Merry Christmas DAH-LING

The year is After Colony 199…

“Oh, it’s Christmas time! Oh, it’s Christmas time!” Dorothy Catalonia sang as she danced through the long hall containing her massive machine gun collection.

“Really, Dorothy.” Relena Darlian panted as she ran after the happy blonde through the rows of weapons to the den. “Did… you… pant… have to put… such a long… hallway… …”

“Oh Relena-sama,” Dorothy stopped and shook her head with disappointment. “I would think the Vice-Minister would have better stamina than that.”

“Ugh… there’d better be eggnog at the end of this hallway.” Relena wiped her brow and followed Dorothy into the elaborate den, lit by a cozy fire. Relaxing music played softly from hidden speakers and the Christmas tree was decorated tastefully… in gold.

“A gold tree?” Relena said incredulously as she inspected the gold ornaments, gold fake snow, etc.

“Hey. What about your Insanely-Enormous-Very-Expensive-Hideous-Pink-Christmas-Tree™?” Dorothy shot back.

“HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY Insanely-Enormous-Very-Expensive-Hideous-Pink-Christmas-Tree™!” Relena cried. “Besides, I only bought it to scare the living daylights out of Heero.”

“That… THING… could scare the living daylights out of anyone.” Dorothy stressed her remark by lifting both of her eyebrows, causing Relena to scream and hide behind the loveseat.

“I thought you said we were going to watch ‘It’s a Wonderful Life™’.” Relena said, poking her head back above the headrest of an armchair.

“So I did.” Dorothy recalled and pushed the SD Gundam statue’s head causing a large flat-screen TV to pop out of the wall.

“Hey, you have surround sound!” Relena came out of hiding and plopped down next to Dorothy as the screen flickered to life.

About an hour later…

“Uh… that was way too much eggnog.” Relena groaned. “If I move, I’ll pee.”

“Relena-sama has to be potty-trained?!” Dorothy shrieked with glee.

“Uh… hey… what are you doing with that diaper?” Relena backed away from the blonde woman who had a very funny expression on her face.

“Oh nothing.” Dorothy said and began whistling innocently.

Just then, the videophone started to ring. Relena gave a very audible sigh of relief and dropped out of sight behind the couch. Dorothy answered the phone with a knowing look on her face.

“Quatre Raberba Winner. What a pleasant surprise.” Dorothy smiled.

“Can the sweetness woman.” Quatre’s face was red and not happy on the other end.

“Why Quatre Raberba Winner, it’s Christmas and with that look on your face, Santa will never visit you.” The eyebrow girl chuckled and brandished her finger.

“I KNOW YOU STOLE MY GIANT-GOLD-CHRISTMAS-TREE™!” was the very loud reply that she got.

“I have to say that I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dorothy said smugly.

“Don’t lie! YOU STOLE MY GIANT-GOLD-CHRISTMAS-TREE™!” Quatre shouted and with that the connection was severed possibly because the electric cord had been pulled from the outlet.

“Dorothy! I can’t believe you… YOU… you… GRINCH!” Relena gasped.

“Now, now, Relena-sama… let’s not get too… feisty…” Dorothy stammered, losing her composure as a very vicious-looking Relena began circling her.

“You can forget about the ‘total-pacifism’ thing Dorothy. It will not work thanks to Heero.” Relena grinned and pounced.

“AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

Deck the Halls

Meanwhile…

“Mmm… Hee-chan?” Duo looked up at the clear night sky from the balcony of their small, quaint house on Earth.

“No Duo, I did NOT put your present under the tree yet.” Heero glared at the braided man.

“No, it’s not that. I just was thinking: How safe is the world now that Relena isn’t into the whole pacifism thing?” Duo sighed. “I just thought I heard a scream.”

“Don’t worry.” Heero got up and wrapped his arms around Duo. “The world is safe… the only thing or person in danger at this time of year is Dorothy. She stole Quatre’s Giant-Gold-Christmas-Tree™.”

“Oh.” Duo frowned.

“Something wrong?” Heero squeezed his love’s shoulder.

“Um… our Christmas tree… how safe is it?” Duo glanced at the sad-looking-poor-excuse-for-a-twig-tree in the corner of the house.

“Very safe.” Heero assured him and pressed a button.

Instantly, explosions went off.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Tis’ the season to be jolly

“All right.” Sally Po adjusted the stockings above the fireplace.

“Really woman, does EVERYTHING have to be PERFECT?” Wufei walked into the living room of the rather large apartment they were sharing the rent for.

“Yes.” Sally said in her no-nonsense voice. “Now we have the day off. Why not have a little fun?”

“Oh really?” Wufei groaned and dropped into an armchair. “Does that include running errands for Une and…”

“Something wrong? You don’t usually trail off in the middle of…” Sally started but stopped as well.

“I thought I heard a scream.” The two said in unison.

Fa~la~la~la~la~la~la~la~la

“Oh Trowa, I swear.” Catherine glanced up from her pot of soup on the stove.

“…” Trowa looked up from his book.

“Did you HAVE to bring home ANOTHER OSTRICH? You already have a alligator in the bathroom, two iguana’s in the crisper box, a squirrel in the closet with two chipmunks, the goldfish is swimming in the toilet of which you forbid to be flushed, and… THERE’S A POSSUM HANGING FROM YOUR BANGS!!!” the circus knife-thrower cried out.

“Onee-san. It’s just till it gets warmer out.” Trowa went back to his book entitled THE ANIMALS AND GETTING THEM TO FOLLOW YOU HOME.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”