Star of the Show
Heero holds up a sigh saying: G-Gundam is over! This is my story! Vote for Heero as the star! OR ELSE!)
JC: I dedicate this fic’ to my friend (that Trowa obsessed freak), whom I forgot to give a birthday present (gomen, gomen), so um… this is it.
Heero: You are SO cheap!
JC: I resent that remark, Mr. Spandex-from-the-cheap-bike-shop-on-the-corner!
Heero: …
JC: I got this idea from the SD comics.
Heero: Starring me!
Duo: Get a life! I was in most of them!
Relena: Go Relena!
JC: If you’re quite through, I’m sure everyone reading this would like to find out who the real star is!
Heero: That’s ME!
Duo: You?! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
It’s a nice day, the sun is shinning (and so is Wufei’s forehead), birds are chirping, and a nice wind is blowing (not Zechs (1), and not that you hentais!) But all is not well in the world of GW…
Heero: I’m the star!
Duo: No, I am!
Heero: Are not!
Duo: Are too!
Quatre: Guys, stop it, I’m the star of the Gundam Wing!
Trowa: I disagree.
Relena: I’m the true star of the show!
Dorothy: Miss Relena, that’s not fair. The one with the longest and prettiest hair should be the star of the show and that’s me!
Wufei: INJUSTICE! A woman should not be the star of ANY show!
Treize: What about Sailor Moon?
Wufei: That onna is weak!
Relena/Dorothy: HOW DARE YOU CALL SAILOR MOON WEAK!
Treize: I know you’ll support me, right Lady Une? After all, I am your one and only Trieze-sama.
Lady Une: Hell no, when it comes to deciding who’s the star, it is obviously me! Who else has a split personality, step forward! I challenge you!
Trowa: (shoves Quatre forward w/ZERO system™) Here you go.
Lady Une: I know I’m crazy, but not suicidal.
Duo: What about you Relena? I thought you would support Heero.
Relena: Him? Oh, get a life! I’d rather be the star of the show.
Heero: I thought I was the Prince of the Star to you!
Relena: Oh, that. It was only temporary. After I saw how many 2x1 stories there were, I just had to give you up, besides, you have no fashion sense.
Heero: 2X1?! Impossible! I should be ‘on top’!
Duo: That’s not what the poll says.
Sally: Who cares about that? Who’s the star of the show?!
Everyone: I AM!
Quatre: I pick me because I’m the most innocent.
Everyone else: Yeah right, that’s a rich one.
Zechs: I pick me because I have the most beautiful and silky hair!
Duo&Dorothy: GGGGRRRRRRR… (deathglare ™)
Noin: That’s it the marriage is off!
Zechs: Nani?
Noin: You clog up the bathtub too many times! Do you know how much money it cost me to get a plumber to go within ten feet of the bathroom?!
Sally: I pick me because I’m the coolest woman around!
Lady Une: But I have the biggest chest! (sticks out her chest)
Sally: (glares) Stupid wonder-bra ™.
Heero: I pick me because I was the first character to be shown.
Relena: Actually, the first character that actually had any lines was the narrator.
Everyone: SCREW THE NARRATOR! YOU SUCK!
Dorothy: But he met an unfortunate end™, remember?
Everyone: (mummering) oh, that’s right. How did I forget?
Zechs: You lie Heero! I was the first character with lines!
Relena: Actually, it was that annoying lieutenant that had the lines before you. You know, the one who had the radar?
Zechs: AAARRRRGGGGHHH!
Heero: He’s not a Gundam pilot. So he doesn’t count! Therefore, since I was the first GW pilot shown, I am the star of the show!
Zechs: I’m a pilot too!
Duo: Please! That hunk of junk? All your MS were destroyed!
Zechs: So were yours!
Duo: But ours were the last ones shown!
Wufei: Nataku was the last Gundam shown! I AM THE STAR OF THE SHOW! I AM STRONG NATAKU! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Everyone else: Let’s ignore him. (turns away)
Wufei: IN JSUTICE!
Nataku (the woman): SHUT UP ALREADY!
Duo: I pick me cause’ I’m the cutest pilot, and the girls just mob me for my good looks.
Trowa: …
Duo: …?
Trowa: …
Duo: OK, OK, don’t have a cow!
Howard: I’m the star of the show cause’ I’m so sexy! (comes out wearing Speedos ™)
Everyone else: OH GOD! YOU CRIMINAL! PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!
Hilde: I pick me cause’ I am the BERET GIRL!
Duo: You were only in like four episodes!
Catherine: That’s right! And I was in more episodes and had ACTUAL LINES in the OVA so I should be the star, and if anyone objects, I’ll start throwing knives!
Trowa: Now sis, I don’t want to have to file another complaint.
Catherine: Damn! Why did I have to be YOUR surrogate sister? (stamps foot)
Trowa: …
Everyone minus Quatre: ???
Trowa: …
Duo: What the Hell is he saying?
Quatre: He says that he is the star of the show cause’ he has the tightest ass.
Heero: What? MY ASS IS MUCH BETTER LOOKING THEN HIS!
Relena&Duo: I have to agree with you on that. KAWAII SPANDEX BOY! (heartmark™)
Lady Une: I HAVE THE BREASTS, THE ASS, AND THE PERSONAS! I AM THE STAR OF THE SHOW!
Treize: You’re mentally unstable. (sticks tongue)
Zechs: You’re dead! HOW CAN YOU TAKE PART IN THIS?
Treize: I don’t see why a dead person can be the star. (blows nails)
Everyone: THE DEAD PERSON IS NEVER THE STAR!
Duo: But in Dragon Ball Z, Gokou dies and he’s still the star, but he keeps getting wished back.
Treize: DAMMIT! Wait! I must find all seven dragon balls and make my wish!
Zechs: Good luck, the dragon doesn’t take orders from dead people.
Solo: I think I should be the star of the show! After all, I’m Duo’s guardian angel! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Duo: You weren’t on the show!
Solo: Your point? I’m the reason you survived everything!
Duo: Sure… But who made Heero survive all that self-destructing?
Everyone: … good question…
Noin: I know how we can decide this!
Zechs: How my oh-so-last-and-final-fiancée-of-mine?
Noin: A MOBILE SUIT BATTLE!
Heero: YES! OH, GOD, YES! (pumps his fist)
Relena: What are you people, crazy? Nevermind, don’t answer that! This is a time of peace for space!
Lady Une: (‘Saint Anne’) Yes, space is a place of peace. We should not fight. (LOTS AND LOTS OF SPARKLES™) Ah, peace…
Howard: HOW IN BLAZES DOES SHE DO THAT?!
Treize: In all her years of service to me, I never found out. Plus when we went of vacation…
(flashback)
Lady Une: (dressed in a hot pink string bikini™) This is the fabulous Lady Une starting her vacation (dramatically gestures around) SHE HAS HER FABULOUS BEACH CHAIR™! HER STATE-OF-THE-ART-SPOUND SYSTEM™, and… (dances around) HER FABULOUS VIEW OF THE FRENCH RIVIERA™ (hotel staff members waiting on you hand and foot™ sold separately)! (sighs and lies down on chair with the sounds of Blink 182 on her boom box)
(end flashback)
Treize: Damn, how does she do it?
Wufei: What is she, some kind of freak?
Everyone: GEE, WHAT GAVE THAT AWAY?!
Lady Une: I heard that!
Dorothy: Enough about Une, let’s just crown me STAR OF THE SHOW!
Everyone: You? Hell, no!
Dorothy: Well it was just a suggestion. (leaves in her brilliant-golden-motorcycle-that-only-rich-people-with-forked-eyebrows-can-afford™)
Everyone: (sweatdrop…) Good riddance.
Catherine: I still think that I should be the star of the show.
Everyone else: NO WAY!
Duo: Let’s poll the readers, who do you think should be the star of the show?
Readers: (LONG SILENCE™)
Duo: …
Heero: Finally, we found a way to shut him up!
Relena: That wasn’t very nice!
Heero: Yeah, well neither are you.
Relena: OH yeah?
Heero: Hn.
Relena: (falls over in disgust, she almost had an argument) Ugh.
Readers: What… was that?
Duo: …
Heero: See! It does work!
Trowa: So who’s the star of the show?
Quatre: Oh, now he speaks.
Wufei: Enough with THAT weak argument lets figure out who made the most money in paycheck.
Everyone: I DID!
Quatre: Stop! I’m the heir to the Winner…
Everyone else: Oh, god, you’re still too young to manage anything yet!
Quatre: But… but… I’m having Trowa’s…
Everyone else minus Trowa: (runs for their lives… and paychecks) AAAAHHHHH!
Quatre: Now that we’re alone…
Trowa: You naughty, naughty, boy.
And so, the cast could never agree on whom was the star of the show, that’s why they always tried to out do/kill/self-destruct themselves. Poor Trowa never, ever got to use his self-destruct device ™, and Heero blew himself up as many times as Lady Une switched in-between her split personas™, and Solo and Meiran got married, and ‘lived’ happily ever after…
Wufei: Oh, GOD, HEARTBREAKER YOU GOT THE BEST OF ME!
Relena gave up chasing Heero and became the Queen of the Universe, and ruled with a kind hand as long as her Queen Dorothy was by her side. Sally Po, Catherine Bloom, and Hilde (I forgot her last name) ran off to Mars with Zechs and Noin so they could corrupt…er… baby-sit the little bundles of joy that came out every now and then… And Duo, Heero, Trowa, and Quatre boinked…er… uh, you get the picture.
JC: So how was that?
Wufei: That’s it, you’re never going to buy anymore CDs!
JC: But Wuuuuuu…
Wufei: No! You spent all your money and are not going to borrow any from me!
JC: FINE then mister! You’re not getting ANY for the next hundred or so fics’!
Wufei: INJUSTICE!
Lady Une: I think the fic was rather… interesting.
JC: Why thank you, but if you think that sucking up will get you anything, guess again!
Lady Une: DAMN!
Asuka: You’ve neglected writing about ME, no matter how much I suck up, insult, or shoot my mouth off at other characters.
JC: I will, I promise!
Kenji: And what about me?!
Duo: I thought you were going to finish the other fic’ you were working on about ME!
JC: I ah, got sidetracked. School takes up a lot of my time and…
Heero: If you don’t start writing, Omae o korosu!
JC: Heh, heh… uh, this could take a while. So, send comments, suggestions to R5achoy[ AT ]aol.com.
Yamato: You forgot the disclaimer!
JC: Could you do it? I’m busy! OW! Relena! Put down that mallet!
Yamato: (sighs)… JC doesn’t own Gundam Wing (and neither will I), they are copyright of Sunrise/Sotsu… and all those other companies so don’t sue. You won’t win.
JC: Help! Heero! Put that gun away!
Yamato: … oh my.
