Your Basic PWP
JC: You’re probably wondering what the hell this is.
Solo: It’s an authors’ basic guide to writing a PWP.
JC: Let’s begin. (boots up magic computer equipped with lots of writing cliches and ™s)
Solo: For this PWP, let’s take GW characters that are almost never written about.
JC: hmm… 2X3. Everybody likes it, but they just write WHY it never is.
Solo: Okaaaayyyy… first, we take a nekky Duo and Trowa.
Duo: (appears naked on plot storyboard) HEY!
Trowa: (same as above) …!
Duo: What’s the big idea?
JC: Then, we make a set or setting. It can make sense. (a bed-for-PWP-that-drops-out-of-the-sky™ drops out of… the sky) Or it can be just… (poses) psychedelic, or totally insane with NO direction. (bed-for-PWP-that-drops-out-of-the-sky™ disappears and the background changes into rainbow-lights-with-swirly-colors-made-for-PWPs™)
Duo: I’m getting dizzy…
Trowa: …
Solo: Since PWP is an acronym for Plot, What Plot? (it’s JUST SEX!) There can just be monotonous, nonsense, make-love-dialogue™.
Trowa: (in that emotionless, monotonous, flat voice of his) Ugh! Oh YES! Who’s your daddy? Tell me what you want. Yeah baby.
JC: (sweatdrops) Maybe this was a mistake using Trowa.
Solo: But we have to please the general public.
JC: The things I do for humanity. Oh well, at least he has a nice bod.
Duo: Can we please get this show on the road?
JC: Sorry… uh, next you figure out who’s on top.
Duo: You said 2X3! I’m on top! (cheers and dances around… still naked)
JC: …
Solo: After that, if you’re one of those authors, like JC who love using trademarked writing props, but unlike JC, to hide the rampant and constant sex, usually insert a falling something or have the seme pull the uke into a mulberry-bush-oh-so-conveniently-place-a-foot-away™ or a falling-giant-crème-puff™ right after they declare their undying love or lust for one another.
JC: You said all that without losing breath.
Solo: Thank you.
Duo: Oh TROWA! I love you! Let’s make hot steamy love! (glomps Trowa and a Chinese-folding-screen-made-to-hide-GW-booties™ falls in front of the screwing couple, much to JC’s disappointment)
JC: Who put that in? Whoever it is, prepare to die!
Solo: Censors… we can’t do anything about it, but I am video recording what’s happening on the other side of the screen.
JC: Note to all you authors: Shadows can be very erotic.
Solo: (nosebleeds) …
Trowa: OH GOD, YES!
Heero: What are you two idiots doing?
JC: Teaching others how to write PWPs. Wanna help demonstrate? (pauses) since Trowa and Duo are… busy.
Heero: Omae o korosu.
JC: If you continue to misbehave, I’ll put you in a lemon with Dr. J, Relena, AND Dominatrix Dorothy Catalonia.
Heero: (faints from trauma)
JC: And that is how you get Heero Yuy to cooperate with any insane fic’ ideas any of you crazy authors might have.
Solo: You were bluffing.
JC: I didn’t think he was this weak.
Duo: TROWA! (screen shakes)
Solo: And the end of the fic, the orgasm, or climax. After that… well, you either put the exhausted characters to sleep or keep them screwing till dawn.
Trowa: …! (screen falls down)
JC: O-O
Solo: … and this is also another outcome.
Duo: you said it again.
Trowa: Duo…
Duo: Come on Tro-chan, let’s screw again.
Trowa: …! OH GOD YES! (pulls screen up again, which starts shaking again and falls down, but the two don’t notice)
Solo: And there you have it, a PWP!
JC: You look like one of those game show models. All we need now is a voice-over™ saying ‘It’s a brand-new-car™!’
Duo: YES! OH YES! TROWA! I’M FEELING IT! I’M FEELING IT!
Heero: ugh… is it over yet?
JC: Hardly, now get in there! (boots Heero into the tangle of uni-bang and braid)
Solo: Our work here is done.
JC: See you all again, next time on When Slug Monsters from Mars ATTACK!
Solo: Wrong show.
JC: oops.
Trowa: …!
The End
(no, there probably will not be a sequel or other parts)
JC: DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters, and I never will. This is for non-profit so if your going to sue, go to HELL! I mean that in a nice way.
Solo: For all you episode ZERO fans, I’m not Solo, Duo’s (sadly, dead) friend. I’m just JC’s muse and character for the other series that freak is writing.
JC: I heard that!
Solo: Send comments, suggestions, which JC desperately needs to R5achoy[ AT ]aol.com!
