It's Gotta Be the Ponytail

It was a nice day. Key words: ‘it was’; for the person known as Wufei Chang. *AHEM!*

Er… Chang Wufei. It all started out with Duo. The braided baka was listening to a Christina Aguilera CD, innocent enough. Innocent, Duo Maxwell, yeah, right.

*Duo: HEY!*

The Deathscythe pilot kept jumping and dancing around the room, singing in Spanish, English, and Japanese till he drove Heero Yuy insane.

*Insane, isn’t he already?*

“Omae o korosu!” Heero lunged for Duo. “EEEEEPPPP!” Duo yelped and ran as fast as he could. The chase continued until eventually Duo tripped and landed on the coffee table, knocking over one of Quatre’s priceless Ming vases over, which in turn knocked over Heero’s mug of coffee, which spilled all over the infamous laptop, which short-circuited, which sent sparks flying over Wufei’s written mission report, setting it afire. “MY REPORT! MAXWELL! OMAE O KOROSU!” Wufei screamed and chased Duo around with his sword. With two raving maniacs on his tail…er… braid, Duo fled outside. Wufei, deciding that the chase wasn’t worth it, sat down and put the fire out before it spread to the carpet.

*What do you mean, ‘not worth it’? GET MAXWELL BACK INSIDE SO I CAN DELVIER JUSTICE AND KICK HIS BUTT!*

The Shenlong pilot then sat down in front of the TV with some hot oolong tea and turned the set on. After flipping through over a 100 channels, he settled for a cooking show, but after five minutes it ended.

*Injustice! How could the Iron Chef lose?*

Changing the channel to some unknown network, Wufei just closed his eyes and pressed a random number on the TV remote. When he opened them, a black hole was in place of the TV screen. “What the Hel… er… what the heck?!” He jumped up, and was sucked in. ‘I swear, Maxwell gets peanut butter and that… banana mush chocolate EVERYWHERE!’ he thought before he lost consciousness. Duo poked his bandaged head into the living room. “Where’d my stash of peanut butter and coco-banana pudding™ go?”

When Wufei opened his eyes, he was in a forest, a very lush and peaceful forest. “Ah, peace and quiet!” Wufei sighed. “But where the … where am I?” Walking around a bit, he came upon a house near a huge lake. In the middle of the lake was a gigantic tree. ‘How odd… but I guess trees will grow anywhere nowadays.’ He thought before he rang the bell.

It WAS a nice day. It was, really, but for Tenchi Masaki, they day was anything but nice. Breakfast was horrible, not the food, but… Ryoko and Ayeka got into an argument about the miso soup™! Of all things, why miso soup™? Tenchi was somewhat relived when the doorbell rang and immediately volunteered to get it, just to get away from the insanity. ‘It’s probably just someone who wants directions.’ Tenchi opened the door. A Chinese boy wearing white clothes with grass stains stood there. “Oh, uh, can I help you?” Tenchi asked the stranger. “OH TENCHI!” Ryoko flew over to the door. “Who’s at the door, come on, your food’s getting cold!” the space pirate cooed and latched herself onto poor, poor Tenchi. “Ryoko! Get your hands off him!” Ayeka screamed and charged. Energy crackled, an explosion ripped through the foyer, and Wufei lost consciousness again.

*WHAT WAS THAT?!*

“Oh… Nataku… I was weak.” Wufei mumbled as he woke up to see a girl with enormous pink hair standing over him. “WOMAN! WHAT ARE YOU…mmmppphhh!” he struggled as the girl stuffed a thermometer-like object in his mouth. “Hm… heart rate normal, he’s still in one piece. What an interesting specimen! I don’t think an ordinary human could have survived Ryoko and Ayeka!” she crowed as the checked the data on her computer… that floated in the air. “AAAAAAAHHHH!” Wufei yelled and ran for it. “Hey! Come back! That’s not the way …” <SLAM> went the door. “out…” Washu finished. “oh, well. She pressed a button and another door appeared. Tenchi walked in. “OH, hi Tenchi, you friend has woken up.”

When Wufei stopped running, he saw that he was in a vast room. Huge tanks and tubes circled the catwalk he was standing on. He peered at the largest one and… A MASSIVE DRAGON-LIKE CREATURE WITH GLOWING RED EYES SWAM PAST HIM! “WWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA!” it was too much for Wufei’s brain to handle. He fainted, again.

*WHAT?! I’M NOT THAT WEAK!*

Again, Wufei woke up. This time he was surrounded by… WOMEN! “ARRRGGHHH!” “Well, he certainly has a big mouth.” Ryoko muttered. “You should know that Ryoko.” Ayeka sneered. “Who’s got a big mouth, you tattletaling princess? Check it out!” Ryoko grabbed the corners of Ayeka’s mouth and stretched them. “um… are you alright?” Kiyone asked Wufei. “Gaaahhh…” Wufei’s mouth foamed. “Oh, no, Washu! We have to put him out again!” the Galaxy Police officer called. “NO! Don’t touch me woman!” Wufei yelled and then was met with six mega-deathglares from alien girls from outer space. “How dare you call the first princess of the Jurai royal family a mere woman!” Ayeka brought out her huge bitch-slap fan. “Well, I agree with him.” Ryoko grinned and groped Wufei. “Say it again, that Ayeka’s just a prissy nobody.” “WHAT WAS THAT?!” “GET OFF ME WOMAN!” Wufei screamed. “What?! OK, NOW YOU DIE!” Ryoko charged up. “Oh, no, not this again!” Mihoshi cried. “Stop! I don’t want to have to wash my hair five times again!” she wailed. “Oh, wait, that was a different incident.” She smiled. “Go right ahead.” “Girls, stop it!” Tenchi squeezed into the living room. “He’s our guest! You should try to be nice.” “Anything you say Tenchi!” Ayeka latched on to the boy. “GGGGRRRRRR…” Ryoko glared at the princess. “Uh, excuse me.” Wufei said. “What’s going on here?” “oh, you need a bath.” Ayeka said grabbing Wufei and dragging him to the hot spring portal. “Good Ayeka. You show him around and maybe we’ll go for a walk later.” Tenchi smiled. “Why thank you Tenchi.” Ayeka smiled and the turned to Ryoko and stuck her tongue out before dragging poor Wufei away.

“I refuse to show myself in front of you woman!” Wufei glared at Ayeka, who glared back. ‘if I can control my pride and show Tenchi what a good host I am maybe I can…’ Ayeka turned around. “If you need anything, just … never mind.” She grumbled and left through the portal. Wufei groaned. Not only was he trapped in the middle of nowhere, but with a bunch of women of all predicaments! ‘Still is a nice bath though.’ Wufei glanced around at the lavish décor. “Try to bug me now Maxwell!” he laughed and laughed until… “HI!” Ryoko popped out of the water… wearing nothing. “GAK!” Wufei’s nose bled. “Is something wrong?” Ryoko smiled and held up a bottle of sake. “have a drink!” she practically shoved the bottle down Wu’s throat. ‘if I Ayeka thinks that she can win Tenchi’s affections by playing nice hostess to this guy, I’ve got this one in the bag. Two can play this game you prissy little princess!’ Ryoko grinned before noticing that Wufei really couldn’t hold his liquor.

‘What did I do to deserve this…?’ Wufei thought as he sat on the deck, scrubbing his skin with soap. Ayeka had returned and dragged Ryoko out. Now he was alone… no naked girl, … ‘maybe I was a little too hasty that Ryoko woman to leave.’ He thought. ‘NO Wufei! NO NAUTGHTY THOUGHTS! You are a Gundam pilot. You don’t have time for weak women like her’… but she’s not exactly weak, is she?

“I can’t believe you two!” Tenchi sighed. “Well, I have to go to school now so try to behave around Wufei.” He shouldered his book bag and left. “Bye bye Tenchi! Have a nice day!” Ryoko and Ayeka grinned like idiots and waved goodbye. When the door closed: “I know you were just dying to seduce that man, weren’t you Ryoko? You’re just like I thought you were: a flirt, uncommitted and … a hentai! I guess since your interested in that Wufei character, then that leaves Tenchi all to me!” Ayeka laughed. “Listen you annoying spoiled princess, don’t lie! You were enjoying the view as much as I was! You like those muscular boys and you know it!” Ryoko retorted. <crackle> “Well at least I didn’t get in the bath and try to get him drunk!” “You are really getting me angry!” “So? Your powers are no match for mine!” “We’ll see Ayeka!” Ryoko glared and started to attack but Washu stepped out of a star shaped tunnel with a braided boy. “So this is how well my time/space/dimension-travel tunnel™ works. AM I A GENIUS OR WHAT?!” Washu started her ego trip. A: “You are a genius Washu!”

B: “The Greatest Scientist in the whole Universe!” Washu laughed. “Um… you said something about Wufei.” Duo stared at the mad-genius. “oh, him. Ayeka, Ryoko, bring our other guest here. He’s going home.” “MAXWELL! Is that you?!” Wufei roared. “Uh.. Wu-man… sorry about the…” Duo stopped when Wufei grabbed him. “NEVER, EVER, EAT THAT PUDDING NEAR THE TV AGAIN!” “oh, so that’s what caused the dimension warp.” Washu said. “Well, I really got a lot of ideas from your ‘Gundams’ and…” “Goodluck and goodbye!” Ryoko and Ayeka pushed the two through the tunnel. “well, it is almost like we planned that, isn’t it Ryoko?” Ayeka smirked. “Yeah, well, he was getting on my nerves.” “One man with a ponytail is enough for me.” “Yeah, you said it.”

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The End…. For now anyway…

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!