The Planetarium Incident

One fateful day… well, everyday of war is fateful, so let’s back up again. One day, like any other day of war, Relena Peacecraft started her daily routine of stalking Heero Yuy. Unfortunately for her (and Heero), Dorothy Catalonia was practicing her black magic powers on the nearby planetarium, which was owned by her.

“I will make a lot of money, now all I need…” she put a little pinch of gundanium powder and a large helping of ground spandex into Relena’s panty drawer, causing smoke to rise out of lord knows what’s in there and fly out the window. The smoke engulfed the round building, causing it to glow black with evil energy.

“I suddenly feel… like going to the planetarium that just opened…” Relena mummered as her eyes got all hazy.

“Hn.” Heero mumbled as he tried to pry himself free from her grasp. The girl ignored this and dragged Heero to the planetarium, not noticing the evil-aura-that-surrounds-planetariums-when-Dorothy-casts-evil-spells-to-make-money™ that covered the building.

Meanwhile, across town…

“Wufei! Let’s end this duel and go to the planetarium!” Treize cried as his sword clashed with Wufei’s.

“Kisama! That’s the best idea you’ve had ALL day!” Wufei brandished his sword.

“Wonderful! You will all stop fighting! I’ll get the car!” Lady Une (without glasses) giggled and ran out the door.

“Are we taking her?” Wufei stared at the giddy woman heading toward the garage.

“Let’s ditch her.” Treize sheathed his sword. “Let’s go in that Gundam of yours.”

“Kisama! Nataku was made for me!” Wufei glared.

“Well, I can always sit in your lap…”

“KISAMA!” Wufei suffered from a massive nosebleed.

“Yes, come my pretty ones!” Dorothy cried as people marched into her planetarium like mindless drones. “GIVE ME YOUR MONEY! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“I have a strange urge.” Duo’s face scrunched up.

“That’s not good.” Trowa observed, shifting in the bed.

“I MUST GO TO THE PLANETARIUM!” Duo jumped up, threw on his clothes in five seconds, and was out the door, leaving a rather large cloud of dust in his wake.

“Was that Duo?” Quatre poked his head into the room to find Trowa throwing on a pair of jeans.

“…” was the only reply Quatre got before the blonde started going into convulsions.

“My space heart… it’s… warning me! Trowa! Don’t go…” Quatre stopped when he saw that Trowa was gone, and the curtains flapping in the breeze. “to the planetarium.” He finished weakly. ‘Trowa is going to have to stop leaving through the second story window.’

“YES! COME ALL! TO MY PLANETARIUM! YOUR MONEY WILL ALL BELONG TO ME!” Dorothy laughed and laughed until she choked on her own spit and had to go to the bathroom.

Eventually, the planetarium was filled to the max. Dorothy, wearing the sluttiest dress she had and carrying a paper fan pranced and twirled among the audience, knocking some of them out of their seats.

Finally, she started the star projector and the show started… unfortunately, she had no narrator. So she pulled out her phone book and whacked Relena upside the head with it. Anyway, the audience became mesmerized by the show and started tossing their money and undergarments at Dorothy.

“Yes! Shower me with that dough!” she sang and got hit promptly in the face by a pizza, followed by a pair of black spandex shorts and silver mask.

“Hold it!” a voice called from the doorway.

“How dare you use a star show to make money!”

“It’s rude!”

“A planetarium is a place of romance and…” the fourth speaker sweatdropped when she saw a lot of people throwing their clothes off and making out.

“ARGH! Who are you people?” Dorothy screamed as the four advanced and knocked her out cold.

Several hours later…

“My head…” Duo massaged his temples to try to fight off the massive migraine he had.

“…” Trowa groaned in agreement.

“Hn.” Heero muttered as he applied bandages to his head and other unmentionable areas, which are mentioned quite often.

“KISAMA! I DON’T HAVE TO GO TO A PSYCHIATRIC WARD™ LIKE A WOMAN! LEMME GO! LEMME GO!” Wufei kicked and screamed as the paramedics led him away.

“Remind me never to let Une drive again.” Treize pouted as he also was carted off to the same psychiatric ward™ as Wufei.

In the end, Dorothy Catalonia was found unconscious, sucking a lollipop, and singing kiddy songs over and over again. She was so unstable that she couldn’t be admitted to the psychiatric ward™. Instead, she was locked away in the big, bad, loony bin™.  Her planetarium was burned to the ground, which was later desecrated by Relena and another one of her ‘pink palace urges™’. And that was the end of the planetarium incident.