Runaway

Why do you constantly chase after me?

Why do I care?

I suppose this is one of those few things that I cannot, for the life of me (whatever that is worth) understand.

Relena, I ran to protect you. And, much as would rather not admit it, I ran to protect myself.

And every time I run, I feel the cool dampness of your tears in the salty ocean breeze again, see your face, hurt, accusing me again. It is a knife slash every time; did you not realize it?

I am not certain that that is the entire reason I run. My mind is screaming at me to stop this line of thought before it confuses me and I am no longer able to perform my function as a soldier. My heart tells me to keep on, to understand myself and my actions better. For a moment I am torn between the two.

I choose to follow my heart in this case.

I must wonder, do you know how many times you have tried to kill me?

No, not directly. Not as I have tried to eliminate you, holding a gun (or a Gundam) on you. The thought of you ever holding a weapon on anyone brings a tiny, softly illuminated smile to my face. I have heard that it has happened, more through rumor than anything that could be confirmed. I sigh. No, you have made me throw myself into every harm that comes your way, just to try to protect you. Some of what you have driven me to do is really quite amazing, even by my standards.

Do you realize that you are perhaps as dangerous to me as I am myself?

That outdoes even those soulless mobile dolls, since they are not always near to attack me. I, no matter how hard I run (and believe me, Relena, I have tried), cannot outrun myself.

Or the memories of you that I carry in my heart.

You have wondered about that, I think: does Heero Yuy have a heart? A soul? A conscience? Or is he just a living version of a mobile doll, an android with only a mission to kill until killed? I even wondered about that myself. Now, I think I can answer you on each count.

I, Heero Yuy, do indeed have a heart, and a conscience, and a soul.

I, Heero Yuy, have run away from their judgment.

And now, under the light of the moon and the stars beside the ocean, I am ready to submit myself to the decision of my heart.

And as I slip below the waves, feeling the cool embrace that pulls me in welcomingly, I wonder for a moment… Am I running again?

No, I have already had this argument out with myself. And I accept the verdict.

Relena, where I am running I ask that you do not follow as you have so often before.

Shisetsu kanryoo. Finally.