What Can I Say?

It was a pretty average day. Relena was working in her office, and Chris Marley was filling paperwork. Heero was trying to think of new ways to kill himself, and Quatre was sipping tea while watching Outlaw Star. Trowa was tending to his new pet hamster Mr. Fuzzy-Bunny-Lumpkins and Wufei was drinking green-tea™. And of course, Dorothy was trying to find new ways to show her breasts without… uh, you get the picture. In the GW universe, things were moving quite… normally… for now.

Another day in the Digital World. Taichi was off exploring, Sora was fishing, Mimi was touching up her make-up, Koushiro was looking hentai sites on his laptop… how did that get there? Joe was complaining, and Takeru and Hikari were off playing happy-bai-bai™… whatever that is. And Yamato was off plotting how to make Taichi his… “Yes, come here my pretty one…”

It was late afternoon when it happened. JC Maxwell-Yuy, the notorious fanfiction writer was the first to notice. “What the? It’s … it’s… IT’S HORRIBLE!”

Ten seconds later, the worlds began to merge with… the most horrible alternate universe ever imaginable. The universe of PULBLIC TELEVISION™! All the horrible infomercials, and the kiddie shows began to warp the GW and DA dimensions like a caramel chocolate bar that was left out in the irresistibly hot sun™. Although most kiddie shows are essentially harmless, several posed a great threat to all existence. The shows were Barney and Friends, Teletubbies, and Arthur. Oh, JC was scared now, as were the entire cast of GW and DA. (sorry, I promise to write 02 in the future) “Naze da? Why is this happening?” the author gasped as his studio wall morphed and faded away to reveal…

Rolling hills of green grass, occupied by thousands of happy little bunnies. Relena slowly regained consciousness and sat up. “Where am I? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” she then ran for her life for nothing scared her more than thousands of happy little bunnies… well, almost nothing.

Duo Maxwell was not in a comfortable position. In fact, he was hanging from a tree… upside down. “I gotta stop eating that chocolate-pickle-pocky™ before beddy bye time…”

Mimi was admiring her reflection in a lake when she plopped down suddenly in a pretend play kitchen area… in a very large classroom. The group of ‘children’ looked up in surprised at the new person that just popped out of nowhere. “Mimi? Where are we?” Palmon asked.

By this time, JC had overcome his initial surprise and armed himself with his most lethal weapon: mustard. And maybe a couple of C-4 explosives and particle-beam-cannon-that-is-only-for-PBS-TV-Crossovers™. “All right. Mission accepted. I WILL SAVE THE WORLD… but first I need to refill this mustard bottle and go to a hot dog stand.”

Back to Relena, the poor woman ran as fast as she could away from the bunnies, which by this time had morphed into large, hairy, lavender, beasts that sang Britney Spears songs. Oh, she was really scared. ‘I really should renounce the pacifist thing so I can blow those things up. I really wish I had a gun. Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish!’

Trowa also woke up in the rolling hills of grass and bunnies. “Bunnies!” he cried happily and smiled, which, scared all the bunnies away. “Bunnies?” he said again. The bunnies came out of hiding all right, but they had become giant roach monsters that tried to imitate the Backstreet Boys. “… I need to go…” Trowa turned and ran as fast as his long, sexy legs could carry him.

Meanwhile, Mimi was running as fast as she could away from the children. To make things even worse, several large stuffed dinosaurs were stampeding behind the children. “Palmon! You have to evolve!” she cried as she hid behind a large tree. Her little digimon tired, but no luck. “Why? Why couldn’t I have landed on Montel?!” Mimi whined and grabbed Palmon when the children started chasing her again.

Yamato was fending off little anteater creature thingys. “They just won’t go away! Gabumon!”

“I can’t evolve!” the blue digimon said.

“What? But you have too. Those things are gonna get me and mess my pretty hair up!”

Duo finally managed to get himself down from the tree, only to be cornered by several anteater like thingys. “We’re the Tibble Twins!” they shouted and began running around.

“Help!” Duo cried.

Taichi and Takeru were in the rolling hills of grass. “Takeru, I know you’re young, but let’s go steady!” Taichi grinned.

“Uh, Taichi?”

“Yes snookums?”

“There’s a GIANT MONSTER BEHIND YOU! RUN!” Takeru ran for his life followed by Taichi and their digimon. The Teletubbies giggled and turned into giant balls of green goop and rolled after the poor kids and digimon.

“Uh, this was NOT in the job description.” Chris groaned as she and Quatre ran for their lives from a giant elephant with pink polka dots all over it. “I NEED A RAISE!”

“Did you find them?” Solo, JC’s loyal and kawaii muse asked.

“Well, I found them, but they need help. The digimon can’t evolve, and the pilots are without their Gundams.” JC poked his head out of the bush he was hiding in.

“You can come out. There isn’t a scary thing for miles.” Solo leaned over.

“Uh, just look above you.” JC pointed.

“Huh?” Solo turned around to see a sun with a baby’s face in it. “OH GOD! THIS MUST BE HELL!”

“You know, I should be a lawyer and sue PBS!” Joe cried as he ran carrying Gomamon.

“Sue later! JUST RUN!” Koushiro ran as fast as he could away from the huge purple dinosaur thing. Mimi had just met up with them and was running for her life, along with her future fashion career.

“Omae o korosu.” Heero pointed his gun at the anteater and monkey girl.

“At least someone here has a sane mind.” Yamato grunted. “But we’re surrounded!”

“And dammit, I’m out of clips. Bullets just don’t cut it against these things.” Heero grunted and tossed the last empty cartridge to the ground. “I really didn’t think I’d go out like this.” He moaned as the ugly creatures started closing in.

“Well?” JC asked.

“It’s all in the programming. But here it is!” Solo pressed enter, and a giant carrot flew off the laptop computer screen and turned into hundreds of light towers. “These counter the dark towers. Now everyone can evolve and use weapons.”

“Weren’t the towers from 02?”

“Uh, well, just be glad they work.”

“Agumon warp shinka! Wargreymon!”

“Gabumon warp shinka! Metal Garurumon!”

“Tentomon shinka! Kabuterimon! Kabuterimon super shinka! Atlur Kabuterimon!”

“Piyomon shinka! Birdramon! Birdramon super shinka! Garudamon!”

“Palmon shinka! Togemon! Togemon super shinka! Lilimon!”

“Gomamon shinka! Ikakumon! Ikakumon super shinka! Zudomon!”

“Patamon shinka! Angemon! Angemon super shinka! Holy Angemon!”

“Tailmon super shinka! Angewomon!

“Well?” Solo asked.

“Wow. Now about the Gundams?”

“Hold your horses… or digimon. Here we go!”

All five Gundams landed next to their respective pilots, crushing the nearby obstacles.

“SHINIGAMI LIVES!”

“…!”

“Boku wa SANDROCK!”

“Nataku! WE WILL DELIVER JUSTICE! JUSTICE! JUSTICE!”

“ZERO… let’s kill them all.” Maniacal laughter followed.

“Well JC, I think that should about do it.”

“Not quite. I still have to rescue Chris and Relena… but do I have to?”

“Only if you want people to bash in the future.”

“All right.”

“It’s payback time! Wargreymon!” Taichi cued his mega digimon to attack.

“Gaia Force!” huge damage to the Teletubbies, but they weren’t dead yet.

“Excalibur!” Holy Angemon slashed at the ugly Teletubbies, melting some and cutting off appendages.

“All right! Now finish them off!” Takeru cheered.

“Brave Tornado!”

“Heaven’s Gate!”

The two attacks caused the Teletubbies to explode into moondust. “BYE BYE!”

Chris had run ahead and was rescued by JC. Quatre jumped into Sandrock and started the engine. “Heh heh… DIE!” He said and sliced the elephant in half with the gundanium sickles. Unfortunately, the sliced elephant changed into Phanto, the fat balloon monster. “That’s it, prepare to DIE!” Quatre charged.

“Flower Cannon!” Lilimon blasted back the children with her energy projectile.

“We won!” Mimi cheered, which quickly turned to a look of horror. The children were melting into horrible fashion victims. “Oh my god! Lilimon!” the fairy digimon flew down and grabbed Mimi before the fashion challenged monsters could mob her.

“Shadow Wing!” Garudamon and Sora dropped in and rained the fashion victim monsters with giant firebirds.

“Sora! Get out! They’re way too hideous to fight!” Mimi cried.

“Don’t worry Mimi! Here comes Angewomon!” Sora pointed to Hikari and her digimon running up.

“Saint Aim! Holy Arrow!” Angewomon fired a sparkling white arrow and destroyed several of the monsters.

“This isn’t over yet!” Hikari warned.

The mousy people of Readington had evolved into hideous cat creatures. Wing Zero and Metal Garurumon faced off against the mob of monsters.

“Cocytus Breath!” several monsters are frozen and destroyed, but more keep coming.

Heero fired the buster rifle, and most of the monsters shrivel up and die screaming ‘lovely’.

Meanwhile, Duo had found Relena and JC making a run for it, and covered them. “Do you bunnies want a piece of me?” he fired the buster shield and destroyed some, but they just overwhelmed him. JC by this time was carrying Relena and running really, really fast.

“Wait Duo. I will teach those bunnies a lesson. Die!” Trowa launched all his missiles and destroyed all the bunny monsters.

“You know, I wouldn’t mind taking a shot at some of the monsters.” Relena gasped.

“Sorry, but I have to get you out of here, besides, you can have some kick butt fic dedicated to you later. Trust me, you aren’t ready to kick any of these butts yet. The stains will never come out of these boots.” JC huffed. “Now get through the portal.” He shoved the princess through the shining disk. Solo had already gotten Chris and the chosen children out. Now it was just Wufei left to retrieve.

Wufei didn’t know when he had felt so good. He used his Gundam’s flame-throwers to torch the areas that were already in ruins from the previous battles. “JUSTICE! ALL HAIL MY NATAKU! I WILL RULE THE WORLD~!”

“Do you think we should stop him and bring him back?”

“Nah, let him have fun. It saves us the work.”

“Aa…”

So in the end, everyone got out safely. Although Relena was sent to a mental hospital just for the hell of the fic, she came out OK. The chosen children continued their journey as if nothing had happened, although Taichi discovered all the hentai Koushiro had on his laptop. JC and Solo finally straightened out the dimension problems and went to go get Italian sodas. And as for the force who warped space in the first place…

“HHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPP! I HATE THIS SHOW!” Dorothy Catalonia screamed as the kiddies sang the Barney song.