I focused, taking in breath, letting it out. Never stopping, never ceasing, eternal. In, out… like acircle, never ending.
I continued my mantra, trying to lose myself in the process. Things would never be the same, and Ididn’t want to be different… I wanted things to be the same.
But the only constant is change. And sometimes… I just want to blurt out like Duo and scream, “THIS SUCKS”… but I just can’t let myself loose like that.
I still couldn’t believe what was happening, and what had already happened. I think… that I was stillnumb. Things… reality itself was distorted. I began to see things that I knew couldn’t be there… like him. I knew in the logical part of my mind that he couldn’t be there… but there he was, standing infront of me.
In… out. In and out.
And any time you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don’t carry the world upon your shoulder…
I can control myself… I will control what I see. He can’t possibly be there… he can’t.
“Why can’t I be here, Quatre?” He asked, smiling slightly. He was enjoying screwing with my brain. Just like normal.
“In… out… center yourself. In… out…”
I closed my eyes. If I couldn’t see him, he wasn’t there. Not there. I sat, legs interwoven, Indian style.With my eyes shut tight, I could only see drifting shapes. He wasn’t there.
But which of us really are here? How do we know what we see as ‘real’ isn’t just an illusion? Maybe he is more ‘real’ than I am. I may just be an image that his mind created. But then… how can I think for myself? Am I thinking for myself? Are these thought that I am having from me? Or sent from him… or maybe something else?
“Quatre… it’s ok… I am here… you’re not imagining me.” He said, putting his ‘hand’ on my shoulder.
I looked up at his eyes, “Then how I can see you?”
“I don’t know, maybe you’re just special?” He smiled, laughing a bit. “Just don’t worry about it… I never thought that it was you that would be acting like this. I thought that Heero would be like this… or maybe Wufei… but never you.”
“Why not me?” I asked, almost challenging him. “I’m not the strongest of us all, and you know that. Of all of us, Miss Relena is the strongest by far…”
“I know… and that’s why she’s survived this long. She’s done more for this world than we ever could.”He laughed again, pulling his ‘hand’ away from my shoulder and putting it into his ‘pocket’. “But you’restronger than you think, Quatre.”
“Then why is everything like this? WHY?” I asked, despairing. “Everything has been so tough since hewent away.”
Let me take you down… ‘cuz I’m going to…
Strawberry Fields…
Nothing is real…
And nothing to get hung about…
Duo looked down, shuffling his feet, “Yes. I know, and I understand that it was the hardest on you…but… things aren’t as bad as they seem. I would think that you, Quatre… you would have had somehope.”
“Hope is overrated.” I said, then instantly regretting.
“Then you disappoint me, Quatre.” Duo said, tears coming to his ‘eyes’.
“You know I’d never mean that… it’s just that… everything does seem so hopeless. Without him…nothing is the same.” I said, finally able to tell him. “I… I loved him. And now, he’s gone. It’s like apart of my heart was cut out… a part of my soul gone.”
Do you ever wonder, do you ever hate?
Six feet under, someone who can wait…
You can love me, baby, but you can’t walk out,
Someone aught to tell you what it’s really all about.
“I know that, Quatre… believe me, everyone misses Trowa. Everyone. Not just you.” He said, kneeling down so that he could be at my eye level.
“I know… I can’t really be the only one feeling grief… but it just seems like I’m so alone.”
“Quatre… you’re not alone.” Duo said, concern ridden on his features. “I’m here with you…” he whispered.
“Then why do I feel so alone? Tell me! No one else has dared to come this close to me!” I blurted out, tears on my cheeks. Duo reached forward, and gently, wiped them away. He kissed my forehead, then patted my hair.
“Quatre, our sweet Quatre… you don’t know… do you?”
Hush, my darling, don’t fear, my darling… the Lion sleeps tonight…
He pulled me into a hug, and I embraced him… held him as closely and as tightly as I could, like he’d disappear if I let him go. “Duo…” I managed, choking back a sob.
I look to the sunset, all the colors, so beautiful…
That the tears fall right down, into the sea,
To the ocean of my heart…
“You really don’t understand…” He said, pulling back a little bit. “You really don’t see it?” He asked, stillunsure.
“See what?”
He shook his head, trying to think. “I don’t know if I should tell you, or just let you find out for yourself.But… a lot more happened then just Trowa getting killed.”
“Which was my fault!”
“QUATRE! It was not your fault! It was that stupid drunken guy’s fault! You didn’t have anything to do with it!” Duo yelled, then he let a tear fall. “Is that why you’re here?”
“Why I’m here?”
You say that I've changed,
Well maybe I did,
But even if I changed,
What's wrong with it?
I’ll never let you go…
I’ll never let you go…
I’ll never let you go…
“Yes! Why you’re here!”
“What… do you mean? You’re the one that can’t be here.” I asked… utterly confused.
“Quatre… I’m Shinigami. The Land of the Dead is my domain.” He said sadly.
Well he's on the table and he's gone to code,
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they're doing here…
And your friends have left you,
You've been dismissed,
I never thought that it would come to this,
And I, I want you to know…
Everyone's got to face down their demons,
Maybe today; we can put the past away…
"The land of the Dead is my domain."
Fin
AN- OK… the song lyrics aren’t mine, and neither’s Gundam Wing (the characters used) so Sunrise, Bandai, Hajime Yatate, and Yoshiyuki Tomino own the characters. The songs, in order, were: “Hey Jude” and “Strawberry Fields Forever” by the Beatles, “The Ledge” by Fleetwood Mac, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” by The Four Seasons, “Embracing the Light and Darkness”… by someone… (it’s the third English Magic Knight Rayearth opener), and “Never Let You Go” and “Jumper” by Third Eye Blind.
Thanks for reading!! *^_^*