Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it’s characters are not mine.
Shinigami
Scene 1
Sarah (narrate): The boy stood up. He had been changed. His wore black clothes. His hair no longer hid his face, it was now pulled back into a tight braid. His violet eyes gleamed with new passion. And in his hands was the beautiful scythe that had set him free.
Duo: … …
Sarah: Um, hello? Duo that‘s your cue.
Duo: I can‘t remember my line.
Sarah: Oi, it’s one line. “I am Shinigami.” Let’s do it again.
Scene 5, Take 2
Sarah (narrate): The boy stood up. He had been changed. His wore black clothes. His hair no longer hid his face, it was now pulled back into a tight braid. His violet eyes gleamed with new passion. And in his hands was the beautiful scythe that had set him free.
Duo: … …
Sarah: Duo!
Duo: I’m sorry!
Sarah: Can we get him a cue card or something?
Carnival Crush
Scene 1
Wufei: There’s nothing to do.
Trowa: Yes, nothing much has really happened around here lately. Spring has come but it doesn’t bring any excitement to our lives. ::gently runs hand through Quatre’s hair::
Duo (sings): Oh the birds and the bees and flowers and the trees.
Wufei: NO!
Scene 3, Take 2
Wufei: I’m having second thoughts about wearing this thing. ::staggers, trips on the pant leg, and falls flat on face:: OMG! My nose! I think I broke my nose!
Heero: Oh suck it up man.
Wufei: This face cost me a fortune! I can’t let it get ruined now!
Sarah: Pre-Madonna…
Scene 4
Sarah (narrate): While they were wandering, a group of girls approached them. Each was dressed in an elegant Kimono with slender figures to match. The one who seemed to be the leader of the group came up to Duo. She was a very busty brunette.
Rika: Hi there. My name is Rika Sakamoro, what’s yours?
Duo: … …
Rika: Um hello? It’s you’re line.
Duo: … …
Rika: Ugh, he’s staring at my boobs again…
Sarah: Duo!
Duo: What? Oh sorry.
Sarah: Try again.
Scene 4, Take 2
Rika: Hi there. My name is Rika Sakamoro, what’s yours?
Duo: Honk Honk ::squeezes her boobs::
Rika: Eeeeek! You jerk! ::slaps him::
Sarah: Duo!!!
Quatre: You’re such a pervert.
Duo: I know isn’t it great?
Sarah: Concentrate Duo! Start again.
Scene 4, Take 3
Rika: Hi there. My name is Rika Sakamoro, what’s yours?
Duo: … …
Rika: I can’t work like this!
Sarah: DUO!!!
Scene 9
Sarah (narrate): Trowa spotted the group of girls they had encountered earlier and pointed them out to Quatre. The taller girl also saw them, she turned blue, pointed, and squealed. Rika looked in their direction then herded her group to another location. … Hey, wait… girls watch out girls… Girls you’re headed for the ::CRASH:: ……snack table
Duo: Noooo! All the food!!
Scene 10
Sarah (narrates): He put his hands on Duo’s face and gave him a kiss. Duo was in paradise, this was what he wanted. He met Heero’s kiss with equal passion.
Heero: How long have you waited for this? ::unties Duo’s braid::
Duo: Too long. :: strokes Heero’s chest::
Wufei: OMG, it’s soft porn…
Sarah: Now you’ve ruined the moment!
Heero: He’s right I can’t work like this.
Duo (whines): He touched my haaaaiiir!
Sarah: I need new actors.
Return to Me
Scene 2
Quatre: What type am I?
Trowa: I don’t even have to think about that one. You’re a daisy.
Heero: Pfft… daisy… ::chuckle::
Wufei (chant): Quatre’s a daisy! Quatre’s a daisy!
Duo: No no wait! He’s a pansy!
All 3: HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
Quatre: That’s it. I’m calling my agent. I refuse to work with these idiots for another second.
Sarah: pansy… ::chuckle::
Scene 7
Sarah (narrate): Catherine wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close.
Catherine: I understand perfectly. Trowa I’ve missed you, I need you.
Trowa: Catherine stop it! I am—
Catherine: ::kisses him:: OW! Trowa your stupid hair poked me in the eye!
Sarah: ::sigh:: I need to hire a new hair stylist…
Catherine: I think it’s bleeding!
Scene 10
Duo: Wu-man! Yer back! Welp another Friday I guess huh? Who did ya bring with ya? A chick or something?
Quatre: It’s me Duo. ::sweatdrop::
Duo: Quatre!! Yo dude long time no see! Hey wait, it’s not Christmas yet is it?
Quatre: No Duo, I came here by myself. I need time away from Trowa, he and I aren’t getting along very well.
Duo: Trouble in the sack? I’ve been there, sometimes Heero can be such a ‘hiccup’ and I can’t get anything from him!
Sarah: Is he really drunk?
Heero: Oh yeah.
Trowa: Should I go get the fire hose?
Sarah: Hank! It was your job to make sure he didn’t get wasted before going on set! It’s your one job!
Duo: ::hurls::
Quatre: My shoes!!
Trowa: I’ll get the hose.
Trading Spaces *Heero and Dorothy play each other
Scene 1
Dorothy: Would you shut up!? If Duo hears me screaming like that he’s gonna come barging in here, and then what are we gonna do?”
Heero: Screw that! We have bigger problems! Look at us! You have to fix this right now Heero! Or else I’ll— AAIIIEEE!!!!!!!!!— ::falls to floor with hands between legs::
Dorothy: ::lowers knee:: Now I have—
Heero: WTF?? No one told me she was really going to do that!
Sarah: Oh dear. He looks like he’s in real pain.
Heero: Ya think!? I demand a stunt double!
Sarah: There’s no need for that. We’ll just get wardrobe to bring you a cup and—
Heero: I refuse to wear one of those. I want a stunt double.
Sarah: OMG… just suck it up.
Scene 12
Duo: You have to admit this really isn’t too bad. I mean, all these animals are completely harmless.
Heero: D-Duuurrroooo.
Sarah (narrate): The snake tightened it’s hold and she started to suffocate. Unfortunately Duo was paying no heed. Dorothy-
Duo: He doesn’t look so good.
Sarah: What?
Heero: ::gasps for air::
Duo: You know what? I think this snake is real.
Heero: n-n-no… sshhit…
Sarah: Who’s job was it to replace the real python with the robotic one!? Some heads are gonna roll people! Can we get the snake’s trainer in here? Heero has an iron-clad contract, I can’t lose him now.
Heero: ::gives everyone the finger::
Scene 13 Sarah (narrate): As she undressed she caught a glimpse of her body in the mirror, or rather, Heero’s body.
Heero: Wow, spandex hide alot more that a thought. Look at this butt, talk about hard core. … … You know what, I can’t do this.
Sarah: Heero, not again…
Heero: I’m sorry but this is just too much. You’ve made a fool out of me this entire story and I won’t do it anymore.
Sarah: Oh c’mon it hasn’t been that bad.
Heero: Yes it is! First of all you’ve made me Dorothy.
Dorothy: Hey!
Heero: Silence meat sack! Next she hits me in the balls, without any warning. Then I almost died because the crew is too lazy to switch out the stunt snake. Now I have to drool over my own body!?
Sarah: Heero please—
Heero: No, and then in scene … ::flips thru script:: scene 15 I cry about having my period? It’s all too much!
Sarah: We have a deadline to meet. Are you finished?
Heero: I’m serious, I refuse to continue with this production. Nothing you say can change my mind.
Sarah: I’ll triple your pay and let you wail on Dorothy.
Heero: Done.
Scene 15, Take 2 Trowa: You Chugokujin muda!
Wufei: Baka Nihonjin!
Trowa: Minikui ryu!
Wufei: Unibanged henjin!
Trowa: I’d spit on Nataku if it were here!
Wufei: What!? He can’t say that! I demand you change the script.
Sarah: You’ll get over it.
Scene 17 Sarah (narrate): He reached out ready to grip Heero’s crotch. ::click BANG:: In the split second before he even made it two inches away, Heero had pulled out, cocked, and fired his gun. Duo lay face flat on the floor, blood flowing out from under his forehead. Actually it’s stunt tomato paste. ::super fast announcer voice:: no gundam boys were harmed in the making of this fanfic. … … He’s not moving…… OMG!!! Heero did you really shoot him?
Heero: How should I know? These bullets are supposed to be blanks.
Trowa: Um… that’s a negative on the tomato stunt paste.
Quatre: Eeew.. it’s getting all over everything.
Sarah: My comic relief is dead! My career is gone! Duo’s gone! His iron-clad contract has been cancelled! ::gasp:: The show’s gonna fall thru. I’m ruined! WAAAAAHHH!!! Heero hold me!
Heero: Ugh, no.
Sarah: WAAAAAHHH!!!!
Wufei: Drama Queen…
Return of Shinigami
Scene 1 Heero (narrates): His voice was strange. It sounded like him, but there was like a vibrating echo that followed. You know how in tekno music a singer’s voice can sound electronic? Well it was like that, only it was a woman’s voice.
Duo: Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?
Sarah: C’mon guys, we’re so close to being done.
Scene 1, Take 2 Heero (narrates): His voice was strange. It sounded like him, but there was like a vibrating echo that followed. You know how in tekno music a singer’s voice can sound electronic? Well it was like that, only it was a woman’s voice.
Duo: Luke, I am your father.
Wufei: WOOT! StarWars forever! Yeah!
Sarah: I give up. (tosses the script and walks out)