Mahou no Bishounen Sailor Wing

Heero Yuy wasn’t feeling good. After the last battle, he drank some bad tea and was in bed ever since… well, his father just confined him to the bedroom, but that didn’t stop him from discovering the full extent of his new laptop.

Laptop screen: File transfer completed.

Heero: … two thousand more credits in to my college fund.

Laptop screen: Five thousand credits- transfer to account?

Heero: (presses enter key)

Laptop screen: Transfer complete. Thank you for banking with OZ Banks Inc.! We cheat, steal, and embezzle any type of currency!

Heero: Hn. I love this thing.

It was late afternoon when Lady Une marched through the streets of Tokyo to Heero Yuy’s house. She believed in delivering class work, homework, and pop quizzes to sick-students-who-thought-they-could-cut-just-because-they-weren’t-feeling-well in person. As she passed the OZ game corner, a part of OZ Banks Inc., she caught a glance at a ginger-haired man with the most interesting eyebrows talking to the new transfer student. Une stopped, and all the books loaded with Heero’s homework clattered to the ground. Treize saw that, and like the gentleman he is, he leaned over and picked the books up, grunting under the weight. “Oh!” Une gasped.

“I’m Treize Khushrenada. And you are?”

“… Lady Une, Treize-sama…”

Treize gave Milliardo a confused look as Une grabbed the books and ran off down the street, top speed.

“Is that one of the school teachers?”

“Uh, I’m not sure. At first I thought she was a mental hospital escapee.”

“… well, I’d better get back to work.”

“Yeah… uh, see you Treize.” Milliardo waved as Treize stepped back inside the game center. ‘Wow, what a hunk! So polite…’

Meanwhile Treize was thinking: ‘Cute kid, nice hair, lousy cook.’ He poked at the lunch Milliardo had ‘delivered’ that morning. The green goo had seeped out of the bento box. ‘I’d wash it and return it, but I’ll just buy him a new one. Just say a cat took it.’ Treize did a double take when he turned around and the lunch bento box was gone from the counter. He shrugged and went back to work.

In the alleyway…

Une: Oh, Treize-sama. (raises lunchbox to the sky like it’s the Holy Grail or something) Your leftovers are my leftovers! (she took one bite and gagged)

In the evil dimension of the Romefeller Foundation. “I WANT THOSE LITTLE SKIRT BRATS OUT OF MY WAY!” Duke Dermail spat out the juice he was drinking. “TSUBAROV! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO MAKE MY CONQUEST OF DEPARMENT STORES A REALITY?!” A man in weird robes appeared before the throne. “Yes Duke Dermail… I have taken the liberty of creating new invincible weapons of mass destruction.” “Yes, do tell.” Dermail sighed. Tsubarov was insane, but at this point, he didn’t care. ‘I want those meddling kids out of my way!’ “My plan is to use MY INVINCIBLE MOBILE DOLLS! MY MOBILE DOLLS WILL KILL EVERYONE! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” (insert more insane laughter) “Fruitcake.” Dermail muttered as Tsubarov disappeared laughing like an insane little freak.

In Tsubarov’s laboratory, the evil man called his assistant. “Now my dear, I just have to pick the perfect target for my mobile dolls to invade and destroy. I want you to find a store in which the owner has ‘hope for the future’, and they also must have something to do with the waltz.”

“Yes doctor… and they have to with the waltz?”

“Yes, and they also must have ‘hope for the future’.”

The evil, unnamed assistant typed the data into her evil computer™ and a picture of Treize appeared. “Good job…” Tsubarov turned on a record player and the sounds of an evil waltz™ filled the lab.

“Uh, doctor, is that supposed to be a waltz?” the assistant asked over the loud noise. But the evil man just kept laughing and running around like a little fairy.

“It’s a TAD LOUD!” (more of the above)

“OH, WHAT A HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN!” the assistant left the lab and jumped off a cliff and died.

Meanwhile, Treize had finished his shift at the arcade and went to his ballroom dancing class. The instructor was a pretty Chinese woman who moved gracefully, and always ridiculed a shorter Chinese boy(1) also in the class. ‘A real cute boy…’ Treize smiled at the boy with the ponytail, but he just huffed and left the room. Unbeknownst to anyone, Lady Une stood in the shadows of the next room, watching.

Later that night, Tsubarov and his ‘invincible mobile dolls™’ appeared outside the arcade. Seconds later, they disappeared.

The dawn of a new day. It was the weekend, and Heero Yuy was feeling great… well sort of, he didn’t talk at breakfast like he always did, and he brushed his teeth twice and flossed before going outside. ‘Today I will go back to the arcade and take back my high score from Milliardo… I hope Treize found someone to fix the machine.’ Heero walked into the arcade, but Treize wasn’t there, in fact, all the machines were crackling with black electricity. Heero backed out and ran right into Milliardo.

“What are you doing here?”

“Me? What about you?”

The two glared at each other, but then noticed Lady Une was coming down the street. Not wanting the psycho woman to see them, they ducked into the alley. (gee I use a lot of alleys) But Une however, had her hair down and was carrying a rose. Minutes after she entered the arcade, there was a loud scream.

“Heero, there’s something wrong here, isn’t there?”

“…”

“I thought so. I have to save Treize!” Milliardo put on his helmet and transformed. “Epyon-Tallgeese Armor ENERGIZE!” Sailor Zechs glared at Heero. “Well, what are you waiting for?”

“WING CRYSTAL POWER, MAKE-UP!”

Inside the arcade, Tsubarov and his mobile dolls have tied up Une and Treize. “Now my INVINCIBLE MOBILE DOLLS WILL RULE THE WORLD!” the freaky man laughed and laughed.

“Hey OLD MAN!”

“What? Who the hell are you?”

“I’m SAILOR ZECHS, and I fight for peace! For tying up the cutest arcade guy ever to touch a UFO catcher machine I will give you divine punishment!”

“Sailor Wing. Omae o korosu.” Wing drew his beam saber.

“Ooo… little boys in mini-skirts! How do like them apples?” the evil man flashed the two boys.

“My… power… draining.”

“Oh, my…eyes…”

Just then, a pair of sickles and a scythe flew through the air and ended Tsubarov’s ‘show’.

“I fight for love, and I stand for beauty! I’M SAILOR SANDROCK!”

“I help those who fight for love and beauty, I’m DEATHSCYTHE HELL!”

Wing got up and ran over to DH. “You’re supposed to be with me!”

“Well, someone never showed up for our date this morning.”

“Omae o korosu.”

“Save it for them.”

“YOU LITTLE PIONS MAKE ME SICK! ATTACK MY INVINCIBLE MOBILE DOLLS!” Tsubarov sent the dolls to attack.

“Tallgeese Dolber Shell CANNON!”

“Sandrock… CROSS CRUSHER!”

“LLLLOOOOOVVVVEEEEEEELLLLLLLYYYYYYYY!” all the dolls were blown up into little lace ribbons. “MY MOBILE DOLLS ARE INVINCIBLE! THEY CANNOT BE DEFEATED! I AM INVINCIBLE!”

“He’s a fruitcake!” Sailor Sandrock gasped. “I’ll get him. Epyon Heat Rod… ENCIRCLE!” Sailor Zechs tied up Tsubarov with the chain.

“WING BUSTER RIFLE SHOT!”

“My MOBILE DOLLS ARE INVINCIBLE… AARRRRGGGHGHHHHH! LOVELY!” Tsubarov exploded into little Barbies™.

Later…

“Treize! Treize! Wake up!” Milliardo shook the other man’s body. “…huh? What? Milliardo?” Treize looked confused.

“OH MY TREIZE-SAMA!” Lady Une woke up suddenly and glomped Treize, Milliardo landed on the ground face first.

“Itai… “ He moaned as Heero and Quatre dragged him away.

Duo: I STILL NEVER GOT TO HAVE LUNCH WITH YOU! WAIT FOR ME! HHEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOO!

THE END… of this Omake anyway…