When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it’s back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It’s hard to find relieve and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can’t take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone
Relena sighed as she stepped into her room, glad to have finally been able to escape that meeting with the foreign delegates. Another day, another document, she thought. Closing the door behind her, she did a quick assessment of her room, knowing her ever-watchful bodyguard had stationed himself on her balcony. It still made her feel better to give her room her own once over. Noting the slight nighttime chill to her room, she glanced towards the balcony door, seeing it open and the curtains fluttering gracefully in the wind.
That’s funny. He opened them tonight. I wonder why. She paused, spotting his familiar refreshing silhouette sitting on his usual chair. Though, I can’t say that I don’t mind the fresh air. It has become way too stuffy in here at night! Relena shed her business jacket and hung it in her closet, taking out a long white silk nightgown. She chuckled at the memory of from whom she had received the gift from. Ah, Noin and Sally and their wonderful birthday gifts! Well, might as well put it to good use. I always did like the feel of silk. She took the gown and the matching white robe and walked into her bathroom.
Minutes later, she emerged and hung her day cloths up next to the jacket. Proceeding with her nightly ritual, she sat down at the edge of her bed, with her back to the balcony, and looked over the many photos from a wonderful day all ten of them had at a park, before splitting up after the war. She ran her finger over the smiling faces of her old friends. Coming to a picture of Wufei scowling at a smiling Sally, Relena smiled herself. Well, almost everyone’s smiling. She looked over each and every picture, thinking about everyone in their new lives. When Marymaya had been stopped, Sally had convinced Wufei to join the Preventors. Three years later, they were still together, an unstoppable team. Though, Sally would soon be taking off for maternity leave. I still can’t believe it only took her a year and a half to bug Wufei enough that he’d do the job and ask her! Though, everyone knew that Wufei would have done it anyway, on his own, sooner or later.
Next to their picture was one of a slightly slumped over Duo, with a rambunctious Hilde clinging to his back, smiling widely at him. Nonetheless, he too was looking back at her, smiling his ever-contagious smile. Didn’t take him too long to propose to her. Relena thought wistfully. Later that night, while everyone was watching the fireworks, Duo had asked Hilde to marry him. Of course, Hilde, not being stupid, immediately said yes. She was no fool, and they all knew they were perfect for each other. A date still hasn’t been set, though. The two of them had been too busy organizing Duo’s part with the Sweepers. For the time being, they were just happy to be together, knowing that they were each other’s, and nobody would and could come between them.
Relena laughed a little at the next picture of Catherine and Dorothy fencing with Catherine’s ever-present throwing knives. Trowa and Quatre sat together at a nearby tree, rolling their eyes at the girls. Trowa and Catherine had been the first to take the actual step into married life. Right now, everyone was one their toes for the arrival of their third child coming any day soon. And their two-year old twins were just too cute!
Quatre and Dorothy had put their differences behind them, becoming quick friends. Through Quatre, Dorothy was able to come to terms with her own black past and learned to live happily in the here and now. Poor Dorothy. Relena thought. She has just as much responsibility as me, yet, she somehow finds the time to live and be what she was never allowed to be. The other girls had also accepted Dorothy among them, treating her with such kindness that she only showed her old competitive ways during games. When not working with the circus, watching his family, or fussing over Catherine, Trowa was helping Quatre work up enough courage to ask Dorothy to marry him. Duo, however, had absolutely no faith in him, and had started a bet that Dorothy would be the one to ask first.
Lastly, she came to the one group picture they took at the start of the day. She looked longingly at the sullen dark haired boy sitting next to her in it. It was the only picture she had of him. But then again, she saw him basically everyday. Most of the time it was as a fleeting shadow or the still silhouette. But, there were a few rare times when he would stop for a minute to look at her, as if to tell her he was still there, and would always be. Thank you Sally for assigning him to me. She thought as tears held back for years finally spilt over. Not wanting him to see her cry and think her weak, she lay down on her bed and buried her head into her pillow to muffle the sobs.
When you feel all alone And a loyal friend is hard to find You're caught in a one way street With the monsters in your head When hopes and dreams are far away and You feel like you can't face they day
Let me be the one you call If you jump I'll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn You're not alone
Heero’s head perked up as he heard the faint sounds of sobs coming from her room. He watched as her head bent, and the rest of her body follow onto her pillow. She’s trying to muffle out her crying, so that I won’t hear her. Does she think I’ll think her weak? Doesn’t she know that I volunteered to be her bodyguard?
‘Don’t you mean, forced Sally and Wufei to make him her bodyguard?’ An inner small voice he had managed to push away at times during the war asked.
I did not!
‘Did to. You did, and you know it. You just don’t want to admit it! Admit it! You have strong feelings for that girl! THAT’S why you persuaded them to let you, and ONLY you be her bodyguard, and under no other circumstances was anyone else to go near her.’ It replied smugly.
I DID NOT!
“Rriigghhtt.” It said non-believingly.
Go away.
“Oh, good comeback!”
Shut up!
‘Why? Cause you know I’m right, and you don’t wanna believe me?’
Now you’re starting to sound like Duo.
“Well, he IS your best friend. Why shouldn’t I sound like him? He gives you good advice from time to time. You should listen to him more often.’
All he does is play, the fool. He is NEVER serious.
‘Exactly. He knows how to live life to the fullest. He’s trying to teach you to do that too. Kid, the war’s over! It’s time to live! You only get one life to do it! Don’t waste it!’
Heero snorted. I am a soldier. I was born a soldier, and I will die a soldier. I don’t need anything else.
‘Yes, you do.’ The voice replied solemnly. ‘And anyway, you ain’t gonna meet another girl like her in a longggggg time. She’s the only one willing to put up with you for longer than need be.’
Heero shoved the voice away as he saw Relena stir in bed and sit up.
Because there has always been heartache and pain And when it's over you'll breathe again You'll breath again
Relena heard him snort softly outside. Wondering what he was up to, she sat up in bed, rubbing the tears out of her eyes. Funny, he’s never stayed this long. Sighing deeply, she got up out of bed and made her way to the balcony. She needed someone to talk to, or listen, in his case.
“Heero?” He looked up, seemingly startled that she was still awake.
“…”
“Mind if I sit down?” She asked apprehensively, tucking a strand of blowing hair behind her ear.
Wow. Was all he could think as he stared at her, gown, robe, and hair billowing in the slight autumn night breeze. She looks like an Angel!
‘Ha! I told you so!’
Go away! Heero shook his heads lightly and motioned for her to sit down.
Ok, so, he shook his head, and is now telling me to sit. This is starting out well. Relena thought as she seated herself across from him.
“You don’t mind if I talk, do you? I just need someone to talk to, and you’re a good listener. You don’t have to respond to me. Just… LOOK like you’re paying attention to me, please?” Heero nodded his head. Relena smiled a, little relieved.
“Thank you.” Heero nodded his head again, the corners of his mouth tugged up a bit briefly. Relena did not notice, however. She was, at the moment, looking down at her hands clasped tightly in her lap. Her hair freely flowed in front of her face, obscuring Heero from seeing the small tears forming in her eyes.
“It’s so hard to, find someone to just talk to now a days.” Relena started out slowly, seemingly choosing her words carefully. “No one wants to actually talk to me, as a real person. I guess, though, they never did. When I was Relena Dorlian, I was the Foreign Ministers’ daughter. Too rich for anyone’s taste. Of course, no one could talk to me. I did not have the same problems as everyone else. They all probably thought I wouldn’t understand their ‘little’ problems. School was horrible. I had no real friends.” Heero started to interject. “No, those girls you saw me with at that school were not friends. They were admirers of my name, of my money. They didn’t truly care. Sure, they might have thought they did, but they didn’t.”
“Then, thanks to Lady Une, I became Relena Peacecraft. It wasn’t any easier. Now I had the world and space in my hands. But what was I supposed to do with them? I was a child! I still am in a way.” She shook her head. “I never really knew where I stood amongst everything. The only ideals I knew of were my fathers’. I hadn’t time to form my own. Now, I’m in so deep I can’t afford to form my own.”
Relena sighed a shuttering breath. As more tears built up, they started to fall little by little onto her hands. Her shoulders hunched slightly and shook lightly with silent sobs. “I have always been told what to do and what to say. Where to go, how to dress… Even the littlest things I do are somehow derived from something someone told me to do. I have hardly done one action that was totally my own. I do admit, however, that in the early years of the war, my following you around was my own idea of some sort. I am truly sorry if it was a burden to you, but, you never told me what to do, what to say, or how to act. You were the first person I had met to do that. You added a bit of excitement to my ordered life. All the Gundam pilots did. I guess that’s why I always tried to help all of you in anyway I could. To keep you all in my life. And, in a way to give you back something you all gave me.”
Hero looked at her and, for possibly the first time in his life, confusion slipped through his emotional barrier and crossed his face. “Give us back something?”
“Hope. You gave me hope. Hope that, one day, I could be something. That peace would come about so that no one would have to suffer any longer.” She could feel herself slip farther into the depression that lay deep inside of her. “I’ve never been able to think on my own. I think that I’ve become so accustomed to having others think for me, that I can’t think on my own even if I tried. I think I have become dependent on others. I never wanted that, but, I truly believe that now, I wouldn’t be able to function properly independently. I wouldn’t know how. Is that how it is with you?” She innocently asked him, picking up her heavy head and looking at him. Tears streamed out her eyes and down her face. “Have you been a soldier so long that you do not know how to live otherwise?” She looked down again. “Well, at least I know that my feelings are my own. Sometimes, I wish you could feel something other than what the war had shown you. Though, I myself do not know true happiness. I don’t think I’d know what to do with it if I had it.” Thoughts she had often thought surfaced and ran across her mind. She curled her legs up into the chair and rolled into a ball.
“Why can’t anyone hate me? Why does everyone love me, or say they do? Why must I always get these empty compliments? They mean nothing! Why can’t I mean nothing?” Her sobs became louder as she shook violently. “Sometimes, I wonder why you never killed me. You had plenty of chances. I’ve often tried to come up with reasons why you never did it. And sometimes, more often that not, I wish you had been able to kill me.” She picked up her head and looked directly at him through tear filled eyes. “Why couldn’t you kill me? Why can’t you hate me?” She screamed. She lowered her head back down and hugged herself tighter, crying unstoppable.
‘Well, this is certainly a different turn of events.’
Shut up!
‘Are we going to go into this again?’
I never expected her to say something like that.
‘Of course not. No one would. What she said was right. No one knows her. And I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even know herself.’
She…WANTED me to kill her?
‘Probably still does. She’s probably wishing you would just pull the trigger right now.’
I can’t do that.
‘And why not? What’s stopping the Perfect Soldier from killing one more person?’
I…I…
”I don’t know.”
“Don’t know what?” Relena’s dead voice called from the folds of her nightgown and limbs.
“I don’t know… why… I couldn’t kill you.” He answered through measured voice.
“You don’t know? It was your job. And now look. Your job is to protect me. Well, I commend you for your great job at protecting my body.” Relena sobbed one last time and stood up, unfolding her legs from the chair. Keeping her arms around herself, she stepped towards her room, looking back over her shoulder. “Thank you Heero Yuy, for listening to me. You do not have to worry about, coming to work tomorrow. I will be taking a sick day. Do not worry; I will be confining myself to my room. I will not leave.”
‘Ok, kid, it’s time to act. STOP being a soldier and DO something for once! You’ve protected her the whole time from assassins, now it’s time to protect her from herself!’
When you feel all alone And the world has turned its back on you Give me a moment please To tame your wild wild heart
A dark look passed over Heero’s face as he saw the dead look in Relena’s eyes and heard her bland words. He jumped up from his perch and, with quick strides, pulled in front of her and blocked her path into her room. “My job? Work? You think this is work for me?”
Relena sighed. “Heero, I do not know what I think anymore. Now, please, let me inside.” She tried sidestepping him, but he moved in front of her once again. She looked up into his stern yet concerned face. Concern? For me? Why? No, it must be something else. Pity, probably. Relena stared unemotionally back at him.
“Didn’t Sally tell you anything? I CHOSE to be your bodyguard. I didn’t want Sally and Wufei assigning anyone else to protect you.” He sighed and unfolded his arms, placing his hands on her shoulders and looked directly into her eyes. “I don’t know why, but I wanted to stay by you. I still do. Don’t ask me why or how, but I believe in you. I always have, and I always will.”
“You…didn’t want anyone else protecting me? Why?”
Heero sighed. “I…”
‘Just tell her! Tell her the truth!’ Heero remembered the day when he went to Wufei and Sally to become her bodyguard. To this day, he could still remember the exact words he had said to them. ‘Well, if you can still remember those words, tell her that! If you can’t explain it any other way…’
“I…” Relena looked up at him expectantly, unconsciously taking a small step towards him.
“Yes?”
“I…wanted to protect you, because that’s…the only way I could say…thank you.” If the voice in Heero’s head could have made motions, it would be slapping its’ forehead now.
‘Dummy!’
“Thank me?”
“Yes. I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done.” He sighed and closed his eyes, and, lowering his voice, added, “And…I wanted to be able to stay beside you.” This shocked Relena.
“What?”
Sighing again, he picked up his head and looked back at her, directly into her eyes. “Yes, mainly because I wanted to stay by your side. It was as you said. I don’t know how to live a normal life. I do know, however, that I was willing to try, but…I only wanted it with you.” Relena’s eyes flew open and her jaw dropped. Hero granted himself with a slight smile.
“But I…” She started.
He smiled that small smile again, remembering something he liked to think about every once in awhile. “After Marymaya was defeated, and I was taken to the hospital, I saw you sitting by a window one of the times that I woke up. The sun was sitting, and it cast colors all over you.” He lowered his voice, almost seeming embarrassed. “You looked like an Angel.” Relena gasped. “I left after that day in the park to think things over. Of course, I came to the decision that I always have been and always will be a soldier, possibly nothing more. I also came to terms of my feelings for you, and the others.” He quickly added. “You all mean so much to me, and there’s no real way I can show you it except for this. It’s all I know how to do. And this is the only way I can be near you, without corrupting you.”
“Corrupting me?” Heero nodded. Relena placed her hands on her hips. “You wouldn’t corrupt me! Dorothy has already tried to do that countless amount of times. And has she succeeded?” Heero shook his head. “Well then…what does that tell you?”
“Huh?” He looked at her, confused.
“That means I can’t be easily corrupted. You know how easily she can manipulate people. And I’ve been through the same war, Heero. No, I haven’t fought the same way you have, but all comes out just the same.”
Heero looked her over quickly, and thought about it for a moment.
‘She’s right again.’
I know. That’s why she’s mine.
‘Bout damn time ya admitted it!’ Heero smiled down at Relena and pulled her towards him. Relena, startled for a moment, slipped her arms around his waist, and, sighing contently, rested her cheek against his chest. Heero bent his down and rested it against hers.
“So, where does this leave us?” She asked, muffled against him.
“Standing outside on your balcony, hugging in the cold weather?” Relena giggled.
“Smart ass. As if you actually feel the coldness.”
“Not really. But I’m very sure you do. You’re freezing. Why don’t you go inside now and go to sleep?”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
‘For once! Wahoo!’
Shut up.
“Alright, I’ll go to sleep.” She gave him a little squeeze, then reluctantly let go. “I’ll see you later.” She stood on tiptoe and pecked him on the cheek. It was Heero’s turn to widen his eyes.
Let me be the one you call If you jump I'll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn You're not alone
Turning a little, he faced her reseeding figure. “I’ll be here tomorrow, same time as usual.”
“I’m still taking the day off.”
“I know.” He said with a mischievous smile. “I’m putting in overtime.”
The End…
I think…
Maybe…
Disclaimers: Well, lets see..I own every Gundam character and all the places they were in the story. I created Gundam Wing….It’s mine!! All MINE!!! MWUAHAHAHA..ha..hee..heh..umm..well, actually, it’s not. Course I don’t own Gundam! It’s politics! I HATE politics!!!! Love the Gundams though ::Ichi-gou mutters..yeah right…:: Well, anyway, as I said, don’t own Gundam, the characters, ect… Or the song!! Almost forgot bout the song! AGGHHH!! And it’s a Savage Garden song too!!!! How could I forget it?!?!?! I LOVE SG!!!! ::drools:: umm..anyway…yeah..comments anyone?!? Ohh..I don’t consider this a songfic only cause it’s sooo damn long, and usually songs fics are short, and I cannot for the life of me write anything short…relatively…J Damn, the spell check is HELL to get through! Comments, questions, complaints? Just wanna bug me? E-mail me at GodesDeathscythe[ AT ]aol.com. Hope ya enjoyed it!! Bai bai!