You all know that story about Shinigami, right? How she was this “angel” that saved Duo when the church was blown up? How she gave up her life for him, so that he could become Shinigami. A goddess become god. You know the story. Just a story right? I’m here to tell you that it’s NOT just a story. Shinigami was real, and she still is.
“We have confirmation. Execution on my mark.”
“You really plan on blowing up the building Colonel? Isn’t that a bit extreme?”
“These are extreme times private. It’s us or them, you know that.”
“Yes sir.”
There was a war going on down on Earth.
You may think that a little war down on Earth isn’t as bad as the one we fought in space, but a war is still a war.
It was one of those old fashioned terrorist groups, like back in 2004 when the United States was fighting with Iraq. I remember reading about those wars in history books when I was just a kid. I never thought I’d see the day when a war was fought with guns and dynamite instead of Gundams and Mobile Suits, but here it was.
There was a terrorist group in Russia, demanding that a new Czar be put into power. They were bombing countries that held the most power, the United States, the United Kingdom, and Japan.
“Are the explosives in place?”
“Yes Colonel.”
“Detonation in 10 seconds.”
“Colonel! Colonel! Cease-fire! Do not execute!”
“Are you crazy Corporal!?”
“Sir, Lieutenant Maxwell and his team have not yet returned!”
“I received word that they were all back at base!”
“Negative sir. Lieutenant Maxwell is still inside.”
Of course once we got word we all enlisted to fight. Well, most of us anyway. Trowa, Duo, and Wufei made it in. Quatre was too busy with the family business and politics to join. And me, well it was just my luck that I was diagnosed with the flu and was denied enrolling privileges.
I said goodbye to Duo and watched him board the shuttle to Earth.
That was one month ago.
“Dammit, how did I get stuck with a headstrong Gundam Pilot? Team 2, get in there and get him out!”
“That’s a negative sir.”
“What’s that?”
“Well Colonel, sir. The 10-second time limit you set it . . . the building, well . . . it’s gone sir.”
“New plan then. I want Teams 2, 3, 5, and 8 in there. Search the rubble for any survivors. Terrorists are to be taken prisoner. As for Lieutenant Maxwell . . .”
“Sir?”
“Duo Maxwell is your top priority! You find him even if you have to strip search that area till dawn tomorrow!”
I used to get letters from Duo all the time.
He would talk about how war on Earth was different than the space war. He didn’t miss having to go undercover at prepatory schools, but he wasn’t too fond of sitting around in tents and having to sludge around in the sewers to stay undetected either. He missed being able to sit down in a cafe on a colony somewhere and eat lunch without being recognized because he looked like an ordinary teenager, instead he had to eat boxes of rice and suck gelatinous imitation food from a tube. He joked about how different a tank was from Deathscythe, and that he was so horrible at it that he had to let a private drive for him. What he mentioned most was how he preferred to be part of the Gundam team with just four other friends, than being the leader of a team of twenty guys he didn’t even know the first names of.
But one day the letters stopped. I constantly wondered why he didn’t write to me anymore. I couldn’t contact the base or anybody who knew him. Trowa was an undercover spy and couldn’t converse with anyone unless he was back at base. Wufei was too busy training new recruits to know much about what happened outside the base. So I was left to myself and to my prayers.
It was another month before the war ended, and still there was no word from Duo. I started to think that maybe he had died. But then I wondered why no one had told me, why no one had come to me with his uniform or his remains. Then I thought, Duo wouldn’t die in a war like this. We were Gundam Pilots for God sakes, didn’t that mean anything? Sure we weren’t invincible, but we were far better than the average soldier was, far better than any old fashioned wanna be terrorist was.
Then, four days after the end of the war. It all started.
I was sitting on the couch, reading a book Quatre had recommended.
Quatre had actually bought the house Duo and I lived in. He got this huge amount of money from stock investments and insisted on buying us all homes. We all live on the same colony, but the atmosphere design of each floor kinda makes it seem like we live worlds apart. Trowa chose something in the country, he lives on Level 1, it’s nice, big grassy back yard, a pond, indoor heated pool, tennis court, and garden. Oh yeah, he’s got three golden retrievers, hence the big back yard. Wufei picked something in the city, a manor made of glass and ceramics, he lives on Level 5. He filled it with Chinese artifacts. I hear he’s got a girlfriend now. Duo and I settled for something by the beach. It’s one story, but covers some land. Three bed, even though we only use one, gourmet kitchen, patio with hot tub, two baths, and a massive glass skylight living room. We live on Level 2. But enough about that.
There was a knock at the front door, I wasn’t expecting anyone, but I got up to answer it anyway. I knew it wasn’t a salesman, I took care of that problem a long time ago. I thought ran through my head that it might be Duo, but he wouldn’t knock, he would just barge in and announce he had come back. Wouldn’t he?
“Can I help you?” I asked as I opened the door.
Standing there was an American soldier, he was trimmed and in a really nice uniform. He just stood there and stared at me. I guess this guy couldn’t believe that this nineteen year old kid - me - was the genuine pilot of Wing Zero who had saved Earth’s ass.
“Are you Heero Yuy?”
“Hai, I am.”
He lifted something up about chest height. I looked at it for a few seconds, unable to speak. He was holding the Japanese flag, it was folded in this fancy sorta way, and there was also a Purple Heart positioned on top. I knew the American military custom, a soldier in command presents the flag to you when your son, or husband, or family member of some sort had died in battle. I took it from him, my hands shaking violently. Did this mean that Duo was dead? I looked the man square in the eye, tears welling up in my own.
“You wanna tell me what this means?” I asked, trying not to choke on my words.
He started to spill out in his military trained voice. “I present these articles to you, Heero Yuy, life partner of Lieutenant Duo Maxwell, as a sign of our gratitude. Lieutenant Maxwell was a hero in the war between our powers and the Russian terrorists. If it were not for him, we would not have made the progress that we did and surely we would still be fighting.”
I hugged the flag to my face, trying to stifle my sobs. I didn’t want to hear this.
“He is a genuine hero and a real trooper if I may ad sir.”
I looked up from the white cloth I held tightly to my face, “Did- did you say ‘is?’”
“Affirmative sir.” He turned to the side, and there he was.
There was Duo. It wasn’t quite how I expected him to come home; he was in a wheelchair. Luckily he didn’t have any other wounds. He looked at me and smiled, his big violet eyes shining.
“Yo.”
I dropped the flag and ornament on the ground, my tears of sorrow immediately turning to tears of joy. “Duo!” I ran to him, skidding to my knees as I flung my arms around him. I almost pushed the chair over, both of would have toppled to the ground in the sand, but I didn’t care. “Thank God, thank God you’re all right! I didn’t get any letters from you! I was so worried!”
“Heero don’t cry. You’ll make me cry.” He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight.
“It truly is a privilege to have Lieutenant Maxwell alive and well.”
That’s when I got mad. I stopped crying and turned to the soldier, rage burning in my eyes. “Don’t you ever say what a privilege it is to have him alive! You don’t know what you’re talking about! You have no idea, what kind of crap we went through for you!”
“Heero don’t.”
The soldier just stood there, swallowing my words. I bet he got yelled at like this in training, well I could dish out more than any commander could, just by having a bad day. “We barely escaped death a million times, sat on the edge of insanity, and God knows what else just so you could have a life free from OZ! You get that pal? I risk my life in the atmosphere to blow up a piece of a colony, just so you could come to my home and lead me to believe that my friend and fellow pilot had died!?” I clenched a fist and recoiled my arm. He stood firm, he figured I couldn’t throw a punch like his commander, well he figured wrong. I let that sucker go and nailed him right in the cheek. He flew back and smashed into the wall. He sat there, completely dazed; I probably knocked his brain inside out with that punch.
“Heero that’s enough.” I looked at Duo. He sat there with a slight grin. He knew what I meant, how I felt, so he wasn’t going to scold me. He was serious about me not picking on the guy anymore though, so I stopped.
The soldier stood, still a little out of it and spoke up again, “Mr. Yuy. I apologize for perhaps ruining a joyful reunion, but there is something we need to discuss.”
I got behind the wheelchair and started pushing Duo inside; “I’ve had enough of you being here. Nothing can be so important that I have to endure your presence.”
He put a strong hand on my arm, “Mr. Yuy, we MUST talk. It’s very important. I’m sure Lieutenant Maxwell will agree.”
I looked at him, then at Duo. He had his face tilted down with a look on his face that was something like shame or maybe fear, I wasn’t sure. So I agreed to talk to him.
I was told about the accident. I couldn’t believe Duo was in the building when it blew up, but the fact that he survived wasn’t the weird part. When they found Duo, he was miraculously in one piece. He didn’t have a single cut or bruise on him. Duo was, however, unconscious and had to be rushed to the hospital on base. He was in a coma for the remainder of the war. That’s why he was in the wheelchair, his motor skills had crapped out on him while in the coma and he was going to have to learn how to walk again. Doctors were baffled; Duo hadn’t suffered any head trauma so there was no explanation for the coma. During the first week of cat scans the doctors found something that was purely unexplainable.
Duo had two completely different brainwave patterns.
After the first week, the second wave vanished. Doctors are scientific people, they don’t believe in spirits possessing the human body. Well, maybe they should.
Duo couldn’t explain how he made it out alive. Duo couldn’t explain how he made it without a scratch. Duo couldn’t explain why he had to brainwaves, instead of just one.
But as I watched him, I got the feeling Duo knew more than he was letting on.
The first few weeks were hard. I want to say it was hard for both of us, but in reality it probably was harder for Duo. It was hard for me emotionally, but for him it was both emotional and physical. We would get phone calls and letters saying that Duo had to report to therapy, you know, to learn how to walk again, but he wouldn’t go. He said he wanted me to teach him, he felt comfortable with me. He knew how much I could push him because we both went thru the same kind of training and I knew what he could handle.
None of the training we ever went through could make us ready for this.
He cried alot. He fell down alot. He screamed alot. He threw fits and cursed at himself alot. We were excited when he took his first real three steps all by himself, but then he fell down and vomited.
“You’re doing alot better Duo.” I told him as I wheeled him into the living room.
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“I am not, Duo. You walked to the closet this morning didn’t you?”
“Four steps woo hoo. I still can’t make it to the bathroom by myself, you still have to hold me up in the shower, and I can’t even make it from the kitchen table to the fridge.”
“Duo . . .” I hated seeing him like this. He used to be so happy and energetic, you know? “Well then, we’ll just have to practice until you can.” I parked his chair in the living room and went to stand at the other end of the room, a good ten paces. “We’re gonna stay right here until you can walk to me.”
“Heero, we both know that isn’t going to happen.”
“Pilot 02, Duo Maxwell!” His head perked up at this. “You’re mission is to take ten simple steps across this room to Pilot 01, Heero Yuy. Failure is not acceptable! If you do not accomplish your mission the first time, you are to start again. Do you understand?”
He grinned, the way he used to, “Understood.” He sat for a minute or two, judging the distance, then gripping hard on the armrests he pushed himself up. “Phase 1 complete.” Duo couldn’t stand up straight, but that was okay. He also couldn’t stand in one place for too long or his knees would buckled and fall over. He took his first step, then another, and another. He made it five steps before crashing to the ground.
I didn’t move I just stood and watched. When he didn’t move I spoke out again, “You only made it to Phase 2, Pilot 02. You cannot fail your mission.”
Duo crawled back to the chair and pulled himself back up. He then turned to face me, “Phase 1 complete.” I held out my arms, hoping to encourage him. He took the first step, another, another . . . seven steps, but then he stopped.
“Don’t stop Duo, you’ll fall down. Just three more.”
“What is my mission?” I looked at him, feeling sad for him. “WHAT IS MY MISSION!?”
That’s when I smiled, “You’re mission is to take ten simple steps across this room to Pilot 01, Heero Yuy.”
After hearing that he took those last few steps. On the ninth step he looked at me, “Phase 2 complete.” With the last step he fell into me gripping my shoulders and I wrapped my arms around his back to hold him up. “Phase 3 complete.”
“Mission Accomplished.”
He looked at me smiling, “Heero, I want another mission.”
Things got easier after that. Soon he was walking all by himself; he tired out a little quicker than he would have like, but soon that too went away.
Now, I want you to understand something. Just because things got better, doesn’t mean they got easier. Sure there wasn’t anything wrong with his body, but there was something wrong with his mind. Remember how I said earlier that when he came home is when it all started? Well, now that he could walk and do things on his own it all turned scary.
They were just mild things at first, if you want to call them mild. Some nights I would wake up to hear him talking in his sleep, like he was having a conversation with someone, but the words didn’t make sense. Sometimes I would wake up and he’d be there pacing the room holding his Rosary and chanting the Hail Mary quietly to himself. Sometimes I would catch him in the bathroom after taking a shower and he’d be looking into the fogged up mirror talking to his reflection. Sometimes I’d see him staring out the window, claiming he just saw a woman with white hair and wearing a russet red dress strolling along the shore of the beach.
Now if you’re wondering why I call these thing mild, is because I went thru some of the same things after the war. It’s like conscience trauma. You feel bad for what you’ve done and you express it through insomnia and hallucinations. It’s usually nothing serious. But with Duo it was, I should have noticed, I should have done something. Because soon it got worse. My nightmare began.
It all started when the colony’s weather schedule called for a drop in temperature, down to maybe 70 degrees. We decided to make a romantic evening out of it. We took the cover off the hot tub and fired it up, we had wine . . . red wine, that’s Duo’s favorite . . . and the stereo echoed with the melodies of “L’Arc~en~Ciel.”
“Duo, why not let your hair down huh?” I floated over to him, reaching for the hair-tie that bound his chestnut brown locks.
“Hey hey hey, no touching the braid!” He sloshed away; “Besides, I’ve got more hair than there is room in this hot tub.”
I took a sip from my wineglass then persisted after him, “But I love your hair. It’s like an angel’s; so long, thick, and beautiful.”
“Heero, drunken flattery will get you nowhere.” He laughed enjoying the little game as much as I was.
“I’m not drunk.” I scowled, closing in on him.
“You must at least be tipsy. The Perfect Soldier I know isn’t this loose, unless of course he gets liquored up.” Duo drank from his glass and reached out to stroke me underneath my chin, taunting me, luring me along.
“What? You think I can’t be romantic without getting plowed first?” With that I lunged forward, some of the water spilling over the edges, and I caught him. Not having a sturdy surface to set it on I had to hold my glass with one hand, I laced my free hand behind his neck, and then I wrapped my legs around his waist. “Now you can’t get away.” I guess I overwhelmed him.
Duo gripped his glass so tightly that it shattered in his hand. “Aww crap. . .” Pieces of glass fell to the patio and wine trickled down his hand.
“It’s all right.” I playfully licked the wine from his skin; “I’ll get something to clean it up with.” I climbed out of the hot tub and went inside leaving Duo alone. Bad idea. When I came back I noticed he was submerged in the water, I figured he was just soaking . . . Duo likes to do that, he’ll take long showers just to feel the hot water run down his face . . . so I didn’t think much of it. After a minute or two, when I finished cleaning up the glass, I realized he still hadn’t come up. I looked into the hot tub and saw him there, lying on the bottom, not a single bubble escaping his lips or nostrils.
That’s when it hit me.
“Duo!” I reached in and pulled him out, laying him flat on his back. “Duo! Duo wake up! Wake up!” I tried shaking him, I tried slapping his face, but nothing worked. I opened his mouth, held his nose, and forced air into his lungs. CPR is never fun, I started to push on his chest, it’s really nasty because all the bones and cartilage shift around when you do this and it makes a gross sound. “1..2…3…4… c’mon Duo.” I breathed into him and pushed again and again and again. Pressing my mouth to his I exhaled strongly into his body once more; finally my efforts were rewarded. His eyes shot open, I heard a gurgle kind of sound, and the next thing I knew there was the hot taste of vomit in my mouth. I immediately drew back, spitting it out, and then I had to turn Duo’s head to the side so he wouldn’t choke on it.
When he finished throwing up he moaned then looked to me, “Heero . . . what- what happened?” His eyes were different, it made me uneasy. I’d never seen him that way before; it was like an expression of hated loneliness somehow. “Heero?”
“You drowned or . . . were drowning Duo. Just like that, during the thirty seconds I was gone, you went under and that was it.” I tried to hide my shaking, tried to hide the fear in my voice.
“I must’ve had too much to drink . . .”
“Duo, you only had half a glass.”
“Well, that’s what friends are for . . . to look out for each other, right Heero?”
“Yeah . . . friends look out for each other.”
That was only the beginning. The tip of the iceberg if you will. If Duo were the Titanic, he already had the rip, now he was jus filling up with water.
I will admit that I made a mistake by not keeping an eye on him. But it had been two or three days since he drown and nothing else had happened, so I just blew it off. He kept talking in his sleep, and he woke up more often in the middle of the night. I would ask him if he wanted to talk about it, but he always said it was just a bad dream, or he was just hungry, or that he just had to use the bathroom. I only believed him half the time.
One day it started again.
“The Red Jacket series is so much better then the Green Jacket series.”
“You’re just saying that because it’s more humorous.”
“Well duh. Lupin is a lot more lovable in Red Jacket.”
We were hanging out inside that day; it was too hot out, even to go swimming. Duo had bought the Lupin III Red Jacket series box set the other day and we were debating which was better.
“A show needs sustenance Duo, it needs a plot. You can’t just throw four characters into a show without something for them to do.”
“But there is a plot!”
“Oh yeah. A straight-shooter, a samurai, a huge breasted girl, and a cocky Japanese guy running around trying to not get arrested by a nonsense detective is a plot.” I rolled my eyes. Overall I didn’t care for either series, but if I had to choose, I would pick the Green Jacket series.
“But even the creator himself prefers the Red Jacket series!” Duo argued, whining loudly right in my ear.
“Duo, you’re taking sides with a guy whose publishing company is called ‘Monkey Punch.’”
“So?” He looked at me with his puppy dog eyes, his most powerful weapon against me. But as if that wasn’t enough he pouted his bottom lip out and made this little weepy sound. I had lost the battle.
“Alright alright, you win. You American’s will do anything won’t you?”
“Yup. That’s why we won WW2!” He bounced on the couch and beamed.
“You just got lucky is all . . . besides, that was over 1500 years ago. No one cares anymore.”
“And yooouu are just a sore loser.” He got up and went to the kitchen. I didn’t watch him. I should have. Instead I gazed out the window, watching the clouds go by. I heard the sound of a jug being set on the counter, and the sound of a cap being screwed off, then the sound of liquid being poured into a glass. He came back carrying a plastic cup.
When he sat down next to me I noticed a peculiar scent. I sniffed the air with a puzzled look on my face. “Do you smell that?”
“Smell what?”
“I’m not sure, it smells like . . . the dishwasher . . .”
“I don’t smell anything.” He licked his lips, “I love milk.”
As he raised the cup to his mouth I took a look, at first it looked like milk. It was white and kinda thick but it quickly dawned on me what he was really about drink. “Don’t!” My hand shot out like a viper striking its prey. The cup fell to the floor and the liquid spilled into a steak puddle.
He shot a look at me, “What the hell is wrong with you!?”
“That isn’t milk Duo!”
“So what is it then genius!?” He knelt down on the floor to pick up the cup.
“It’s detergent, for dishes.”
When he realized that I was right he got that bitter lonesome look in his eyes again and he got real quiet, “Whaddya know, it is detergent.”
I looked at the toxic cleaner that had soaked into the carpet then at him, “Why on earth were going to drink it Duo?”
“I didn’t know it was detergent,” he answered quietly.
“But you poured it into the glass. And we keep the detergent under the sink, milk in the fridge, how did you not know?”
“I don’t know.” He got up with the empty cup in hand and headed for the kitchen, “But that’s what friends are for . . . to look out for each other, right Heero?”
“Right.”
I wasn’t going to ignore it anymore. I knew this was serious. Duo wasn’t the suicidal type; he was too content with life. I was scared, scared I would lose him. But the thing that scared me most was that we couldn’t find any rhyme or reason for it. Every time I caught him in a suicide attempt he said he didn’t even realize he was doing anything.
Nights got worse. He finally opened up to me about the bizarre conversations he would have with himself. We were both sleeping peacefully when the silence of the night was broken by his screams. I jumped awake and sat up in bed, with the help of the moonlight I could see him next to me. Duo was curled up in a little ball where he sat, his hands over his face, and he trembled violently. I asked him what was wrong and placed my hand on his shoulder, but that only managed to send him into a frenzy. He yelled “sanctuary” over and over again and demanded that his Rosary be given to him. I insisted that he calm down and tell me what was wrong but he only continued to demand for his Rosary.
I climbed behind him and snatched the beaded prayer ornament from the bedside table and thrust it into his hands, wouldn’t you know that did the trick. He quieted down real quick. For a moment or two he rubbed the little crucifix between his fingers. Once again I asked if he would tell me what happened. He told me it was the same nightmare he’d been having since he came home from the war. It was always him and a woman. A woman with white hair, a russet dress, and red-violet eyes. She seemed familiar to him somehow, but he could never remember her. She would always speak to him in Latin and he would speak to her in English. They would have an extended conversation, but no matter what they spoke about it always ended in her screaming to him, demanding he give “it” back, but he didn’t know what “it” was. Right before he woke up he said she would attack him, overpowering him easily. She would be choking him or beating him.
As I watched him, it became painfully obvious that this was a problem and the fact that we didn’t have a solution to this problem only made it worse. The more he talked about her the weirder it got. I noticed the air change around his face, there were little white puffs every time he exhaled. This didn’t make sense; it was at least 87 degrees out that night and 80 degrees in our house. None the less I drew him in, he didn’t feel cold but he shivered as if he was.
“Duo, will you cut up the fish for dinner?”
It has now been three months since Duo returned from the war on Earth.
“Sure, no problem. I’ll be in in just a sec.”
My best friend had changed right before my eyes. His psyhci has been broken down to a fragile wall between sanity and madness. Though you really wouldn’t know it just by looking at him or talking with him.
“The cutting knife is in the drawer next to the sink there.”
I didn’t bother telling the others, there wasn’t anything they could do, so why make them worry?
“I found it.” I stood next to him as I mixed the salad. Everything was going perfectly. We made plans for the next day, it was supposed to be nice out so we though we might go swimming. “Oh by the way Heero, Wufei called earlier. He’s having a little get together next week. He wants us all to meet his girlfriend. He says she’s a real Asian beauty. He thinks they may get married in a few months.”
“That’s Wufei for you, plunging headfirst into danger.” We both laughed then the phone rang, “I’ll get it.” I walked to the phone that hung on the wall in the kitchen, “Moshi moshi.—Hi Trowa.—So how are you?—Trowa I don’t want to do that.—But I’ll feel stupi- alright fine. Hi Bluke, hi Gigi, hi Coco.” I heard Duo snicker so I threw an olive at him. “Happy now?—Nah, we’re fine here. We’ve had pretty warm weather on our level.—Rain, really? Dogs must be goin crazy.”
Duo’s cutting had become lethargic, and he began playing with the blade. I kept a close eye on him while still speaking to Trowa. His eyes were hidden behind his bangs but I could see his mouth creeping into an insane grin. “Infit volo contraho per ego quondam denique.” When I heard Duo speaking in Latin my voice trailed off and I became completely occupied by him.
(He will unite with me once again)
<Heero? You there Heero?> Trowa’s voice was like a distant buzz in the background as I watched Duo position the blade at his wrist ready to make one swift bloody cut.
I dropped the phone. “DUO DON’T!” I grabbed the wrist that held the knife and I was about to take it from him.
He looked at me with pure anger and hatred in his eyes, “Nullus! Nullus! Infit volo contraho per ego!” His voice was strange. It sounded like him, but there was like a vibrating echo that followed. You know how in tekno music a singer’s voice can sound electronic? Well it was like that, only it was a woman’s voice.
“Duo snap out of it!” I found myself battling with him. I was trying desperately to get the knife away from him and at the same time not get cut myself.
“Licentia ego exsisto! Licentia ego exsisto!”
I knew enough Latin to figure that out, “No, I won’t leave you alone! I’ll help you through this!”
“Nullus!”
“Hai!” I finally wrestled the knife from him, escaping with only a slit on my ring finger. We were both on the floor, I on top of him.
Both of us were breathing heavily then he spoke up, “What are you doing? What’s with the knife?”
“You don’t know? You honestly have no idea what just happened?”
He shook his head. So with a weary sigh I told him. He became nervous and said he wanted to be by himself for a bit. I was hesitant at first but I finally let him go. <Heero!? Heero!? What the hell is going on Heero!> I heard Trowa’s voice screaming from the receiver. “Nothing, we’re fine,” I said once I picked the phone back up. “No really Duo and I are okay.—Duo was about to touch one of the burners I had turned on.—No really.” I could hear the tub running and then shut off. “Why don’t you believe me?” I don’t think even a minute went by before I got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Trowa I gotta go!” I slammed down the phone and ran to the bathroom.
“Duo? You okay in there?” I didn’t hear an answer and I wasn’t going to take the time to call him again. I rammed into the door until it busted open. Just like I thought he was submerged in the deep tub which was filled to the rim. I pulled him out, luckily I got to him quick enough that I didn’t have to resort to CPR, he snapped out of it pretty fast.
Once Duo realized what had happened he got scared again maybe even terrified. He turned over and clung to me like a newborn child. His slender wet body beard so close to mine I couldn’t help but feel the emptiness he harbored inside. Unable to speak he just cried.
I guess Shinigami was willing to try anything twice.
So like I said, it was a problem.
I had to call Trowa back that night and explain things to him. I didn’t tell him the truth though. I had to make up some story, I don’t remember what it was but it doesn’t matter anyway.
I don’t think you can be too scared of something you can’t see. Even though Duo couldn’t see Shinigami, he knew she was around, but he wasn’t frightened of her since he couldn’t see her. He was freaked out by the constant suicide attempts that he had no control over, but he wasn’t scared because he had me. He knew his best friend would keep him alive and he constantly reminded me of it.
I couldn’t leave Duo by himself anymore, I was afraid of what he might do. I wouldn’t let him drive the car because there was the possibility that he would crash. If we went to the beach I wouldn’t let him go into the water because he might drown. I couldn’t let him cook or clean or anything. True, it made life a little harder for me now that I had to do everything. Not to mention how bored Duo got during the day and we all know how Duo gets when he’s bored. He talks when he’s bored, talks alot, talks about things that don’t even make sense. He tells stories, jokes, and spits out useless information without end.
I resorted to board games hoping they would keep his interest. I decided we should play “Monopoly,” it’s a game that takes days to play and the mathematical requirements for counting out money gave Duo something to do. Plus he likes to win all the places and suck me dry. Thank God he didn’t try to eat and choke on any of the little pieces . . . I wouldn’t put it past Shinigami to try it. I was successful with this strategy for a few days, I started to think that maybe we were coming into shore. In reality Duo’s last few life boats were being cut loose.
I came home from the store one time, having left Duo at home. There weren’t any toxic cleaning chemicals in the house for him to drink, that’s one thing I had to go to the store for, I had shut off the water valve, and I hid all the knives in a shoebox in the attic. There was nothing in the house he could kill himself with. But please, let me say again: There was nothing IN THE HOUSE he could kill himself with. Turns out that while I was gone, Duo walked to the liquor store located two miles down the road from our house. He bought seven bottles of Vodka . . . pure hard Vodka. He drank two of them walking home. I guess he drank the other ones in the living room, cause that’s where I found him. I’m not sure why people drink Vodka by itself, it has no taste. He was passed out cold on the floor, a half-empty bottle clutched in his fingers. I knew it was alcohol poisoning but I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t call the hospital, I wouldn’t know how to explain any of this to them. A thousand thoughts must have raced thru my head before I picked one. I was forced to make him throw it all up. Don’t ask me how I did that . . . I don’t want to talk about it.
“Duo! I thought I told you to clean up your dishes out of the game room!” I trudged down the hall ready to chew him out. He was a slob, he really was, and those dishes had been in there for like a week. I would clean them up myself but I was pretty sure whatever was growing on that plate was gonna come to life and bite me. “Duo! You’d better not be watching T.V. when those dishes keep getting worse in there! Duo are you listen-” I heard a crunch under my feet and looked down. There were tiny pieces of glass under my foot. I continued into the living room, it looked like a bomb had gone off. All the cushions were torn off the couches and chair, there were utensils thrown everywhere, and the vase Relena had given us was smashed into a million pieces against the wall. “What is going on here?”
He was on the floor. He was facing the glass door that was located on the side of the room which led to outside. He was in a position like he was trying to back away from something. “She won’t go away.”
“Who won’t go away?”
“Can’t you see her? She’s right there!” He pointed to the door; “She’s been walking around here for like five minutes! Now she’s just standing out there staring at me!”
“Duo I don’t see anybody.”
“No! Go away! You can’t come in here, you can’t!” He started screaming at her, he picked up one of the forks that was nearby and chucked it at the door, “Leave me alone! I don’t like you! You hear me? I don’t like you!”
“Duo listen to me. There is no one there. Whoever you see can’t hurt you, she isn’t real.” I started forward. Maybe if I got close enough I could get him to calm down.
His faced paled into a really pasty white; “You gotta make her go away! She’s trying to get in! I’m scared Heero, make her go away!”
All I wanted was to make him feel safe. So I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled out my gun and started firing at the door. After the first two bullets the glass shattered and flew everywhere, but I didn’t care I just wanted to help. I fired until the barrel was empty. “Well Duo . . . is she gone?”
He was quiet for a bit then he slowly nodded, “Yeah . . . yeah she’s gone. Thanks Heero.”
So how many of you are bored with my story? If you are I don’t blame you, I’ve been pretty blunt up until now. Play-by-play right? But it’s what happened. I’m just that kind of guy.
You wanna know how I felt? How could I tell you? It was like a mother watching her child die in her arms. It was like a father watching his son get shot through the head in battle. It was like watching your best friend get hit by a freight train at full speed. It was like watching your brother get brutally beat to death. Can you associate yourself with any of that?
How did Duo feel? I don’t know. I could imagine. Maybe it was like being locked in a tiny dark room with no way out. Maybe it was like being lost in the middle of nowhere with no one to run to. Maybe it was suffocating or drowning; you know the end is coming but the process is so slow and painful that you can’t help but be pissed off and scared out of your mind at the same time. Maybe it was like being backed into a corner. Maybe it was like having a pole rammed through you but no matter how hard you pulled you couldn’t get it out. Maybe it was like you felt as if you had strings attached to you as someone else controlled your life like a puppet, but you could never see them or fight back. I could go on, but I won’t.
If I had to choose an analogy that best described what happened to him next, I would have to say it was the master and puppet. Shinigami tightened those strings as tightly as she could. He stopped eating, not like he wanted to. He lost his appetite one day, he kept eating though, but then he lost any and all desire to eat anything. I managed to force feed him a couple times, little things like bread or fruit, but soon I couldn’t even manage that. Duo was wasting away to nothing right before my eyes. I’ve never seen anyone get so thin so fast . . . it was her doing . . . I knew it.
He stopped sleeping with me one night too. He moved himself into the guest bedroom. I asked him why he was doing this; he said it was because he was sick of me. I knew that wasn’t true, that was her talking, not Duo. When I tried coaxing him back she just made him bitter and he became hateful towards me. He barked hurtful words to me for no reason. We would be watching T.V. and he could start cursing me, screaming words of scorn right in my face. I never took any of it to heart. Shinigami was trying to get rid of me because I was the one thing that stood between her and my best friend. I never knew how cold a bed could get when you sleep alone without the warmth of a friend. Some nights I thought I would cry. Duo did, I could hear him. His sobs echoing through the hallways and into the emptiness of the night, but she wouldn’t let him come. That is a real demon.
So you want to know how it all turns out? You want to hear the end of my story? Well . . .
Shinigami had forced Duo to keep himself isolated in his room for two days. I had had enough. I was going to get to the bottom of this and save him from whatever demon plagued him. I knew the story of Shinigami, but I had never thought much of it. I always assumed it was one of Duo’s fairy tales, but this was the day I was forced to face the truth.
I took the walk down the halls to the back of the house where the guestroom was. I knocked on the door expecting to at least hear him scream at me, but there was no response. I didn’t have the patience to put up with this so I just barged in. I never expected what I found. You know that old movie, The Exorcist? It was kinda like that. It was freezing in that room; there was this haze that hung heavily in the room. I rubbed my eyes and shook my head a few times, surely this wasn’t real, stuff like this didn’t happen. But it was. I could see my breath and feel the cold air force past me as if it were trying to push me out the door; there was even frost on the window. Sunlight poured in through the window but it was quickly drowned out by the shadows that loomed about.
Duo sat in the far corner of the room, I started forward. I was ready to yank him out of this unhealthy pointless state of depression, but as I got closer I started to see a black shadow around him. It was the purest of blacks, a living aura that was consuming. I stood not four inches from him and just stared.
“Heero . . .” He was quiet and that same irritating feminine echo followed his words.
“Duo, what’s happening?” I asked, my voice trembling a bit as the cold bit harder at my flesh.
“She’s come back, after all these years.”
“Duo”
“She’s here right now, watching me.” He started to chuckle, “Heheh . . . She wants to take me back. She’s in the shadows, whispering in the darkness. Heheheheh.”
“Who?” I knelt down, trying to see into his eyes.
“You know who Heero. I am her and she is me. But she wants to be whole again. Heheh . . with my life she will again be . . . Shinigami.”
“No Duo . . .” I was sure he had gone insane. “She isn’t real. That was just a story. A story you made up right? You- you are Shinigami. You named yourself that right?” He didn’t respond and at that point I found myself going a bit insane. “Right Duo!?”
“Heero look around you. How can you deny the fact that she is here?”
“Duo, please, listen to reason!”
“Then you deny any reason to my existence!?” That’s when I saw her. The black shadow that had surrounded him took shape behind him and that’s when I saw her. I still hate saying it to this very day, but Shinigami was a living being. She was just as Duo had described her. She had long white hair like snow, her dress was frayed like a banshee’s, and I’ve never seen eyes like hers before. The color was so rich and deep. She was beautiful, intoxicatingly beautiful. I could only look on in awe. I had to come to terms with reality. “You are a troublesome boy. Everything I want has been in my grasp and yet you were there to take it away!”
“Leave him alone!” My demand was in vain so I tried I different approach, “Licentia infit exsisto!” Shinigami only laughed. She leaned forward against Duo and wrapped her arms around him; one hand seeped into his cheek and the other into his chest. “Don’t you touch him!” I pulled out my gun and was ready to fire.
“Strike me down and I shall take him with me,” she said with a smile. I didn’t have a choice. She had laced herself so deeply into him and she was ready to rip out his soul at the drop of a hat.
“Please let him go. He wouldn’t want this.” I slowly lowered my gun.
“How do you know that?” I looked at her, confused. “What makes you believe that he is happy here with you? Maybe I know that he would rather die than live an unfulfilled life with you. Why should he live in this world with a man who does not love him?”
“But I do love him . . . he knows that.”
“Does he? Have you ever said it?”
That was a devastating blow, the truth always is. Not once had I ever told Duo that I loved him. “Well no . . . but I’ve always been affectionate.”
“So are those we have affairs with. There is no love.” She nuzzled his neck, but not in a sweet way, it was disgusting like lust. “I could give him all the love he ever wanted. All he has to do is come with me and we can be together for the rest of eternity. Would you not like that Duo?”
His head twitched and he mumbled nonsense words.
“You just want him for yourself! You won’t love him. You’re just greedy for his soul!”
“He would never have to know. Once in my hands he will have no need for worry or for thought. Just an eternal sense of satisfaction.”
I could tell she was ready. Any second she could steal away his soul and I would be left with an empty shell. You can’t love an empty shell . . . well, maybe you can . . . but it wouldn’t be the same. If I was to save him I had to let my feelings go. “Duo, you have to listen to me! You cannot go with her!” I grabbed his shoulders and shook him. She smiled like she was mocking me but I wasn’t gonna take it. “I’m sorry I never said it before. I didn’t think words were important. I thought you just always knew how I felt, but I guess it was senseless flirting to you.” His head perked up so I went on. “Don’t leave me alone here Duo. I can’t live without you. You are my whole world; I had something to look forward to after the space war because you were there.”
“Just more words. Words cannot fill your heart. Leave him behind and join me,” she coaxed sweetly into his ear. She was like a siren luring him into the rocks.
If I couldn’t push her away without losing Duo at least I could hold on, so I wrapped my arms tightly around him and drew him close to myself, “I won’t lose you to this witch. Not to this demoness.”
“You will not take from me what is mine!” She removed her arm from his chest and struck me. Shinigami slapped me clear across the cheek; her fingers pierced my skin leaving four bloody marks. Her touch was cold, like getting pummeled with a frozen solid snowball.
I could feel Duo coming back to life in my arms. His body warming, the color coming back into his face, he even managed to take a glance up at me. “Heero . . . I have to go.”
“No you don’t! You can’t! You have to stay here with me! You have to!” I knew I sounded selfish but it was how I felt. “Duo I love you!”
“Really?” He moved slightly trying to bring his arms up around me.
“Yes really! With all my heart and all my soul. I love you so much. I’m so sorry I never said it before, but now I don’t think I could tell you enough. I love you. I love you. I love you!”
He smiled sweetly, kindly, like he used to. “Thank you Heero. That is all I ever wanted to hear from you.
That was the last straw for Shinigami. If she couldn’t have Duo while I was around then she would have to get rid of me. It wouldn’t be difficult; she was the goddess of death after all. “You filthy wretched boy!” Relieving her death grip on Duo she came after me, tackling me to the floor. “I have no problems with taking out other souls to get what I want!” Immediately her hands were in me, she was elbow deep in my belly. That cold chill I felt since I came into the room sprang to life. My flesh felt like it was getting struck by millions of little ice needles. My body was going numb and all I could think about was how much it hurt. “You will pay for robbing me of my possession!” I was sure she was tearing my insides apart and turning them inside out. Was this what it was like to die? To get your soul stolen from you?
We all know Duo’s Catholic, but whoever thought it would come in handy? Just as I was sure I was going to die I heard his voice, “In the name of Jesus Christ I banish thee from my home!” I felt some relief when she took her hands out of me, but I was still freezing. The next I felt was the weight of Duo’s body on top of mine and I knew he was trying to protect me. I had lost faith at this point, I had given up and assumed she would just take us both and that was fine with me. But I guess it wasn’t fine for Duo. His voice sounded distant like a whisper but I’m sure he was screaming, “We believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth; and in Jesus Christ, His only son, our Lord.” I recognized the prayer; it was the Apostles’ Creed. “I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of Saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting.”
There was the sound of a woman screaming and then silence. It was over. There was no more chill in the air, no more shadows, no more darkness. It was just Duo and I. He got out without much damage, only a bruise on his cheek and slight chest pains for the next few hours. The damage I received wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. There were of course the four cuts on my cheek and I actually two wounds in my belly, but a few days in bandages fixed it right up. When we were sure we were safe he rose up and looked down at me. “We did it,” he said.
“Seems that way.”
“You saved my life Heero.”
“That’s what friends are for, to look out for each other. Right Duo?”
He laughed light heartedly, “Right Heero.”