Miss Relena in Warped Fairy Tale Land… Again

Once Upon My Ruffles and Pink Lipstick…

Once upon anudda time, there was a…

Heero: Wait a second. Wait a second. That’s too boring.

JC: Nani?

Heero: That’s a standard OP. Here let’s just say… (whisper, whisper)

JC: Uh huh. All right. From the top!

And the story began, oh, say, some time before people had the sense to say when the story actually started and…

JC: HEY! THIS STINKS!

Heero: NANI?

JC: You heard me. That’s terrible.

Heero: Are you saying that my lines SUCK?

JC: No! Duo spilled coffee on his skirt.

Heero: Oh.

Dorothy: We’re gonna have to do a costume change! I CAN’T WORK WITH THIS!

JC: Nani?!

Dorothy: The ruffles… DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE DAMNED RUFFLES! I HATE THE RUFFLES!

JC: …

Relena: My lipstick! It’s all the wrong color! IF YOU WANT PEOPLE TO HATE THIS OUTFIT IT ABSOLUTELY HAS TO BE HORRIBLE-SHADED-JADED-DUMBO-PINK™!

JC: I CAN’T WORK LIKE THIS! AAAAHHHHHH!!! (runs off to cry in Trowa’s dressing room)

Dorothy: I think that was planned.

Duo: You THINK?

Relena: Welcome to a whole new experience Miss Dorothy.

Dorothy: Shut up.

Follow the Trail of Yellow Peacocks

After her last adventure into the warped land of the fairly tales, Miss Relena was hospitalized for nearly … … OK, one day, but only to keep the story moving along.

Later, after her release from the mental institute, Miss Relena went outside and played in a stream. Unfortunately, for her, the stream was an enchanted gateway to the warped lands of the… PEACOCK PEOPLE! So, like all little missies, she slipped on a wet rock and fell into the Warp-Hole-That-Takes-You-to-the-Land-of-Bird-and-Squirrel-People™.

When she awoke, Miss Relena discovered she was being robbed blind… BY A WHITE BUNNY IN SPANDEX SHORTS!

“Hey! That’s my Crown-that-belongs-to-the-Ruler-of-the-Land™!” Miss Relena cried and a tug-of-war enthused, the spandex bunny obviously winning and scampering off into the foliage that consisted of rainbow pudding and brussel sprouts.

Not wanting the spandex bunny to get away with her Crown-that-belongs-to-the-Ruler-of-the-Land™, Relena followed the bunny, leaving her oxford shoes behind in the dreadful rainbow pudding.

After ten miles of walking through the endless, glittery, girly sludge, Miss Relena came upon a tribal village of… THE PEACOCK PEOPLE!

The natives of the village weren’t too thrilled with this high-strung woman with delusions of having a spandex bunny to take home with her, and thus locked her away in a dungeon, where all the spiders and rats came and stole more precious jewelry from her and sold it on the black market. Of course, Miss Relena scratched and clawed at the bars, but it only ruined her manicure, which was very expensive and didn’t even look nice.

“MY HAIR IS GONNA BRUISE!” was all the little people of the peacock village could squawk. And they did so very loudly…

Before long, Miss Relena’s ears were SO sore that she had to dunk her head under water to calm her nerves… but the ‘water’ was really the Peacock People’s year supply of 2X1 doujinshi, so she ran screaming and covering her poor, virgin, but-not-so-innocent-eyes toward the sunset to grandma’s house…

“Is that my cue?”

“No. Not yet.”

“This isn’t funny.” Trowa glared at JC and the trussed up Relena before them.

“But you’re the only one who can be a wolf.” JC protests, then turns and snickers.

“I really don’t think the Wolf-Suit-that-makes-Bang-Boys-Look-like-Little-Kiddies-in-Wolf-PJs™ was necessary.” Trowa glanced down at the furry booties on his feet.

JC: (deathglare)

Trowa: EEP!

Heero: Can I take off the bunny suit? Duo’s looking at me very strangely and … IS STALKING ME WITH A GOOFY HUNTING HAT ON HIS HEAD! AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! (runs off)

JC: ???

Trowa: ???

Duo: Be VEEEEERRRRRRRYYY VVVVVEEEEEERRRRRYYY QUIET! I’m hunting Hee-chan.

JC: (face-faults and falls over)

Trowa: …

Duo: TALLY HO!

Sally: I just heard that rabbits were in season.

Noin: Gimme the skinny. HEY! I’m trying to play through here! CADDY! (walks past with golf club)

JC: How the hell did all you people get here?

Noin: Oh… ZECHS! I WANT THAT BALL ON THE TEE NNNNOOOOOWWWW!

Sally: I just followed Duo because that was my gun. I swear, that boy has no manners.

Trowa: He’s a thief.

Sally: Oh.

Trowa: I’m sure he’ll bring it back.

JC: Anyway…

So Miss Relena was left bound and gagged in the Fairy-Princess-Like-Tower for the rest of the day while JC and Trowa went outside to watch Noin play golf. Sally Po forgot about rabbit season and decided to become a vegetarian. Duo chased Bunny-Heero, who was hopping through the forest, and scooped him up and… well, you get the picture.

Heero: And we lived happily ever after!

JC: RRRIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTT…