The young boy glanced into the dead eyes of his brown-haired doll, the smile gracing both of their faces terribly fake and obviously forced. Everything about this young boy's life seemed almost too good to be true, his room being the first place that managed to show what he liked and disliked. Four bookcases spread across separate areas of his bedroom, each shelf containing an equally beautiful doll who seemed to want the chance to be in the boy's arms for just a second. Their eyes watched him as he walked passed where they sat, the little boy's hand sliding along the polished wood until he had to move on to the next casing. They watched him and silently hoped that one day, he would find them to be the perfect one in the room.
Them, and no other.
They wanted him to stop right in front of them and know that they were going to be the one chosen today, not the one next to them. Not the brunette in the frilly green dress, her brown eyes sparkling with fake mirth as she took in everything around her, her ceramic face clouded by a delicate hat. Not the red-head that sat on shelf two of the third case, her white dress standing out against her tan-painted body. Certainly not the white-haired creature that managed to pass as one of them, this ones false beauty so strange that they couldn't help but welcome her into the lot.
They wanted the little boy to look directly to where they sat, his little eyes gaining that brief spark that meant he wanted that one. The yellow-haired lovely on shelf one, case four wanted nothing more than to be held against the kid's small chest, his hair falling across her fake flesh until he understood that she would be the one for him always and forever.
Each doll seemed to call to him the second he entered his bedroom, throwing his backpack onto the floor while he walked towards the closet to undress. Their eyes never left his body as he slid his fingers under the edge of his shirt and pulled it off his head. They stared at him as he was fully undressed, standing in front of the mirror with odd thoughts filtering through his young mind.
Why don't I look like them?
Why don't I act like them?
Why is my body different?
He didn't pay attention to all the eyes reflected back at him through the mirror, his girls watching him like nothing bad should ever happen to him ever again. He allowed himself to be bathed in the odd glow of their presence, standing naked in front of them and not caring what they may think. After all, he knew that they were his friends and they wouldn't make fun of him like his classmates did. They wanted him to be happy, and healthy, and...
The blonde perched on the corner of a shelf with her hands politely folded in her lap watched him with a cheerful smile on her face. Her long eyelashes almost seemed to flutter as he turned and caught her eye for just a second, acknowledging her existence but nothing more. The other ladies watched as she was calmly disregarded, the young boy pulling a long shirt over his head and allowing it to fall passed his small waist. He shuffled across the white carpet in a bored manner as he made his way to the bed planted on one wall.
They watched him, willing him to turn back.
He climbed up onto the bed that was a little too high for his height, and curled himself up onto the covers. Because he faced his body towards the inside of the room, he met sixty-two sparkling sets of eyes, sighing as their names started to flood through his mind. In search of the right one, he met green, and yellow, and blue, and even red... but he couldn't find the right one. He couldn't find the right one because they had all been in his arms before... in his bed... with him. Every single one of these dolls had managed to hold his attention long enough until he felt like they should be together forever.
The one in the silk wedding dress had calmed him when he couldn't find the comfort of sleep. The one in the blue teddy-bear skirt had been there when he had gotten home from a nasty day of school, dirt covering his face and blood smearing from his busted lip. The mermaid had kept him safe and warm as he watched a movie that made his heart pound and his mind jump with fear. He had felt like the angel had held him just as much as he held her when everything seemed to be spinning downward in his life, his tears not slowing until he felt like she was almost... singing... to him and him alone.
The lady in the puffy dress had sat with him when he wanted a friend to play tea party with him, her body propped up nicely in her chair as he poured the imaginary liquid. The little girl in the cat suit had curled up with him as he heard noises one night and was so scared he didn't want to even try to get to sleep.
His friend in the yellow sundress had stayed with him all throughout his parent's horrible fight, them both curled up in the closet as the screaming filtered up from the downstairs living room. The beauty in the short overalls had been the first to be in his arms as one of his friends had seen his room for the first time and laughed until the boy hadn't wanted him there anymore. The kid that laughed until the little boy stopped being his friend.
Dressed in a tuxedo, a curly red head had offered him solace when he had gone downstairs and seen his mother on the kitchen floor one night. He had just watched her as she rocked back and forth, her body covered with her thin nightgown as she stared at the cabinets all around her. The little boy had stayed to watch over her until he started to hear her mumble, and then those mumbles formed into words that he didn't want to hear.
I've been bad, don't you think?
I saw you at the store.
Won't you leave me alone?
It's too loud... too loud...
... too ...
He never wanted to bring up the fact that she was never speaking to anyone when she had her outbursts.
... loud.
Every time he ever wondered why he wasn't the same, he would see her looking so sad and decide against asking her. There's was something about the situation that he knew his mother wouldn't like, and he didn't want her to hurt because he did love her. Not able to admit this in his room, he loved his mother a lot more than he loved his dolls. They never tried to hurt him or anything, but his mother had always been there for him.
The only way he got as many friends to be with him always in his room was because his mother had brought them to him. His mother had gone out of her way just to find friends that he would like. Friends that he would be able to hold in his arms and cherish like the precious girls he knew them to be.
Why am I different?
He would trade everything in the world just to see his mother's small smile whenever he went down to breakfast, even his beautiful dolls. If he had to trade his dolls for his mother's happiness, he would have done it in a heartbeat just to watch her fall into his father's arms and laugh like she did when he was slightly younger. When he had asked her if the dolls made her sad, her reply was enough for him to realize that she meant it when she sad no.
"Your dolls make you happy..."
He had smiled at her when she finished her statement and playfully tugged on his hair before swatting him back to his room.
"... and how could I deny you anything that makes you happy?"
And yet, he wasn't as happy as he felt he should have been. Seeing his classmates laughing and playing during recess made him compare himself to them and wonder what was so wrong with him. He watched them laugh and playfully shove each other, but none of them wanted to walk over to him and see if maybe he wanted to be in their group. The other little boys just ignored him altogether, not even bothering to glance in his direction even if he was accidentally in the way of one of their stray balls. The girls just acted like he was repulsive, eyeing him from across the playground until he took notice of them. He would meet each of their eyes and silently think of a doll in his room that was prettier than them.
She's prettier than you...
She's prettier than you...
She's prettier than you...
And, for the most part, being alone wasn't all that bad.
His father said some hurtful words sometimes, though, about his room and his dolls. He never said them directly to him or else he would have been very angry, but he always said them to his mother. Always screamed out words that the little boy could hear from where he was tucked under the blankets, nothing really making sense in his young mind. All he could do was lie there and wonder why his father disliked his dolls so much that he would scream at mother over them.
"Why do you insist on playing this game with him? Don't you think he'll realize eventually that this is wrong?"
"Stop screaming. You'll wake him up."
"I'll stop screaming if you stop ruining his damn life."
None of it ever made sense to him.
"What do you think will happen when he gets older? Don't you think he'll know the difference?"
His dolls would watch him carefully as soon as the regular fight would start up again, the blended voices of his mother and father reaching his ears easily. As soon as that happened, he would have to stop whatever it was he was doing and go to climb under the cover of his blankets. It was cheap comfort considering the sound could still be heard.
"He is not your little girl, for crying out loud! Can't you see it? We didn't have a girl!"
"Shut up."
"Stop making him into something he's not!"
Their dead eyes staring into his equally dead eyes, their false emotions intensified in the false room with its morbid cheer.
"I've seen what you do with him. I've heard how you talk to him. Don't you realize he'll hate you once he's older?"
"I'm going to bed. Stop yelling."
"He'll either hate you, or turn out to be so fucked up he won't know what's right or wrong!"
"Stop yelling."
"You're sick."
The front door slammed as his father left again to head out. His father never stayed after one of those fights, leaving as soon as it was over and not coming back until the next night around dinner. The little boy didn't really mind anyway because he was much closer to his mother than to his father. If his mother suddenly left him, he would surely fall apart if it wasn't for his beautiful dolls to watch over him as he cried or screamed or calmly died inside.
They would watch over him just fine.
"I'm going to bed, honey."
The little boy pulled his blanket down to stare at the source of the voice, his mother leaning against his doorframe and smiling at him with such bright happiness that it made him smile, too. She walked forward towards his bed, leaning down as soon as she arrived and placing a gentle kiss on her child's forehead. Straightening up, she headed towards the door again only to be stopped from her son's soft voice.
"Mommy, why do I look different from the other girls at my school?"
She turned around to meet his confused gaze directly, a touch of tenderness appearing in her beautiful eyes.
"Because you're special, Heero..."
Tears flooded into his eyes the second she said his name.
"... don't believe anybody who tells you differently."
Heero watched his mother step back into the hallway, and smiled again as she turned to peek back into his room. His dolls watched him with their emotionless eyes, each in a world of their own and wanting nothing more than to be with him in his bed. His mother watched him carefully, winking at him before speaking once again.
"How about we go get you another doll tomorrow? I saw a lovely store downtown that you'll simply adore."
The emotion in her eyes was hard to concentrate on because he let his eyes flicker to one of his dolls that was closest to where his mother stood. He stared at the doll for a second before meeting his mother's gaze again, his smile fading away into nothing as he tried to fight back his tears.
"Okay, Mommy."
Settling back into bed as his mother left the room with a parting 'goodnight', Heero had to wonder why he never realized that his mother had joined his collection.
He had to wonder why he never noticed that his mother was just another lifeless doll that didn't have a place on his shelf.
The one in the torn nightgown with the tears painted across her face at all times of the day was the newest to his group.
Looking across his bedroom to glance into his large mirror, Heero saw his beautiful dolls staring back at him with such calmness that it settled his mind. He shut all of his thoughts out as he looked at the gorgeous brunette wearing the bathing suit while holding the umbrella...
The lady wearing the business suit was smiling, her hands clasped onto her briefcase.
The one wearing the lab coat watched him carefully, surely thinking of her next experiment.
The angel was singing her song again.
They all watched him with emotionless eyes as he started to drift to sleep.
They watched him until he fell into his dream again, and then they were back.
Heero stayed with all of his friends, each of the girls moving around him like he was one of them.
But this time, his mother was amongst the group of his beauties, laughing like she used to before everything managed to fall apart.