Duo and the Beast

Where we last left Treize in the spooky and somewhat tastefully decorated castle of the BEAST… (Insert some scary music)

“This place needs a face-lift.” Treize muttered as he passed through the hallway lined with pictures of a certain Prussian-blue eyed boy with an assortment of arms (No, not those kinds of arms you hentais! guns, grenades, detonators, etc.). But anyway the man entered a cozy den lit by a roaring fire.

Tired, Treize fell asleep with an empty stomach. He dreamed that a Chinese boy and a red-haired woman cooked delicious food for him and it was served by a man with long platinum blonde hair. He was awakened by the smell of food… high-class French food.

“Ugh… French food… oh well…” Treize thought as he shoveled down the food and absently reached for the red and white teapot for something to wash down the escargot.

“Ahh!” the teapot screamed. “Oh, you’re awake.” It said in a much ‘calmer’ voice.

“QUATRE! GET OVER HERE!” A small gold-rimmed teacup scuttled over and the teapot poured tea into it.

“Ouch! Lady Une! You’ll burn his tongue! Um…” Quatre and Une sighed as they took in the sight of the unconscious man, lying on the floor and foaming at the mouth.

Meanwhile, in that small, unmarked-on-the-map village Duo was out in the yard sweeping up the debris left from his father’s ‘successful takeoff’. After drawing water from the well he went in to take a bath and wash his bird-crapped clothes. He opened the salvaged comic and began to read as he soaked in the tub.

“Ahh… the only good thing about this fic’ is that the writer gave everyone high quality shampoo, conditioner, and bath oils.” Duo sighed as he leaned back in rose scented water…

“Is he still alive?” a small clock asked peering at Treize.

“I think so…” Quatre said.

“He’s still alive! I know it! This is MY man!” Une was clomping around in circles (and whistling).

“Get a grip woman!” Wufei said and nervously played with his four hands (he’s the clock.) “What will the master say?”

“Maybe he’ll let me keep him!” Une said her hear…um… whatever going doki doki.

“Doubt it.” A candleholder muttered as he walked in. “This one’s good but… hey! Who said you could keep him if the master said yes?”

“Shut up Zechs!” Une spat tea at him. Zechs dodged lest have his fire put out (Yes, his fire *snicker*).

“Wha… what the hell is going on here?” Treize moaned as he regained consciousness. The teapot, teacup, clock, and the candlestick holder are talking… Now I’ve totally lost it. Treize thought. But I wouldn’t mind taking them all home with me.

“My name is Lady Une.” The teapot introduced herself/itself. “And this little wimp is my son Quatre.” It said gesturing at the gold teacup.

“I’m Zechs and how may I serve you master…?”

“Treize.”

“Master Treize.”

“KISAMA! Stop moving in on my man!” Une said with steam coming out of her spout.

“Who said he was yours?”

“I SAW HIM FIRST!!!”

“WELL LA DEE DAH! HE’S MINE!”

“Stop fighting! What if the master hears you?” Wufei wailed. “He won’t like this. Oh he will NOT like this. If the master finds out then…” The clock stopped when a low growl sounded through the halls.

Outside Duo’s house in the village about three days later, Hilde, dressed in a white and very expensive wedding gown stood in front of the mass of curious villagers.

“Now when I come out with Duo, you strike up the music.” She told Dorothy who stood with a baton before a punk rock band.

“Oh, Hilde-sama, you mean like this?” Dorothy asked and the band started to play ‘It’s Raining Men’.

“NO! Not that song!” Hilde stamped her foot in the mud causing it to drench everyone in a twelve-foot radius in brown goop.

“Um… Hilde-sama… oh! I know!” Dorothy waved her magic… *ahem* baton and the band started to play a very bad wedding march.

“Close enough…” Hilde moaned as she walked into a nearby tent to change.

To Be Continued…