door, I felt Duo slam into me from behind and he wrapped his arms around my stomach, holding me tight. Once I would have done anything to have Duo hold me like this and mean it. Now… now I felt nothing but cold seep into me. Duo was disgusted by me so much that he killed me in the most cruel ways; betrayal.
“Please Heero! Please! I wasn’t crying because you were going to take my hair! I was crying because I felt that wasn’t enough!” He choked into my shirt and I felt his tears wetting it.
“I cried because… even after I had hurt you so much you still only asked this of me! It made me feel like I was the lowest scum,” He shook his head quickly, “No… below that. I feel like I’m a waste of flesh and blood, Heero… that’s why I cried. Take all my hair, please! And then take anything else you want from me! I’ll give everything!” He sobbed into my back and I felt my anger melt slightly.
“I can’t just forgive you Duo. I spent the entire winter living in hell and for what?” I ripped his hands off me and pushed him back. “Tell my why I was shocked, cut and raped Duo? Tell me why I was starved, chained and locked up? Tell me Duo! Tell me!” I roared at him and he stepped back, away from me.
“What did you get out of it? What was so important to you that I spent the entire winter broken afraid of my next beating?” I shoved him in the shoulder. “What did Derosia give you in return for me?” I shoved him again. “Tell me how much I’m worth Duo, cause I nearly died for it.” I hissed at him and shoved him so hard he lost his balance and fell down.
Standing there looking down on Duo’s sprawled form did nothing to reduce my anger. It only fueled it more until I felt ready to explode.
Getting down on my knees in front of him I grabbed his collar and forced him to look into my eyes. When I got this close to him I saw exactly how much he had changed. His eyes were dull and deep-set, the twinkle in them gone. His face was pale and his cheekbones stood out. He had dark circles under his eyes and he seemed to have lost a lot of weight.
Suddenly, I didn’t want to hit him any more like I did when this conversation started, instead I held him close, just leaned in and hissed at him, “I hate you Duo Maxwell, there is nothing you have that you can give me to make me forgive you.” I gripped his hair and pulled smiling in satisfaction when he winced. “Unless of course if you can give me back my first kiss and my virginity?” I searched his face mockingly, “No? I thought so.”
I let go of him abruptly and he looked like he was going to be sick.
“Tell Quatre I am grateful for his generosity, but I’ll take care of myself from now on,” I told him as I walked out of the ward.
I had finally found the perfect apartment. It was a bachelor’s apartment so it was essentially one room with an adjoined bathroom and kitchen, therefore I could keep an eye on everything all the time. There was no place to hide.
It was also close to Head Quarters, so if I called for help it’ll get here soon.
I sighed as I surveyed the place; It was empty at the moment but I found a hundred faults with it. I’ll need to bar the window, reinforce the door, make sure that the fire escape couldn’t be used to gain access into the apartment.
I’ll have to install an alarm system and a motion detector. I’ll have to have cameras so I could monitor the place from my office should an alarm go off.
I’ll need to pull up a few floorboards and hide guns and ammo in them…
I am not letting Derosia get me again. If he so much as touches me again, I’ll kill myself.
I will not go through that hell again… ever…
I felt something warm trickle out of my nose and I sighed in frustration.
Not again!
Pulling a wad of tissues out of my pocket I placed them against my nose. I settled down on the ground and rested my back against the wall, tilting my head back to curb the flow.
When I get these nosebleeds I often tend to get dizzy and black out. If I’m standing up when it happens I end up with a nasty bruise.
Opening my mouth and breathing hoarsely through it I closed my eyes, waiting for my nose to stop bleeding.
The doctor had told me that the vein that ran through my nose had weakened after bursting so many times so any strain on it is likely to burst it easily.
He said that it should go away after a while but at the same time some people never heal and have to deal with nosebleeds all their life.
I wished I was one of the ones that healed.
Gripping my nose tighter to stop the blood, I suddenly felt cold metal on my wrists. I snapped open my eyes and saw that it was dark and my hands were chained to the wall, the chains clanking together as my breaths came in quick pants.
“No…” I whispered disbelievingly. “No… it wasn’t a dream! It was real! I got out! NO!” I screamed pulling at the chains and kicking my feet out trying to break the chains.
“Hee-chan? Told you I’ll come back for you.” Derosia’s face swam in front of me and I opened my mouth a let out a blood curdling scream.
I felt my head hit the floor and I snapped into wakefulness.
I was not back at the study… I was in my new apartment leaning against the wall trying to stop my nosebleed.
I was not back at the study…
Derosia’s not here…
I sat back up again. My nose was bleeding even more heavily now and my collar was soaked in my blood. I picked up the wad of tissues and saw that they were soaked in blood as well.
Suddenly I felt a small lump form in my throat as tears blurred my vision.
I won’t cry. I won’t cry. I won’t cry.
Even through my chant, my tears spilled out and ran down my cheeks mixing with the blood that coated the lower half of my face.
“I won’t cry.” I whispered and then put my head in my hands and cried, glad that no one was there to see my break down.
I walked out of the elevator, my hands full with the alarms, locks and bolts I had bought to turn my small apartment into a safehouse.
Pulling out my key I noticed that the door was open. I felt white cold panic grip me as I slowly put all my stuff down on the ground as quietly as I could so that I won’t alert the intruder and pulled my gun out.
I nudged the door open with my shoulder and peeked in slightly.
“Duo?” He was sitting on the hardwood floor, his head resting against the wall and his elbows resting on his knees.
“Heero!” He exclaimed as he got up and came to me. “How are you?”
“How did you find me? How did you get in?” I growled at him and he seemed to rethink his idea of coming to see me.
“I stalked you and I picked the lock.” He answered. I glared at him and he got nervous.
“Listen Heero…” He stopped probably trying out several different lines in his head and deciding on the one least likely to have me erupt. Sighing, he gave up and took out a pair of scissors.
“You didn’t cut my hair last time, so I came to give it to you. It’s yours,” Duo said as he pulled his braid over his shoulder and started cutting the strands right where the braid started.
I darted forward without thinking and grabbed the scissors from his hand stopping him.
“D-don’t cut it,” I said and took his braid gently into my hands. This was a part of Duo and couldn’t have him cut it off. It would be like killing Duo… and no matter how much I wanted to hurt him, I couldn’t, I wouldn’t kill him.
Duo was quiet then, I looked up to see what was wrong, and he jumped forward and hugged me tightly to him.
“I want you to come live with me again Heero. You don’t have to trust me, you don’t have to be nice to me or care about me… just stay with me?” Duo said to me sounding so broken. “I’ll stay out of your way; I’ll never bother you again. I won’t force you to go to parties or to go out with girls or dress a certain way. I won’t ask you to change yourself for my beliefs… Just stay with me? Please?”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea Duo,” I answered and his arms tightened around me in response.
“It’ll be more cost efficient,” he tried one more time and I knew he wanted to use that as his trump card.
I let myself smile against his shoulder knowing he wouldn’t know that he had amused me.
I forced myself to keep my hands hanging at sides even though every fiber of my being wanted to hug him back and never let go.
I nodded slightly and then pushed him away, “Fine. But I’m putting down a set of rules. You will not touch me without my permission. You will not bring whores into the house. You will not bring yourself home drunk and stupid. If you are drunk, then spend the night somewhere else. Clear?” I told him with a glare and he nodded.
“Crystal.” He answered, his eyes glistening with hope.
“Don’t get too happy Maxwell. We’re living together… that doesn’t make us friends or even close to it.” I told him watching him go pale with immense satisfaction, “Now leave me alone. I have to go talk to the landlord.”
Duo nodded as I shoved him bodily out of my apartment and collected my security devices from outside the door. “And Duo,” I called out before he was out of earshot, “If I have the slightest inkling, the most minute reason to doubt your intentions. I will kill you. I don’t need to be cost efficient when it comes to personal safety.” With that, I shut the door behind myself and didn’t give Duo Maxwell another thought for a while.
I moved back into our apartment today. There wasn’t much to do at all, I hadn’t exactly packed my stuff and moved to Derosia’s so all my things were still here.
I noticed right off the bat that some things were very different in the apartment.
The black leather couch I had hated so much was replaced with a light beige fabric couch that I had liked when we had gone couch hunting.
I saw that Duo had shifted our beds so that I now had the bed closer to the door. Duo had also cleaned up the place to a sparkling finish. I couldn’t help but be suspicious.
While I was inspecting the place, Duo came to stand behind me. Before he knew what was going on, I turned around and shoved him as hard as I could so that he stumbled onto the dining table.
“You think changing a couch, and shifting beds will make everything all right?” I hissed at him and Duo seemed at a loss for words. “And don’t come near me. You make me sick.” I told him as I went into the bedroom and locked the door behind me.
I didn’t come out for the rest of the day… and Duo slept in the living room that night…on the couch…the one he had bypassed for the black one… where he liked to fuck his whores. Served him right.
My right hand was still healing and I didn’t like putting pressure on the tips where the skin was still raw. My nails were growing slowly, too slowly, and the doctor told me it would be another couple of weeks before they were completely out.
Did you know that your nails only grow one and a half millimeters per week? Mine grew even slower than that because I was not healthy.
I found out that I had lost my ability to bend metal. When Derosia starved me, my body had burned muscle to keep me going and I was a lot weaker now.
That news only strengthened my paranoia and I spent the days away from work turning the apartment into a fortress.
Derosia’s never going to get me again. I’ll kill him. And if I can’t kill him I’ll kill myself.
If he wants to fuck me again, he’ll have to do it with my cold, dead body. Then again, the bastard might actually enjoy it.
Duo tried to talk to me constantly but I pretended that he didn’t exist. I did what I wanted to, how I wanted to and Duo didn’t get to say anything about it.
It worried me though… how Duo seemed to be getting sicker. He was losing even more weight even though he ate fine and I found long strands of bunches of his hair in the shower.
He didn’t go out anymore. He didn’t talk to anyone besides me and when he came home he’d either watch TV or sleep.
I knew what the signs of depression were and Duo was clearly suffering from it. But somehow, no matter how much it hurt to see him this way, I continued to be cruel to him. I deserved some payback, and if I couldn’t get it from Derosia, I was getting it from Duo; my indirect tormentor.
Then one day, when Duo was at work, I got a phone call from the hospital.
"So you're telling me that you hate us because men wanted to whore you out? And yet you turned around and gave Heero up to that monster to be raped, beaten, and damn well tortured and for what, Duo? What could possibly be worth delivering your BEST FRIEND into that hell? A job? A promotion? Money? Tell me, Duo. I'm dying to know what you would sell us off for!” I heard Quatre’s voice increase in volume until he screamed the last bit out.
I stopped, about to knock on the door and listened further.
I guess Duo told Quatre what happened huh? I leaned forward until I could hear every word said inside while I ignored the strange look nurses and doctors sent me as they shuffled about.
“I don’t hate you anymore…” Duo sounded weak, tired. “I didn’t know you were gay before… before Heero…”
“Say it!” Quatre snarled. “Say it Duo! You didn’t know that Trowa and I were gay before you decided to punish Heero for something he had no control over and handed him over to a man that terrified him!”
“I’m sorry! God I’m so, so sorry!” Duo sobbed. “You don’t understand how I feel right now Quatre… I feel like I don’t deserve this body, I don’t deserve to be alive! I feel this constant itch running under my skin all over and I don’t know how to cure it! I feel like there are a thousand ants crawling all over! I have this huge hole in my chest and it grows larger every time Heero pushes me away!”
“You can’t expect him to forgive you just like that Duo.” Quatre didn’t sound angry anymore but he still sounded like he didn’t think Duo was worthy of forgiveness.
“I want… I want what you and Trowa have, Quatre…” Duo said softly and I pushed my ear against the door to be able to hear him better. “I want to hold him and… and…”
I didn’t hear what he said because he whispered it.
“ –too much to ask?” I managed to catch the last bit of his question.
“Yes Duo… I’m afraid it is… If you had not done what you did then Heero might have actually agreed to it, but now… even if he does feel anything for you he’ll never trust you. And you can’t build a relationship without trust Duo.”
“I know…” Duo seemed to be choking on his tears, “Oh god I know…”
“Duo! Stop that!” Quatre yelled and I heard shuffling.
Getting worried I opened the door and walked right in.
I saw Quatre with Duo’s wrists held in his hand and he was using a cloth to push down on them.
“What’s going on?” I asked and Duo’s eyes snapped up to meet mine and just as quickly lowered in shame.
Quatre looked at me and gestured me over. He slowly removed the cloth from the top of Duo’s wrists even as Duo tried to hide them.
“No… don’t look.” He said weakly and I ignored him.
The skin on his wrists was raw. Big chunks of skin were missing and there were scratch marks running up and down his arm.
“What is that?” I asked looking at the wounds not understanding what could make such marks.
“He scratches at his arms to fix his guilt. Clearly it’s not working so he scratches it more viciously every time. Luckily he hadn’t broken the vein before today.” Quatre explained. “That’s one of the reasons he collapsed today. He scratched right through the skin and the loss of blood made him faint. A couple of agents found him in the washroom.”
“You tried to kill yourself?” I asked my voice blank but inside my heart felt like it was being torn.
“No…” Duo answered still looking away from me, his bangs hiding his face. “I just wanted the itch to stop.”
“Duo? Look at me.” I ordered and Duo looked up, his large teary violet eyes reluctantly meeting my icy blue narrowed ones. Before I even knew what I was doing I had pulled my hand back and slapped him hard across the cheek.
“Heero!” Quatre sprang up and held me away from Duo. “What’s wrong with you?!”
“He’s a fucking bastard, that’s what! I don’t know what the fuck was wrong with me that I ever fell in love with him!” I snarled and stormed out of the room.
A/N: So... anybody feel for Duo now? Or is everybody still in line to shoot him? Come ooonnn he's guilty!! Have a heart! Don't ask me to kill him!! Or to have Heero with someone else!! Duo will make Heero very happy... eventually...
Until next time,
Persephone