*** AUTHOR’S NOTE- I don’t own the characters I just use them ‘cause they’re cute. Bandai owns them. -There, now that the legal stuff is out of the way- This is my first POV I hope you like it. Plus, I Love feed back, if you want to send me some, the email addy is shinigami_003[ AT ]yahoo.com. ***
He looks so sexy with his hair down. I should ask him to keep it down for a while. He always seems paranoid about his looks, complaining that he looks like a pansy. Thank god the elastic broke, a little smile spreads across my face. The Chinese pilot looks up to see me staring at his beautiful features. Oh god I want him. To feel his skin and taste his sweat.
I let out a small sound and then feel my face go hot.
“Hello Trowa.” He says as I stop in front of him. “Where’s Quatre?” He asked trying to take the uneasy feeling out of the air.
“Don’t care.” I muttered.
I shudder to remember the image of you in bed with that pig, that disgusting thing…Zechs. His eyebrows raise in concern maybe for you or just maybe because of how I said it.
“Can I ask you something?” I blurt as the images of my lips brushing across his face engulph me.
“What?” He asks quietly as he turns back to his book.
My mouth waters incessantly, I swallow and say what has been burned in my mind. “When was the last time that you ever had sex?” Might as well get it over. I want him and right now I couldn’t care less about proper etiquette.
“Uh.” He turns red…I guessed so…he probably couldn’t remember. “Why are you asking me this?” He frowns as he closes his book.
I can’t help it anymore. My fingers itch to touch him, his lithe curves and his muscular body. I move on to my knees in front of his chair and put a had around his neck, under his silky black hair and pull him down to me. I open my mouth slightly to kiss him but he pulls back.
“This isn’t right.” He mutters.
I ignore what he says…you did it to me, now I’m doing it to you Quatre. My lips touch his and I slide my tongue in his mouth. I feel him respond, the dormant feelings inside the dragon come to life as I slide a hand around his waste and pull him closer. I feel a bit surprised when he doesn’t struggle but eagerly slides towards me and squeezing my ribs with his knees.
“I want you.” The words slip so easily from my lips, but still I feel that what I am doing is wrong and yet, yet…I have always wanted him.
Wufei withdraws and looks me in the eyes. “No…this isn’t right. What about Quatre?” He asked quietly.
Red, hot, blind anger boils through me as your name is muttered. “We are nothing anymore.” I whisper in hate, so much that I can hear it myself.
“Nothing?” Wufei says as he wipes my cheek tenderly, it feels like a leaf brushing against me in the wind.
I shake my head as the images of Zechs holding you burns through my mind. “Oh god…he was with Zechs.” The words tumble from my mouth. I hug myself and sit back on the carpeted floor.
“Zechs?” I hear him say I astonishment. “So you feel that you want to get back at him through me?” His soft voice turns sharp and cold like the one he uses when speaking to his enemies.
“No…it’s nothing like that.” I hear myself say as tears well in my eyes. “I have wanted you Wufei…oh god. I have.” I say to resurrect the love in him again.
“That’s the most lowest thing I’ve heard you say Trowa, by god. I’m disappointed.” I hear him say. Those words sting me like shards of glass. They sounded so disgusted.
The anger has finally subsided and I feel my hands shake, as the rage takes over. The tears in my eyes spill and tumble to the floor as I stand up and look him in the eye. He thinks I am lying. “I don’t lie.” The words come low and surprise even me. I feel that I must look pretty stupid to him, like a child that has been denied a sweet from its mother. I have in some sense, The mother would be my conscience and my sweet would be Wufei.
He stands up and looks me in the eyes. “ I don’t want anything to do with you.”
It slaps me in the face, hard.
“I have always wanted you. But no, not like this. I will not come between you and him.” He said in a low voice I look into his ebony eyes to see them swimming in tears, his smooth brow wrinkled and his chin quivering. It seemed like he was trying to stop himself from crying. But it didn’t help, the tears fell like rain.
I have nothing to say to him. I feel useless, yet a little bit warmer to know that maybe if I die, someone will cry for me and miss me. I turn and walk up the stairs to retreat into the silence of my bedroom…our bedroom. Where we slept and promised things and made plans for the future…Quatre. I hate you so much, yet I still love you in some sick and sad little way.
I feel a sob strain my throat and more tears fall down my face as I stare out the window. I really can’t bring myself to sit on the bed…that damned bed. Dammit! Why can’t I stop crying! Why do I cry? I shouldn’t be crying for you Quatre, out of all the things in my life! I can’t suppress the tears or the sobs. They ache too much to keep inside I don’t feel like being the silent one anymore. Silent Clown…The strong and reliable one. I am nothing without you anymore. Just a useless piece of machinery. I hear a low knock at the door…I wipe away the tears and quickly almost automatically think of some excuse to why my eyes are red.
“What?”
The door opens, I can hear it…my back is still turned because I am scared that it is Quatre that I will see. I’m scared of what I will do to him when I do see him next. Pictures of your blood splashed on the floors and my hands runs through my mind.
I feel a small breeze as the boy stands besides me. It’s Wufei. I can feel shame run over me as I turn back to the window.
“Quatre’s here.” Wufei says in a low voice.
A sick feeling lodges in my stomach as I look into his eyes. I think its disgust…I think…but a rage maybe that has been building in me too. “I really don’t have anything to say.” Is all that I really can say. If I do see you, I know that I’ll kill you. I am considering it seriously. Heero would probably say ‘…no…you’re too valuable.’
“Well, he’s got something to say to you.” Wufei says…I hear the discomfort in his voice.
“Oh really…” I snort.
“Yes, and maybe it’ll clear your head.” He said as he turned to leave.
“Don’t go.” I panicked as I turned and grabbed his arm. I look into his eyes like a scared child. “Don’t leave me alone with him…I’ll kill him. I know I will.” I whisper quietly trying not to sound foolish or weak.
“Lets go.” He said as he smiled slightly to ease my discomfort. I let go of his arm and followed silently down the stairs to see you standing there with a terrified look in your eye. You should be scared little one. But my glare does not go to you but to the silent blond man standing behind you.
“What do you want?” I say. I can feel my face contort with disgust as I turn to you.
“I want to say that it’s over between us.” I can hear your voice quiver as you looked uneasily into my eyes.
The anger is boiling and I can feel nothing but the hate. “No fucking kidding.” Is all that I can manage to say because my jaw is clamped tightly shut. I can see you wince at these words, this makes me happy. To see you scared of me. You should be…by god. You should.
“I am going to leave now, I wish you a good life.” you said quietly, I can see you are meaning to tell me more. “I hope we can still be friends.” you said but all I can do is snort at the hopefulness in those words.
“I bloody doubt that.” I say with some perverse amusement.
You turned to look at me with hate gleaming in your dark eyes. “It was your fault that things had to be this way.” Those words secretly stung me but I refuse to show it to you. I refuse to show the pain that you have caused me, the tears that I have so foolishly spent on you.
“My fault.” I can’t help but grin at this. “It wasn’t I that was cheating was it? I did love you! But you choose to squander all that comes into your possession! I hope you have a peachy fucking life and I hope that I never see you again.” I say this without even blinking…without even thinking. I pull back the urge to wipe the tears that have gathered in your eyes and spilled down your beautiful face. I turn to leave, this is all that I can handle. My mind has been through too much I turn and walk up the stairs heavily, like my joints where made from lead. I turn to walk in the room that we had once shared but I cannot. I sit on the step instead and stare out the window at the beautiful blue sky. How can this day be so beautiful? When my world is falling about me? My little kingdom made of glass shattering around me. The one that I spent my soul on making for just you and I?
“Trowa?” I hear the voice echo up the stairway. It was Wufei. “They’re gone.” He said as he appeared in front of me, his face contorted with pain and concern. I feel ridiculous! I can’t go in my room. Not our room definitely. The memories are just too much to for me to handle right now.
I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out but a sob. I feel so useless. I know how to defuse a bomb, destroy a base, and kill a man with my bare hands…but doctor, you left something out. What am I supposed to do about love? About not hurting inside?
I bury my face in my hands and weep like a useless child that has lost its way. I feel so alone. I feel only half complete. I wince as Wufei’s calloused hand touches my neck lightly. I hear his comforting words but I just cannot register them in my brain. I can’t hear anything but the sounds of shattering glass.
“What am I supposed to do now?” I repeat over and over like a broken record.
He pulls me into his arms and rocks me back and forwards like a mother comforting her child. He hushes me and silently strokes my hair. I feel embarrassment and shame creep slowly through my body. It’s not right for me to do this. He shouldn’t be comforting me this isn’t Wufei. I pull out of his arms when the shame becomes too much for me to handle. I get up without another word and walk into the spare bedroom across the hall. I open it and shut it lightly and crawl into the cold, hard bed and curl up under the blankets shivering. It was a warm day but still the chill was lodged into me. I will never step another foot in that room, I will never hold you in my arms, I will never utter I love you to you again. I am Trowa Barton and I don’t do love.
I hear a low knock at the door but I don’t bother to say anything because I know who it is. It’s Wufei. Without another word he walks into the room and crawls to me silently looking a bit scared, like a man would approach a sleeping lion. All I can do is frown as I watch him put his head on the pillow besides me and curl up with me, fitting into my arms perfectly.
“Trowa…” He says as he looks into my eyes. I see the concern still deep in his ebony eyes.
“Yes…” I mutter, almost inaudible for him to hear.
“I am not Quatre.” He whispered as he moved closer.
What is he up to? Does he pity me? All I can do is wait for him to explain himself. “Will you give me a chance?” He whispered as he slowly kissed me on the lips. I can’t think of anything to say…I am speechless…all I can say is his name. Like it has a different meaning rather than the boy that laid curled up in my arms. I find myself surprised as I kiss him back, with just as much intensity as I would give you.
As for you, I wish you a happy life, Quatre Raberba Winner. You’ll always hold a special part in my soul; My first…love. But as for this boy that lay in my arms. I will hold you. And I won’t let you slip from me like him. I will rebuild my kingdom on the shattered remains of the last. But this one, will be made of steel and I’ll have a dragon as my guardian.