The Fairly Odd Soldiers

Heero is a disturbed kid who no one understands. Mom and Dad and Relena always giving him commands. He plots to kill them in his room, and gets help instantly. His magic little camels will give him lots of ammo to use as he sees fit!

"I hate this." Heero said, staring at his gruel.

"Smile now! OR ELSE!" Grinned his psychotic and heavily medicated father, Treize.

"Eat now, or you get to clean up after the wild boars that just raided the backyard, even though there's nothing living there now!" said his equally heavily medicated mother, Une.

"I'm so out of here." Heero said, set a detonator in his cereal bowl, put it in the sink, and left for school with his loaded magnum and books. As the school bus pulled away from the corner, a satisfying 'Boom' echoed through the neighborhood.

"Hey. Did your parents do something stupid to you again?" Asked an annoying little girl, Dorothy, who loved explosions. Heero ignored the pesky girl until the bus pulled up at school, of which he then tied her to the bus bumper and set the vehicle on fire.

"I hate life." Moaned the teacher as the class assembled in the room. "I was always mocked… because…"

"Here we go." The kid on Heero's left said.

"I HAVE YET TO PROVE THE EXISTENCE…" the teacher, Quatre twitched several times. "FAIRY ODD SOLDIERS IN TIGHT PANTS!"

The class groaned. The teacher was always going on about fairies and other magical oddities that just plain didn't exist in their meager, pathetic, boring, fairy-less little lives… well, except for Heero.

As if on cue, two pairs of eyes appeared on his notebook.

"It's such a nice day, isn't it Wufei?" said the first pair.

"Kisama! I haven't had a good day since we got assigned to this psychotic, trigger happy, pessimistic brat." The other pair of eyes hissed.

"Hello? I'm right here. I can hear everything you're saying." Heero flipped the notebook over and slammed it very hard on to his desk.

"YES MR. HEERO?!" Quatre spun around and twitched. "ARE YOU READY TO CONFESS THAT YOU HAVE… (twitches hard) FAIRIES?!"

At that moment, the door flew open and the principal, Noin, stood there with a team of paramedics and plenty of restraints.

"I warned you Quatre! You have begun to utter such nonsense and now I have no choice but to turn you into the custody of these handsomely buff and rough paramedics!" Noin gestured at one of the paramedics who was particularly buff and had a really nice butt whose nametag said 'Trowa' on it.

"AHAHAHAHAHA! FAIRIES!" Quatre twitched and squirmed against Trowa as the other man slapped a straight jacket on him and dragged him from the room.

"Ah…" Noin sighed, whapped the other medic on the butt with a riding crop.

"ACK!" the guy whose nametag said 'Zechs', yelped.

"Now then…" Noin said, slapping her riding crop against the wall. "Free day everyone!"

The class cheered as their riding crop wielding principal exited the room, swinging her hips in a raunchy way and dragging 'Zechs' after her.

"I wish I had a giant suit of metal that had angel wings and a big gun." Heero said flatly to the notebook.

"Sure… After my nose stops throbbing." Duo complained as he popped out of the notebook.

"Injustice! What a horrible way to treat the people who work time and a half to grant you wishes!" Wufei agreed.

"You guys should be paid less… I have stupid fairies with stupid fly wings and worthless zirconia encrusted aluminum crowns following me around to remind me of how miserable I am." Heero spat. "Now where's my giant metal suit of destruction?"

Five hours later…

"I feel much better now." Heero said as he entered the house followed by his two, slightly charred camels.

"Heero! We're going out for dinner, ACK! I mean, we're going out to the bank to see about a college loan." Lied his heavily medicated mother.

"So we arranged for Relena to come and baby-sit!" announced his freaky father.

"Oh Mr. And Mrs. Ninny-What's Your Last Name Again! I just LLLLOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEEE MY HEERO!" Relena pranced into the room and gave the two somewhat senile adults a toothy smile.

"Have fun you two!" the adults left, and Relena's toothy smile turned into a sugar coated smirk. "I want you to wash my new pink car… WITH A TOOTHBRUSH!"

"I wish her car was crushed by a large meteor." Heero wished silently, and a large crash was heard outside.

"OH MY GOSH! MY CAR! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" screamed Relena as her eyebrows twitched.

"Uh oh… I think she's gone insane." Duo commented.

"Either that, or that stupid woman just realized that her man-slave/driver was still inside that hideous pink metal deathtrap." Wufei muttered angrily.

"NOW! WE SHALL PLAY DOLLS!" and with that, Heero made a run for it, with his two camels after him. Relena slipped in some of the feces left by the camel with the braided fur and was knocked unconscious when her head hit the bathroom sink.

"They never did teach you to lift the seat up." Wufei snapped at Duo.

"But that's why everyone loves me!" Duo exclaimed, but the statement was met with silence.

"I wish Relena was dead." Heero said. "And I wish that I had over 100,000 bullets to impale her carcass with."

"My, you're a violent little boy." Duo said. "Cool!"

"I should have signed up to be partners with that knife throwing fairy, but NNNNNOOOOOO… the braided baka got me, hook, line, and CINDER BLOCK!" Wufei screamed as he dodged the blunt object thrown at him.

"I love playing dodge cinder blocks from hell!" Duo said happily and chucked another one at Wufei.

"Yep… this is just another day." Heero said flatly as he pressed a button that caused his giant metal fighting suit with angel wings parked outside the house to self-destruct.

Elsewhere…

"THE FAIRIES! I KNOW THEY'RE DOING SOMETHING! FAIRIES!"

"Now Quatre… it's time to inject medicine into you… which end would you like it?"

"FAIRIES!" (twitch)