A/N: THIS CHAPTER IS NOT BETAED!! As soon as my beta is done with this one I'll be posting the proper and nicer one with no grammatical errors. I just posted this because I realised I haven't updated in a long long time after promising otherwise and the guilt was eating me.
Now as to my reasons for not updating earlier - I had this whole chapter written out for ages but a few chapters down the road I hit a block because of it. I decided I didn't like how the story was going so I went back and rewrote this one (I like this one much much better) but the bad news is that since I deleted and added some stuff in here all the chapters I have written after it are useless so I will have to rewrite them again. Reason number 2 - My exams start next week and I have five exams squished in seven days and I don't have enough time to prepare ANY of them so after this one I am taking a mini break (I know I know I was essentially on a break for the past month or so) until 20th April and then I'll start writing again.
Recap: Duo and Heero have a fight about Heero's sexuality and Duo knocks Heero unconscious and takes him to Derosia. Why? You'll find out. So anyway, we last saw Heero begging Duo to not leave him with Derosia and Duo left.
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER DEALS WITH NCS and HEERO TORTURE. Now if you are uncomfortable with this then please don't read it. The next chapter will talk indirectly about it so you wouldn't have missed much, not to mention you can read the recap and guess the smaller details. I will NOT tolerate flames for something I warned you about.
Now on with the story
Posted: 8th April 2007
UNBETAED
I felt numb as I watched the door swing behind Duo.
He had left me? He left?
The numbness that had descended on me turned into white hot rage as I continued to look at the half open door hearing the front door shut with a slam.
He fucking left me?! This is all that I mean to him? He can so easily hand me over to a perverted man with dubious intentions?
Nice to know you how little you are worth to someone.
My anger gave me energy I didn’t have and I swung my bound hands from over my head and struck Derosia resoundingly across the jaw. I caught him by surprise only because he had conveniently distracted himself running his hands up and down my torso pinching and rubbing me in places I’d rather not think about.
He sat back and rubbed his jaw. He didn’t even look hurt. He just looked pissed.
“I’ll have to ask you not to do that Heero. You could hurt someone.” He moved his jaw from side to side testing it while ignoring me completely as I glared with all my strength at him.
“Now be a good boy and,” He lied down until he was flush against my body using his weight to hold me in place and buried his face into my neck, licking and sucking.
“Let me go! Let me go otherwise when I get out of here I’ll make your life miserable! I’ll testify against you and I’ll have you jailed for rape!” I yelled at him hoping to scare him enough to let me go.
Mind you, even in my panicky state I knew it wasn’t going to work.
“Oh? Then I guess I’ll have to make sure you never leave.” He stated calmly and my heart jumped with dread.
He’s joking right? He has to be joking…
Kissing me on my neck once more he turned to pull something out of the drawer of the side table.
Seeing an opportunity I reached up and grabbed his balls through his pants and dug my nails into them. He jerked away from me and then used the object he had pulled from the drawer to strike me across my face… the same side that was still sporting a bruise from Duo’s hit.
I felt as though a thousand needles were piercing my skin, little pinpricks of cold while the rest of my skin felt like it was boiling.
I refused to show him that he’s hurt me though and I continued to glare at him through the fog of pain.
“I told you earlier Heero. Don’t do something like that. Someone could get hurt.” He repeated and I continued to glare at him.
Grinning at me he held up the object he had attacked me with and I saw that it was a pair of shiny grey handcuffs.
I swallowed nervously fighting to keep looking angry rather than afraid.
“Gundanium. I read up on you.” He said looking very smug and I knew that if he got those hand cuffs on me all my chances of escaping would go down the drain.
Cold, chilling fear replaced my anger and I panicked.
“Don’t you DARE TOUCH ME!” I screamed at him leaving all pretenses of being brave behind me as I started kicking, punching and biting. I needed to get away. Up until now it hadn’t felt like it was really happening but now I knew… I just knew that I will get raped.
“GET AWAY FROM ME!” I screamed so loudly my throat felt like it had gone raw. I swung my bound hands back and forth hoping to hit him.
“If you don’t stop this moment I will hurt you Heero. A lot.” He told me calmly and his words scared me even more.
Adrenalin surging through my veins I somehow managed to rip the tank that had been holding my hands bound and gripped his throat trying to push him off me but he continued to straddle me looking so fucking calm.
Instead of reaching for my hands like any normal person would he took the handcuffs and struck me on my jaw, my ear, my cheek, my eye… any place he could get his hands on and eventually the pain from the blows overrode the adrenalin and I tasted blood in my mouth.
The left side of my face throbbed and I felt it start to swell. I had something warm and wet trickling out of my ear and my cheek stung where I had bitten it when he hit me.
My grip on his throat loosened just enough for him to rip them off and he snapped the handcuff around one of my wrists and then pulled it over my head so that he could throw the other cuff around the iron rods of the bed.
“I told you if you didn’t stop I’d hurt you Heero. Don’t blame me when I clearly warned you.” He said soothingly as he easily snapped the cuff closed on my other hand. I was now completely and utterly at his mercy.
My head was swimming and I saw stars seeping into my vision. My left eye was swollen shut and I really wanted to sleep.
Darkness was starting to seep into my consciousness and keeping my eyes open became a chore.
“Shh…” I heard someone shushing me and I moved my hands hearing the clanking of chains. “Everything will be fine, Hee-chan.” The voice came through the foggy mess of my mind.
“Duo?” I whispered and opened my eye. There he was!
I smiled. It was a nightmare after all.
“It’s okay Hee-chan. It’s just a nightmare. Do you want me to sleep with you?” He said soothingly and caressed my cheek softly.
I nodded although it made my head hurt and he bent until he was lying on top of me.
I felt his hands roving over my body and I felt him grab my naked butt.
Why was I naked?
Then he grabbed my legs and threw them over his shoulders.
“Duo?” I rasped out. My throat felt so raw and painful…
“AH!” I yelled out and my dream crashed. I felt myself ripping from the inside out and my eyes flew open.
Derosia’s face swam in front of me and he had his eyes closed and mouth open as he panted. I looked down and saw him disappearing into my body and then coming out again.
He pushed and pulled and I felt my insides burning. I felt myself stretching uncomfortably and my skin pulling.
In and out. In and out.
“St-stop… please… stop…” I whispered but he paid no heed. He moaned and then panted thrusting harder and harder.
“Please… please… please…” I felt my voice giving out but I continued to whisper until the word was nothing but a rush of air escaping my lips.
“Oh god…” Derosia moaned and I wanted to black out… I wanted to faint, lose consciousness, die, whatever it took to stop feeling this but the pain kept me on the brink of consciousness and I found myself slipping between reality and fantasy.
“I’ll never leave you alone again Hee-chan. I promise.”
“I’m going everywhere you go. I’ll never leave you alone again Hee-chan.”
“I promise.”
“I promise.”
“I promise.”
“He promised me…” I whispered and Derosia didn’t even look at me. I couldn’t think anymore, my thoughts were a mess of memories and feelings. “He promised me he wouldn’t leave me…”
Derosia continued to thrust in and out and I felt tears gathering in my eyes but I blinked them back stubbornly.
“He promised me.” I said again unable to fathom the Duo that had hugged me and promised me to never leave me with the one that had left me to be raped. “He promised!”
To stop my babbling Derosia pushed his lips onto mine. There was no love in that kiss, no lust even… it was just to make sure I won’t talk.
‘I always wanted Duo to be the first one…’ my last thought as I felt my last grip on consciousness slip.
“Get up.” Suddenly I was drenched in ice cold water and I woke up with a start. I tried to jump up into a sitting position but my hands twisted painfully where they were still attached to the head board and my vision swam.
“I can’t have you sleeping all day! It’s no fun that way.” Derosia said crawling on the bed to come sit next to me. He had showered and was currently only wearing a towel.
I looked at him dazedly. I opened my mouth to say something and my throat throbbed.
I cleared my throat gently hoping not to aggravate the problem but be able to talk too.
“Are… are you…” My voice was hoarse and my throat hurt so much, “let me go now? Please?” The last word coming out as a whisper.
“Hmm?” He cocked his head to one side as though considering the idea. Then he grinned and I felt the now familiar sense of dread drown me.
“Please?” I whispered hoping it would change his mind.
“Of course not Hee-chan.” He told me looking for something in the bed covers. “If I let you go you’ll go call the police on me and then I’ll get into trouble.” He mumbled looking distracted.
“You can’t keep me here forever…” I rasped out. He can’t keep me here forever! If he won’t let me go then he’ll probably kill me but he can’t keep me here forever.
“I can… Hee-chan have you seen the remote?” He asked me distractedly and I looked at him unbelievingly.
“That’s okay I’ll just change channels from the TV itself.” He went to switch the TV on.
He can’t keep me here! He can’t! He can’t!
“Oh here it is. I must have put it next to the TV.”
“YOU CAN’T KEEP ME HERE!!” I yelled my voice somehow getting past my throat that felt swollen inside.
I barely saw him pull his hand back before black plastic was zooming through the air and it hit me on my head snapping my head to the left. I felt it crack and one of the sharp jagged pieces slice my cheek.
“Now look what you did Heero. I’ll have to buy another one.” He said as he picked up the broken remote and looked for the batteries that fell out when the remote hit me.
“You’re crazy.” I ground out through the pain.
“Hmm? What was that Hee-chan?” He looked at me threateningly and I found myself rethinking my words.
“You can’t keep me here forever. If you don’t want me to testify against you then you’ll have to kill me.” I said calmer than I felt.
“Do you want me to kill you?” He asked me and I wondered.
“Yes.” I found myself answering even before I had thought it through.
“Well too bad.” He said calmly, “Are you hungry?” He asked as he headed out of the bedroom giving up on the TV.
I didn’t say anything but I knew I was starved. I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday. In answer my stomach growled instead.
“Yes?” He looked at me obviously hearing my stomach growl but forcing me to answer anyway. I nodded very very subtly and he saw it. “Well too bad. You’re too fat for my liking so we’ll be regulating your food intake.” He said leaving me chained to the bedpost.
I shifted in frustration and felt warm sticky fluid seep out from between my thighs and I felt so sick suddenly that I dry heaved onto the sweat soaked pillow.
I felt tears prickle behind my eyes and I swallowed thickly trying to control them.
I miss Duo.
My ankles were itching again.
I moved just enough to look at my legs and willed them to stop itching. I was too tired to actually reach down and scratch them.
I moved my arms hearing the clanking chains and tried to reach my legs. The chains were too short.
I moved my legs and the cuffs around my ankles rubbed against my wounds and I swallowed a groan. Derosia was sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him up.
The cuffs were too tight on my ankles and had cut the soft skin there and the wound itched… a lot.
Not scratching it was horrible… but moving the cuffs over them to cure the itch was agonizing.
I was not in the bedroom anymore. Derosia had shifted me into the study sometime last week and then chained me to the wall such that my hands hung limply around my head and my legs could be straightened before the chains snapped back.
I have been sitting for three days. I can’t lie down with my hands and legs tied up to the wall this way.
Slowly my muscles were giving out and I slumped forward, my back muscles in agony and my butt was mercifully numb.
Derosia came home from work everyday and the first thing he did was rape me.
He never let me heal. The skin there was so painful that relieving myself every morning had become a torture.
Then of course, the lack of food guaranteed that I won’t have that problem again.
Count the small blessings.
Sitting for days on the thinly carpeted floor and not feeling the pain between my legs was another small blessing.
Derosia forced me to write emails to me friends telling them I was fine and everything was great. He suggested that I shouldn’t include Duo in those emails because I’m supposed to be mad at him…
Needless to say no one ever came to check up on me.
Duo sent me emails. All of them apologizing but I was not allowed to reply to any of them. My time on the internet was carefully monitored and the computer needed Derosia’s fingerprints to work and a password on top of it.
I knew that if I could just get the computer to switch on I’d hack the password but it wouldn’t.
And the one time I tried to fool the fingerprint analyzer by opening the machine up I had been caught. Derosia had returned early and caught me with his analyzer dismantled.
He punished me.
I don’t ever want to get caught again.
He also chained me soon after so there was very little I could do about anything anymore.
I stared at my nails. They had slowed growing so much that I sometimes wondered if they were still growing.
The veins on my hands and arms stood out as I lost more and more weight. Derosia insisted on feeding me just enough to keep me alive.
That served two purposes you see. He gets to fuck a very slight and thin body while at the same time the lack of energy dissuades me from trying to escape.
I just want to die.
“He doesn’t want to talk to you!” I heard Derosia yell as I started waking up.
“If you don’t let me talk to Heero right now I’ll head there with police do you hear me?!” I heard Duo’s voice yell back sounding extremely frustrated.
“Fine!” Derosia stomped down the hallway and into the study where he grabbed my chains and unlocked them. Then he dragged me to the living room.
“You will tell him you are fine. If you don’t…” He pulled out a knife and cut away my pajamas. The placed the cold tip against my entrance and pressed, “I’ll make sure you are in so much pain you’ll beg me to kill you. Understand?” He hissed at me as he forced me to stand in front of the phone.
The speaker was on and I hoped that Duo had heard his whispered threat.
“D-Duo?” I asked.
“Heero!” He sounded so happy to hear from me. I can’t believe he’s the same Duo that left me with this monster. “How are you Heero? Really?”
His voice still made my heart jump. It still made me feel warm and safe… even now I felt as though Duo would save me…
The video was off and I wished that Duo would ask to switch it on and see me.
I stayed quiet and I felt the tip of the knife graze the raw skin and I swallowed to dispel the pain.
“I’m fine.” I choked out.
“You didn’t email me. You contacted all the other guys but you didn’t contact me.” He sounded hurt. That bastard.
“All the others didn’t leave me to get raped all right?” I snapped at him and Derosia forced the tip into my passage and I swallowed a scream.
“I’m so sorry Heero! I didn't know what I was doing! I don't know how to make it up to you! Do you want me to come get you? I’ll come right this minute if that’s what you want!” He said strongly and it took all my strength to not yell out ‘Yes! Get me out of here!’
He pushed the blade further in and I squeezed my eyes shut, my breath coming out in pants.
“What do you say?” Derosia whispered into my ear so quietly that there no chance that Duo would’ve heard.
“N-No… Christian l-loves me… He’s good to me…” I swallowed hard feeling bile creep up my throat. “I-I want to stay with him… forever…” I whispered.
“Good boy.” Derosia breathed on my neck and I shuddered.
“Oh… okay… I guess… I was wrong… Umm…” He cleared his throat, “Heero? Why aren’t you coming to work?”
Derosia twisted the knife and I leaned forward heavily getting tired of hiding my pain and trying to keep my voice normal.
“I want t-to stay home and be a good… l-lover… I d-don’t want to… work…” My voice broke.
“I see… I’ll let you go then… it was good talking to you Heero… please don’t shut me out.” He said before he hung up and the dial tone rang through the room.
Derosia pushed the blade in suddenly and I screamed.
“We have to work on your acting skills Heero.” He said as he pushed me down on the ground and took the knife out. I didn’t have a chance to breath in relief before he stuck his fingers into my wounded hole and then stared at his bloodied hand.
He caressed my cheek with the same hand and smeared the blood all over me. I didn’t have the strength to fight him as I tried to stop myself from hyperventilating.
“You look so beautiful Heero… my bloody angel…” He said as he plunged into me in one smooth motion.
I let out a blood curdling scream one more time before I passed out from the pain.
Duo’s calls quickly turned into periods of torture. Every time he called I ended up bloody and in immense pain.
It got to a point where when Duo called I yelled at him to stop calling me and stay away from me.
He said a soft, “as you wish” in answer and didn’t call again.
I felt like I died that day.
Derosia was way too happy, on the contrary, and he rewarded me that day by offering me food.
He actually let me finish his leftovers.
I hadn’t eaten that much in ages.
“See?” He said stroking my hair as I stuffed my face. “If you don’t fight me then I’ll make it very rewarding for you.”
That day I decided to stop fighting him.
I really was stuck with him forever… why not make as painless as possible?
That night when he tried to force himself on me, I actually reciprocated and he was delighted.
It still hurt as hell but I was able to relax myself and reduce the pain slightly.
My sudden cooperation lulled him into a sense of security so much so that he removed my chains.
He still kept me locked up and didn’t allow me access to the kitchen or the computer but I was allowed to walk around and lie down if I wanted.
Then one day when he left for work I decided to escape.
It’s not like I was tied up anymore so I decided to pick the lock and then get out.
The lock was electronic and so I couldn’t pick it without the right tools. So I did the one thing I had learned from Duo – destroy the lock you can’t pick.
I got my hand on a metal vase that was sitting in a display case and then smashed it repeatedly on the lock, my excitement over finally being free fueling my muscles.
The lock didn’t budge but it did start beeping and I felt cold fear creep up my spine.
No. Don’t have an alarm. Please don’t have an alarm. Please. Please. Please.
A second later it switched off and I sighed in relief.
I got a jug of water and poured it on the lock hoping it’ll short out.
It worked. The lock shorted.
But it also sounded an alarm that had a metal bold appear out of the lock and shut the door.
All the windows in the apartment clicked shut electronically and I felt tears of frustration slip out.
“No. No. No. Please God no. Please. Please. Please.” I chanted but the alarm resounded throughout the apartment and I knew Derosia must be on his way.
Losing all hope I sank to the ground and held my head in my hands.
He’ll kill me.
And that’s the best case scenario.
Moments later I heard the bolt snapping open and the alarms silenced.
The front door closed again and I had barely a second to steel myself before I was dragged up by my hair and pulled into the bedroom.
“I see that I can’t trust you.” He said his voice icy.
“Please. Please. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please.” I begged but his eyes were cold and emotionless.
His fingers in my hair tightened until I felt the roots pulling. “Please. Please. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Using his grip on my hair he smashed my head into the wall and pain bloomed in my head.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He smashed my head into the wall again and I lost all ability to think.
“This is what you give me for loving you? Huh Heero?” He snarled at me and smashed my head into the wall again.
“Is this what I get for feeding you, taking care of you and loving you every night?” He bashed my head in again and again until I tasted blood in my mouth and my nose started bleeding.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I chanted my voice fading a little more with every word.
“Tomorrow, you’ll learn the real meaning of the word pain.” He promised before slapping on the chains on my arms and legs again and chained me to the wall.
I saw him lock the door and leave for work before slipping away from reality.
There was a delivery today.
He brought the box to the study and opened it with childish enthusiasm in front of me.
I didn’t particularly share his excitement. My head felt as though it’s about to explode and my nose had been bleeding on and off since yesterday.
“Look what I got for you Heero.” He held out something for me and I weakly pulled my head up to look at it.
It looked like a collar. A dog collar.
Is that best he can do? Make me wear a dog collar? He already has me as his bitch what’s a dog collar going to do?
I looked away and he laughed.
“Come on try it on. I want to see how it looks on you.” I didn’t move and refused to look at him.
“Oh silly me. Of course you’re tied up so you can’t wear it yourself.” He said so sweetly I would’ve gagged.
He reached around my neck to fasten the collar and I felt a sharp pinch on the side of my neck.
I whimpered and he laughed.
“Feel that? It’s a small pin. It goes straight into your jugular.” I looked at him confused and he moved back after tightening the collar until it was digging into my skin.
“Confused?” He asked. I didn’t say anything. He pulled out a remote the size of a keychain and then pressed a small button on the remote.
I felt fire race into my blood and then spread throughout my body until I was screaming and convulsing against the wall. The chained clanked against each other in a cacophony of sounds and my neck strained in uncomfortable positions. My head felt like it was going to blow and I found it hard to breathe.
Abruptly the pain stopped and I coughed trying to get as much oxygen into me as possible and choked on it.
I wheezed feeling my lungs constrict and expand abnormally.
“Like it? It delivers shots of electricity straight into your blood stream! And as you are quite aware, blood is an excellent conductor! Now every time you anger me I will just press this button and you will get electrocuted, isn’t it ingenious?” He laughed again and patted me on the back making my back hurt.
“And it has a very wide range. I can press this button from my office if you so much as try to touch the lock.” He whispered to me and I coughed louder, spitting out blood.
He wove his fingers into my hair and pulled me forward until his lips were inches away from mine.
“Do everything I tell you to and I won’t press this button. Deal?” He asked me and I could only nod mutely.
“Good boy.” He whispered, “Now spread your legs.” He said and I felt so cheap and so whorish at that moment that I wanted to just kill myself.
But the fear of him pressing the button made me scoot back and pull my legs up and back so that my thighs were pressed against my stomach.
“Very good boy.” Derosia praised me like I was some kind of a dog.
Pulling my pants over my legs he helped himself while I tried to pretend I was not here and back with Duo in our apartment.
Slowly, it was getting harder and harder to remember my life before Derosia… and as the memories got foggier, my depression got worse.
“Duo’s on the phone. Don’t do something that will make me punish you.” He said sounding apologetic and I resisted the urge to snort. I dragged myself to the living room and stood in front of the phone staring at it.
It was a strange feeling I got every time Duo called. It was like hope, despair and frustration all mixed together.
This time Derosia didn’t stand over my shoulder. So sure he was that I wouldn’t dare do anything he doesn’t approve of out of my fear for the collar.
“Duo…” I breathed feeling so useless and helpless.
“Hee-chan! Listen I know you asked me not to call you but I couldn’t help it and I needed to hear your voice and know that you were all right. You’re not mad at me are you? Please tell me you’re not mad at me.” I smiled softly to myself. I missed hearing him go off and not even breathe until he had said everything there was to say about a subject.
“Are you all right? Why are you so quiet? Heero?” He inquired.
I glanced up and saw Derosia had pulled out the remote from his pocket and was fingering the button threateningly.
“I-I’m fine. Just tired.” I said feeling like a puppet on strings.
“Heero… talk to me please.”
Why do I want to trust him again so badly? Why do I want to even consider being with him again?
Derosia got up and stalked towards me, his eyes cold.
“Duo… help me… please.” I wheezed out without thinking and Derosia’s eyes first widened and then narrowed.
“Heero? Are you all right? Are you hurt?” What’s…” Derosia had disconnected the call and glared at me.
“Help…” I said again even though Duo couldn’t hear anymore.
“You make me do this Heero. It’s not my fault, it’s yours.” He said as he pushed down on the button and I screamed.
Waves of ice and fire raced through my body and I convulsed losing my balance and hitting the floor painfully.
“Stop!” I cried out and he increased the intensity of the current even more and I screamed.
After what seemed like hours he finally stopped but I continued to twitch and spasm. My arms and legs were numb and every time I tried to move them thousands of needles attacked my limbs. My ears were ringing and I was sobbing pathetically.
I coughed trying to breathe and spat out a thick clot of blood feeling sick when I saw it hit the floor with a disgusting wet sound.
“I told you to do as I say or I will hurt you. Why do you not listen?” He hissed at me, squatting next to my twitching body.
He ran his hands through my hair and everywhere his fingers touched fire erupted, my skin over sensitized due to the shocks.
“Now that you’ve got Maxwell on our trail you think you’re free? You’ll never be free Heero. You’ll always be mine. And I’ll come back for you I promise.”
He then slammed my head down onto the floor and my vision swam.
“Now… where were we?” He asked mockingly as he pushed the button again and I realized that this attack might kill me.
I just knew that I didn’t have enough strength to recover from another shock and when the waves of electricity ran through me… I gave up.
I felt my throat close down, my blood boil and my muscles spasm. I felt my stomach turn and my heart beat so forcefully that it felt like it was jumping out of my chest.
I knew I was going to die by the time Derosia had finished with me and all I could think of was how I had never been able to kiss Duo.
I know I’m pathetic. I know I’m a lovesick fool who can’t even hate the guy who betrayed me.
But something about Duo always just… made me feel like I was home…
Even now… with Derosia staring down at me and scream after scream being ripped from my abused throat… still thinking about Duo made it easier to bear…
I felt my screams reduce to whimpers and then pained gasps as my throat gave out. I felt my muscle spasms reduce to trembling when my sore muscles gave up.
I felt blood pooling into my mouth and then spilling over. All the pain, all the soreness, all the pins and needles disappeared as I fell into blissful numbness.
I knew I was shutting down. And I knew it because I should still be screaming, still writhing on the floor since Derosia’s finger was still on that damned button… but I felt nothing.
With a soft sigh I closed my eyes and darkness welcomed me.
Everyone always said that right before you die you see your whole life flash before your eyes… I only saw Duo.
A/N: Depressing chapter I know. And I'm sorry but this time I don't have a double update (I tried! I really really did!) So here's a cliffy. But for everyone who's planning on sending me a rat poison, Heero's not gonna die. Of course not! How will he be with Duo then?! So just wait and see how to story unfolds.
Until next time,
Persephone