Duo and the Beast

Based on ‘Beauty and the Beast’ and ‘Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing’
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Gundam Wing and I never will ~sigh~. I also don’t own the crappy song lyrics/tune/whatever I forgot to mention and I never will. And if I did I’d burn the damn thing because ‘I’m so psychotic’. Also the song sucks. BEWARE for this fic has wait a sec… well… Shonen ai warnings later…
Note: All Italicized words are sung.

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Once upon a time, in a ‘so far away’ land… um… maybe not so quite far away, there lived a prince. Now the prince was a psycho and loved guns and explosives. He was cold and didn’t give a damn about anyone around him. His servants were very afraid of him and did their best to please the grouchy prince. One cold, rainy night, an old woman came to the prince’s castle offering a single rose for shelter from the cold. The prince didn’t care and sent her away, but she warned him that she wouldn’t tolerate rudeness and tried to get inside the castle; the prince then shot her with the bazooka that was so conveniently by the door, blowing her head off, she got very pissed off and changed into a er… somewhat beautiful enchantress. An angry enchantress Relena with a powerful magic wand. SCARY!!! The prince didn’t care when she turned his servants into ‘magic’ household items and surrounded the castle with creepy woods; he didn’t like people anyway, and besides, they NEVER got visitors. Relena, seeing that the prince was an insensitive little bastard, changed him into a hideous beast. A hideous beast that loved guns and explosions… well, not much of a change. The rose then became ‘enchanted’ and would bloom until his sixteenth birthday. If he didn’t find someone to love him by then, he would remain a beast forever. He was also given a magic mirror (oh this is so Snow White), his only look at the outside world. The prince/beast didn’t care and snorted so Relena left in her pink limo. The servants got very nervous for the trigger-happy prince’s sixteenth birthday was less than a year away…

Not far from the castle, there was a small village. Just you’re average village, but it was so small, it wasn’t on the map. Anyway, moving on, the sun started to rise in the east, lighting a beautiful fall day. Near the edge of the village, a door opens and Duo steps outside and begins to walk through the town he’d been in since his father Treize got pissed off at living in Luxembourg and decided to try inventing things in the country. As Duo walked into town, he started to sing (against his will).

Duo: Little town, it’s a quiet village, everyday, since the dawn of time. Little town, full of psycho people, coming out to say…

One by one the windows and doors of the houses opened and the people shouted: Konichiwa! Aloha! G’day! Yo! Wassup! Bon jour! (sweatdrop)

Duo: There goes the baker with his tray like always, the same old bread and rolls to sell. Every morning is the same, since the morning that I came, to this stupid poor old town.

Baker: Good morning Duo!

Duo: Good morning sir!

Baker: Where ya off to?

Duo: The bookstore. I just finished the coolest manga, about a warrior in a sailor suit and…

The baker sweatdropped and quickly looked for an excuse to get away.

Baker: That’s nice… Alex! My doughnuts, hurry up!

Duo takes the hint, sighs and continues on. By now, the entire town is up and is caught up in the ‘song’.

Ladies: Look there he goes, that boy is strange no question! He wears black and a real long braid!

Men: He thinks he’s Death. Makes him different from the rest! No denying he’s a funny boy, that Duo!

Duo hitches a ride on a wagon to save his feet the aches and pains of walking on the cobblestone streets. As he rides he watches the other people singing, shuddering.

Bon jour!

Good day!

How is your family?

Bon jour!

Good day!

How is your wife?

OUCH!

I MUST HAVE SEX!!!

You’re too disgusting!

Duo: There must be more than this idiotic village!

Duo hops off the wagon and walks in to the store, ‘Peacemillion Comics and MS Kits’. The shopkeeper, Howard, peered out from his sunglasses at his first customer.

Duo: Ohayo! I came to return the manga I borrowed!

Duo plops the battered volume on the counter. Howard groaned. It was the 55th one ruined.

Howard: Finished already?

Duo: I couldn’t stop reading it! (flips through the rack) Got anything new?

Howard (nervously): Not since the last time you asked. (Howard secretly hid the new issues in the basement, so Duo wouldn’t find them.)

Duo: Kay… then I’ll borrow… this one!

The braided boy pulled a battered manga off the shelf.

Howard: That one? But you’ve read it twice! (And it’s still in one piece, more or less)

Duo: Well it’s my favorite! Outer space, mobile suits, fighting for peace!

Howard: If you like it THAT much then keep it.

Duo: REALLY?! Oh thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!

Howard groaned as the boy left the shop. As Duo left, he once again past some singing villagers. He ran as fast as he could back home.

Men: Look there he goes, that boy is so psychotic, I wonder if he’s feeling well.

Women: With that weird death-like look,

A woman dumped a bucket of water out her window, drenching Duo. “I’ll kill the writers!” Duo swore as he walked on in his damp clothing. The comic was still o.k., for now anyway.

Men: And his nose stuck in a book,

Villagers: What a puzzling weirdo psycho, that Duo!

Duo reaches the town square fountain, sits down at the edge and opens the comic.

Duo: Ohhhhh… isn’t this ama~zing. It’s my favorite part because, you’ll s~eeeee. Here’s were he self-destru~cts, but don’t worry, he’s ok on page nineteen!

The braided boy jumps up, appalled that he just sang to a bunch of sheep and rams. Running the rest of the way home he tried to shut out the villagers’ singing by reading the manga.

Lady: If he ever crossed my path, that beauty, I swear I’ll have endless bad luck!

Man: Cause behind that fair façade, he’s really rather odd. Very different from the rest of us…

Villagers: He’s nothing like the rest of us, yes different from the rest is Duo!

A flock of birds fly over the town. Seconds later one lands dead in the street. Hilde blows the smoke out of the gun barrel and waits as her sidekick Dorothy runs out to the middle of the street (like a little fairy) to collect the carcass.

Dorothy: Wow! You didn’t miss a shot Hilde! Your the greatest hunter…er…huntress, um is there such a word, anyway the greatest in the whole world!

Hilde: I know!

Dorothy (babbling): No guy can beat or resist you!

Hilde: It’s true Dorothy, and I’ve got my sights set on that one!

Hilde points at Duo who is reading and walking at the same time.

Dorothy: <smirks> Treize’s son?

Hilde: He’s the one! The lucky boy I’m going to marry!

Dorothy: But he’s. (a bishonen)

Hilde: <interrupts> The most beautiful boy in town!

Dorothy: I know but.

Hilde: <interrupts again> That makes him the best, and don’t I deserve the best?

Dorothy: Of course, but he’s…

Hilde: Right from the moment when I met him saw him, I said ‘he’s gorgeous’ and I fe~ll. Now in town there’s only he, who is as beautiful as me, so I’m making plans to woo and marry Duo!

Hilde sets off after Duo and passes a group of guys.

Guys 1,2 &3: Look there, she goes, isn’t she dreamy? Miss Hilde, oh she’s so cute! Be still, my heart, I’m hardly breathing! She’s such a beautiful yet violent bitch!

Duo weaves his way through the crowd, still reading. Hilde starts after them but is caught in the singing crowd.

Bon jour!

Pardon?

Good day!

Mais oui!

You call this bacon?

What lovely grapes!

Some cheese!

Ten yards!

One pound.

Hilde: Scuse’ me!

I’ll get the knife!

Hilde: Please let me throu~gh!

This crate!

Those fish!

They stink!

They smell!

Madam’s mistaken!

Well maybe so!

Duo: Let’s hope the fanfic ends real soon!

The crowd finally parts for Hilde…for about three seconds (long enough to sing her line).

Hilde: If I don’t marry Duo then I’ll swoon!

The crowd then closes up and begins singing: Look there he goes the boy who’s strange, but special! He’s going home to read a book! It’s a pity and a sin; he doesn’t quite fit in! But he really is a funny boy, a pretty and a braided boy! He really is a funny boy...

Hilde has given up on going through the crowd and is climbing the rooftops to get to Duo.

Crowd: DUOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! <song ends>

Duo whirls around to give the Shinigami Glare™ at the townspeople who immediately go back to doing their everyday activities. Hilde slipped off a roof and landed in a nearby chicken coop, cushioning her fall. The chickens, needless to say, weren’t very happy with the new skylight. Covered in feathers and chicken crap, Hilde finally caught up with Duo.

“Hey Duo!” Hilde shouts as she glomps the braided boy.

“Eep!” Duo shouted in dismay as Hilde’s momentum knocked his comic book into the mud, not to mention the smelly who-knows-what-the-chickens-ate crap and feathers that smeared and stuck to his black priest-like outfit.

“So Duo, wanna come to my house and check my trophy wall?” Hilde asked tugging at Duo’s arm. Duo glanced at his outfit and messy braid.

“Uh…sorry…I gotta go home and change.”

“Well you can change at my place!” Hilde said drooling. (Sorry! Solo’s fault ^^;) Before Duo could reply, a huge explosion ripped through the air. Smoke poured out of Duo’s house.

“Oh, for Shinigami’s sake! Dad!” Duo pulled free of Hilde and ran the rest of the way home.

When he reached the front door to open it, it fell of its hinges.

“Dad?” Duo called into the blackened room.

“Hahahahahaha! It works! It WORKS!!! The Tallgeese works!!! Now I’ll show those idiots at the MS convention that their LEOs and ARIES are nothing to my Tallgeese!!!” Treize Khushrenada laughed like a maniac. “Battles are so beautiful! Now I will waste the Romefeller corp. with my design! Oh, hi Duo!”

“Finally got the engine working huh?” Duo glanced at the white MS in the ‘living room’ which was really a hangar.

“Now that it’s finished I can fly it to the convention in Bremen and whoop some ass!” Treize said and changed his clothes from rags to a spiffy general’s uniform. Cue ‘Uranus, Shosite, Neptune’ BGM. (This is MY damn musical so I can put in whatever music I want!) The man then jumped into the cockpit and took off… right through the cottage/hangar roof, leaving a gaping hole.

“Um… bye Dad.” Duo said. Now he had one HELL of a mess to clean up.

The Tallgeese flew over the forest but unfortunately for Treize, the radar broke down and he took a wrong turn and wound up in the creepy woods near the castle.

“I guess nobody watered the plants.” Treize remarked and continued down the creepy path still unaware that he was on the wrong path. Eventually he wound up at the spooky castle with some wolf scratches on the paint job. “Damn wolves!” Treize swore as he parked the Tallgeese next to a BMW™ near a public bathroom™ outside the castle. The man walked into the castle, hungry for the ZERO system takes a lot out of a person.

To Be Continued///