JC: Well, I’ll be gundamned… hee hee… it’s been quite a while since I’ve written for Sailor Wing… or anything for that matter.
Heero: NO! NO! NOT THE SKIRT! NOT THE SKIRT!
Duo: YES! THE SKIRT! THE SKIRT!
Heero: I will kill you.
Duo: EEP!
JC: Same disclaimer as before. I don’t own these characters… wish I did. But I don’t, and that’s how life is.
In the deepest reaches of the evil Romefeller Foundation, Duke Dermail seethed.
“Oh Grandfather… I shall not fail you this time!” Dorothy whispered as she struggled to stand on her cybernetic limbs.
“Not so fast Dorothy. You had 2 chances. I’m afraid 3 will be the limit.” Dermail glared at the pitiful sight of the weak woman.
“This time… they’ll pay.” Dorothy growled.
“And what makes you so sure you’ll get rid of them this time?” a evil voice echoed.
“Gaintz?” Dermail zapped the evil blonde man. “Never speak out of turn.”
“Yes… m’lord.” Gaintz readjusted his glasses.
“Hold it missy!” Dorothy zapped Gaintz with lightning. “I know you and your bitch Klemetz used my hair spray without asking. TAKE THAT!”
ZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!
“Oh… I smudged mah lipstick… ouch… I’m unconscious now.” And Gaintz fell to the floor with a thud.
“Now… back to hair… the most evil cut of them all. The Mushroom. So yesterday, it’s… bound to be evil!” Dorothy began to laugh, causing lightning to strike everywhere in the throne room.
“MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Minions ran for cover.
“MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAACCCKKKKKKK!!! I think I singed my eyebrows.”
Once again, Heero found himself at the arcade after school, trying to beat Milliardo’s high score while the blonde stared dreamily into Treize’s eyes.
“I heard a rumor that the Mushroom is back in.” Treize remarked. “But don’t you change a thing about your hair, Milliardo.”
“Thank you Treize… I think it looks fine too.” Milliardo flipped his hair… the moment was tender. Sweet, almost. That is, until Lady Une came crashing through the arcade doors.
“TREIZE-SAMA!”
“Oh dear…”
“HAH! BEAT THAT SCORE! Heheheheheheh…”
“You think my hair is silkier? Don’t you? DON’T YOU?!”
Unbeknownst to them, a giant scorpion monster was running loose downtown, changing everyone’s hairstyles into Mohawks and the dreaded… ‘mushroom’… which now came in fourteen designer colors.
However, Sailor Altron and Sailor Sandrock discovered the monster and quickly tossed it to the rabid flamingoes in the harbor.
What the flamingoes did to the monster was too horrifying and too putrid for words, and so Wufei and Quatre left the scene, assuming all was well… but they didn’t see the flock of rabid flamingoes with new haircuts, in fourteen designer colors… take flight towards uptown.
Treize was tired when he returned home. Milliardo and Lady Une had been quite persistent… almost wrecking the arcade with their love feud… although, Treize was now afraid since Une had cracked the heavy, plastic hand on the arm wrestle ling machine… using one arm.
But… the next thought escaped his mind… as a giant flamingo with a bright orange Mohawk landed on the roof of his house…opened it’s beak to reveal an array of shiny, sharp teeth… and…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
The next day…
“Treize! What happened to your hair?” Milliardo gasped as he took in the bright purple mushroom that how framed Treize’s face.
“It… was… a … flamingo…” Treize stammered, still in shock. “They’re all over the city… it’s like the plague!”
“TREIZE-SAMA!!!” Lady Une dashed into the game center, hair bright blue and moth eaten. “Those rabid flamingoes are combining outside the town into a giant mass of EVIL HAIR MUTILATING FLAMINGOES OF DOOM!”
“Well, WHADDAYA WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT, WOMAN?!” Treize screamed and gestured at his purple do.
Une gasped… her mouth drying as her world turned black. She hit the UFO Turkey Leg catcher machine hard, causing the glass holding overstuffed turkeys to bury and drown her beneath the mounds of cooked meat and scalding hot gravy.
While Treize pondered just how he was going to avoid a lawsuit, Milliardo ran outside and transformed into Sailor Zechs.
People ran screaming as the now giant made-up-of-many-hair-mutilating-flamingoes flamingo stalked through the city… crushing many trees and unfashionable fools in it’s wake. Cars were pecked to death, trees were plucked till there was nothing left… and children under 13 were left without dental plans.
“ALL HAIL ME, DOROTHY! SOON TO BE QUEEN OF ALL YOUR HAIR… AND LIVES! BUT FOR NOW, YOUR CHILDREN’S DENTAL PLANS WILL SUFFICE!” Dorothy cackled as she rode on the neck of the flamingo monstrosity as it stepped on another dentist’s office.
“HOLD IT!” Sailor Zechs shot the flamingo formation down, sending Dorothy to enjoy a good helping of flamingo poopie and pavement.
“Sailor Zechs? You think you’re silky blonde shiny hair’s all that… WELL, it’s NOT!” Dorothy spat out rocks as she struggled to pull herself out of the hole she made in the street.
“Neither is your evil flamingo flock.” Sailor Wing muttered as he stepped on a pink feather.
“What are you talking about? And when did you get here?!” Dorothy demanded as she rubbed her chipped teeth. Her eyes widened in horror as the once evil flock of flamingoes soared down on her and carried her off to flamingo-never-never-land.
“What did you do to them?” Zechs asked as Dorothy’s silhouette vanished into the red-hazy afternoon sun, hopefully, never to be seen again.
“I reprogrammed them. Now, they’ll fly her to flamingo-never-never-land and she will be… dealt with… hehehehehehehe… “ Sailor Wing smirked and walked off back to the game center.
“TREIZE-SAMA! JUST BECAUSE MY HAIR HAS TURNED A HIDEOUS SHADE OF BLUE AND LOOKS LIKE ALIEN CREATURES FROM ANOTHER PLANET DEVOURED SOME OF IT DOESN’T MEAN WE CAN’T BE TOGETHER!”
After hearing that, Heero spun around and headed off in another direction… Milliardo, however, made a mad dash towards the arcade.
To be Continued?
“ADMIT IT! YOU DON’T WANT SOMEONE WITH HAIR LIKE… THAT… !”
“AND WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!”
“I CAN FLIP MINE!”
“DARN IT! WHY WON’T YOU FLIP?!”