Disclaimers: Don’t own them, wish I could, what’s the use since I never will…
Warnings: Het, death, depressing…non-Relena-bashing…
Archives: Just ask.
Blame YOKO! What the bloody blue blazes were you thinking, making me write a non-Relena-bashing fic?!?!? I swear, I’m going to skin you alive you little female Sharpei!
Yoko: Don’t blame me, I’m just the muse!
That’s why I’m blaming you! ::sigh:: Ok, enjoy the fic… if you don’t heave first…
~ marks Heero’s thoughts ~
The preacher droned on and on and on: Heero was not truly aware of it, nor of the slight pressure on his wrist from an old friend who dared to show him sympathy. He knew where he was, why, who was with him and more acutely who was not. He was lost in his thoughts, in a private hell of his own making
~
I can’t believe it. You’re gone. After all those times I protected you, I was not there the one time you needed it and it cost you your life.
Relena, you don’t know that I deeply regret all those times now, times I brushed you off, ignored you. Tried to kill you. You never will, now.
That time at the Saint Gabriel Institute, when you walked into my room and caught me by surprise packing… I should have known then your courage. You knew what you were dealing with and what you were doing, reasserted it so many times after to me. When you came to Antarctica. When you surrendered yourself to the Romefeller Foundation after they destroyed your homeland once again. When I stood on the balcony, a lethal shot in my sights. When you went to Libra to try to stop your brother…I heard that you tried to go out after me and stop me from fighting: I heard likewise that it was all that they could do to stop you. And when you confronted Dekim Barton…the one time you needed that protection, I arrived too late to give it.
The screams of the dying and dead ring in my mind even now, clear as a bell, distorted by the demons of my head. The scene is forever and indelibly seared into my mind: I don’t believe I will ever get the stain of your lifeblood off of my hands that are black with it and the blood of so many others. I held you so closely, closer than I’ve ever held anyone before, closer even than that dance. You were still warm: I tried to wake you up. You could have been sleeping, for all I knew, or knocked out, which would fit the sprawled position I found you in. You could have been. Except for the pale cast of your skin…too pale for life to remain in you. And the gaping hole in your chest, surrounded by a deep red rose on your otherwise pristine white coat and jacket.
You do not know, nor will you ever know, that only two people left that room alive.
I was not one of them.
I died when I knew you had.
And now I know why I could never kill you. You were too integral a part of me.
But by not being there, I have killed you.
Mission: failed.
The cost… unforeseeable.
I will miss you, Relena.
~
Owari